Going on five weeks since my Peanut passed. I still dont sleep right. I still feel like her eyes are on me at nights. I still wake up at 11:30 PM every night since then, which was the exact time that my husband came crying into the room with her lifeless body. I also wake up at various other times during the night. My one friend says waking up at 11:30 is Peanuts way of contacting me and another one says its my guilt of which I need to let go of. I feel its peanut who is now sad, angry, or upset with me, lonely and alone. She wakes me as a way of not letting me forget what happened as if I could. My husband thinks she is in heaven and flying around with lots of seed and warm weather all year long and that she sent that bird that lives in our awning to comfort us. I just cant settle at night. I actually dread night time and sleeping. I hate not knowing what happened to her. I hate always seeing her after she had passed away. Kissing her cold forehead. I try to think of the good times and realize that I spoiled the heck out of her and she had to be the happiest bird there was. I just dont know how to get past all of this but I literally cant relax enough to sleep. When I do sleep and only know this based on I dream I still feel like I dont sleep. I dont ever feel rested.