It's been one week and 3 days since I put my dog Gidget to sleep. Without going into her back story, let's just say that I cried multiple times that - before I drove her to the vet's office, once at the vet's office at least twice, once in the car before driving home, and once after seeing her dog walker cry. But since that day I don't think I've cried for her, and it feels wrong. I loved Gidget so much and so much of my life focused around her. She brought me so much joy and companionship. But the fact that I can't summon tears when I think of her now just feels wrong, like I'm disrespecting her in some way. I also sometimes find myself relieved that I no longer have to walk downstairs and take her outside several times a day in the 100 degree heat of summer.

I guess what I'd like to know is, will my grief hit me again when I least expect it? Or did I cry all the tears I had in me the day I put her to sleep?

One thing I know is that I don't want another dog, at least not in the forseeable future. That's where the thoughts of relief about not having Gidget first surfaced - at the thought of having to start taking another dog on walks again, of paying someone to take her out during the days when I'm at work - it seems like such a hassle. I did it out of love for Gidget, and if I still had her I would do those things again without hesitation or complaint. But the thought of getting to know another dog, seeing if our personalities mesh, and then making those sacrifices for him or her seem like too much for now.

It's also daunting to think about finding another dog. Gidget was so special, having lived her first 10 years with a horrible breeder, then was turned over to a rescue group when she was pregnant with her 11th litter of puppies. Her foster mom made a wonderful blog about her and her last litter of puppies, and I could tell that this woman loved Gidget so much. I felt a connection with Gidget through this woman's blog, so it was like I knew Gidget before I met her in person. And even then it took awhile for me to feel like I could really love this dog the way I did my first dog, but it happened pretty quickly. I know that dogs are known for being loving, but it's hard to imagine that I can form such a strong bond with another dog. At least not now, while my memories of Gidget are so fresh.

Ultimately it feels like one day of crying over the dog I had for 3.5 years is not enough. I feel like out of respect and love for Gidget, I should cry just by looking at her picture. I do get emotional and sad when I think about wanting to cuddle her, but for the past few weeks she was incredibly sensitive and jumpy, so even if she were still alive she wouldn't be the same Gidget that I first adopted.

I welcome any kind thoughts or assurances that what I'm feeling is normal.