Pet Bereavement Support Group
The loss of a pet or animal to which one has become emotionally bonded can be an intense loss, comparable with the death of a loved one. Whilst there is strong evidence that animals can feel such loss for other animals, this community focuses on human feelings, when an animal is lost, dies or otherwise is departed.
And I lost my cat, Juno, back this past September 5th. My heart hurts every day for him. I had him for 15 years, from the ages of 21 to 36. I can't get into details without crying right now, but basically, his kidneys failed very rapidly. I had him put to sleep while I held him close to me in his favorite position, curled up on my left shoulder.
I cried every night for a month after he died...then I stifled it because people (my mom) got concerned, my husband got frustrated that he couldn't help me get over it, and I could just sense that people wanted me to move on. I do still cry when I see my psychiatrist, who I've seen since 2008. (I suffer from depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder.)
I've had a very hard time getting over Juno. I think about him all the time. I still have major bouts of crying, despite creating a small, sweet, simple little "altar" for him - just a simple shelf with his urn, a photo of him, a little mouse toy, and some pet bereavement cards that my mom and a couple of close friends sent me.
I'm writing to reach out to this community because I've done research and have read that it helps some to reach out to forums like this one. I am sincerely hoping it will. Christmas is coming up and my heart is aching.
I'm also dealing with guilt over the fact that 2 months before he died, my husband and I adopted two adorable 3 month old kittens. Despite showering Juno with affection, he was understandably very unhappy with the situation and I feel like I ruined the last 2 months of his life. I've made as much peace as possible with myself over this and know that I treated Juno like gold, but it still haunts me. :(
Anyway, that's all for now. If I write more, I'll cry, and I'm at work, so I can't!
Please know that I do not have internet access at home, so if you write to me and I don't respond right away, it's not because I'm ignoring you - my internet access is just limited to moments during the day when I have time from work.
Thank you all for listening to my story.
I cried every night for a month after he died...then I stifled it because people (my mom) got concerned, my husband got frustrated that he couldn't help me get over it, and I could just sense that people wanted me to move on. I do still cry when I see my psychiatrist, who I've seen since 2008. (I suffer from depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder.)
I've had a very hard time getting over Juno. I think about him all the time. I still have major bouts of crying, despite creating a small, sweet, simple little "altar" for him - just a simple shelf with his urn, a photo of him, a little mouse toy, and some pet bereavement cards that my mom and a couple of close friends sent me.
I'm writing to reach out to this community because I've done research and have read that it helps some to reach out to forums like this one. I am sincerely hoping it will. Christmas is coming up and my heart is aching.
I'm also dealing with guilt over the fact that 2 months before he died, my husband and I adopted two adorable 3 month old kittens. Despite showering Juno with affection, he was understandably very unhappy with the situation and I feel like I ruined the last 2 months of his life. I've made as much peace as possible with myself over this and know that I treated Juno like gold, but it still haunts me. :(
Anyway, that's all for now. If I write more, I'll cry, and I'm at work, so I can't!
Please know that I do not have internet access at home, so if you write to me and I don't respond right away, it's not because I'm ignoring you - my internet access is just limited to moments during the day when I have time from work.
Thank you all for listening to my story.
Welcome to DS and I hope we can help each other through this journey.
Hugs Nancy xoxo
Don't feel bad about having the additional kittens to your family-Juno would have accepted them in time I"m sure and probably been a great parent to them. You also gave him the best of homes he could have so be proud of that.
Your pain is normal and will lessen as you go on.If you happen to read of another member here on this forum who even though they're still grieving for the loss of their four legged friend,they just adopted a new kitten-everyone needs to share their love/their care and there are so many four legged friends out there needing a home. So you give those new additions the best of care like Juno would have done
Anyway, I appreciate ALL of your responses and the thoughts you expressed regarding the new kittens that we added to the household (Ziggy and Marley). I am starting to form bonds with them and trying hard not to feel guilt for cuddling them. And I'm also trying not to compare them to Juno -- I've been tending to say things like, "Oh, Ziggy's meow just reminded me of Juno," and my husband just politely ignores me and changes the subject. :( It's painful but I know he means well. (For the record, he LOVED Juno and cried a lot after he died, and Juno adored him during his lifetime...but...I don't know if men are different or what, but Matt -my husband- has moved on, and shows the "new" kitties love and care.)
Anyway...I see a psychiatrist, as I mentioned, twice a month. I see her after work today, and it will help to "get things out" and not have to "stifle" it. (It also helps HERE, too! I'm actually breathing a sigh of relief as I write this, to know that I'm not alone.)
I'm so heartened to read that you have found friends on this site, and I hope to count you as mine. :) I agree that starting a journal will be helpful -- I used to write in one all the time as a little girl, actually -- I just need to do it. Did any of you feel frightened by the pain you might feel just by writing things down? ( I do.) I was just curious about that one, because my psychiatrist recommended the same thing, and I was wondering if that's the reason I haven't started one yet.
At any rate, I need to run (I'm a high school English teacher, and the bell is going to ring any minute!), but I want to thank each of you again for your incredibly thoughtful responses. It was so lovely to see that I had responses to my post -- and such comforting ones.
My heart goes out to all of you as well, who have lost little loved ones.
I'll end with a quote: "Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened."
Anatole France
Love,
Kristin
I hope that your suffering eases soon, although it will never go away it will mellow with time. Everyone says it but its true. Take care.
My heard goes out to you and I completely understand what you are feeling and going through.
I've loved 3 generations of cats (I currently have 2 7-year olds who I love dearly. But first the loss of my 17-yo Cazzie, and then losing both of my cats at 13-yo within a week of each other (unrelated causes) felt like it nearly killed me. It took me awhile to a adopt again, but I know that I have a lot of love to give another cat or cats even though the cats I've adopted before are irreplaceable.
After the death of my 17 yo (I was about the same age as you), I nearly wound up in the hospital. I remained depressed for too long. However, I was lucky enough to find a great support group at the SF/SPCA. These were a group of people of every age, race, gender, even veterinarians, who could not deal with the loss of their pets (mostly cats & dogs). We brought pictures of our beloved pets and passed them around the room. We cried together. We helped each other get through one of the most painful experiences in life - losing your pet.
Having gone through this a few times, I will say that the acute pain does lessen, although every time I tell the story of how I lost each of my kitties, it always brings tears to my eyes. i remember their last hours so vividly.
After returning to this very same support group 13 years later, I was grieving something awful but at the same time I was able to help those (and myself) by promising them that the pain will lessen and with time, when you're ready, you will be able to adopt another cat that needs your kind of love. There are SO many cats out there that needs the love of someone like you.
Your cat had a good life and was obviously loved by you very much. We can't control the short life-span that cats and dogs have so we must come to grips with it. It's a sad thing, but we can't change that.
I'm already beginning to worry about how I would be able to go on with my current 2 cats even though they are still young. It frightens me to think I will even outlive them. In the meanwhile, I treasure every single day that I have with them. I love them just as much as I did my previous cats, in a different way. Since all cats are different, we love them differently too.
It takes courage to feel pain and you have to get through it. Talking as much as you want about it will help. I always feel sad when I see that someone here has lost their pet. I'm not on here a lot but I have a lot of empathy for people like yourself, especially when it's so raw.
Don't talk about this with people who don't seem to get that this can be as painful or even more so than losing a person that you love. But, there are a lot of people that do understand. Anyone who has responded to your post understand and is going through it or has been there.
I do understand. Take as much time as you need to grieve, cry, talk. When you're ready, you will be able to love another cat that is looking for love and comfort.
Take care,
Trudilu
Cookie's Mom
Sandra