Personality Disorders Support Group

Personality disorders form a class of mental disorders that are characterized by long-lasting rigid patterns of thought and behaviour. Personality disorders are seen by the American Psychiatric Association as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it.

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What am I doing!?

xBlissx
xBlissx
Earlier on during the break between after Lunch and afternoon snack at Day Patients, I went out for a walk. I knew exactly where I wanted to go....and exactly WHY I wanted to go there. I walked down to one of the bridges that lead over the Thames. I've been getting images/thoughts about throwing myself off it (although not actually intending to) for the last few weeks and I just wanted to go down there.

Was I wrong to do it? Was it risky even though I felt in control at the time? Has anyone had a similar experience?

It just felt...I don't know, like my heart was all fluttery and I was getting kind of jittery but it felt good in a way? It's happened before when I've had images of me jumping infront of a train or car and then have to cross a road or stand on a platform. The difference is I actually went 'looking' for it today.

x-Bliss-x
deleted_user
deleted_user
It was a dangerous thing to do, it's like an alcoholic in recovery sitting at the bar of a pub tempting their resolve...complacence is a dangerous thing, it only takes a split second for thought to become action. Be careful and talk to someone next time you feel like that, please just to be safe - don't tempt yourself with something you really don't want to do
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes i have been in simialar situations. I've had thoughts of hurting myself like standing in front of a train, then I've actually stood next to the railway and imagined it. I think we are trying to 'role Play' it out, imagining what it would be really like if we did actually do it. But I agree with Freeflowpoet that it is still dangerous, one day you may actually do it quickly and then its too late. Your imagination may become reality.

Life is very very hard but also so precious. Tempting yourself in this way is risky. Can you talk to staff?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wouldn't recommend visiting a place you have thought of possibly jumping from. I have had a few thoughts that I have avoided. The biggest one is driving my car off one of these Appalachian Mountains. Then I started thinking about my friend who crashed and survived twice. He died the second time for a few seconds. I have just decided that even though I love going to the mountains, about 20mins. away, I will let someone else drive because the temptation is too great. Being tempeted scares me because it would be too easy to go from thinking about it to taking it into action.

A few weeks ago I was pulling out from the new road we live on and I had this thought of letting my foot slip off the brake and roll into this sixteen wheeler that was speeding up the hill. I had never had this thought before-it just came to me at that moment. After realizing how close I was to letting go, I've stopped driving and if I have to drive and am clear minded I go out the back way which doesn't have a hill turning off into another hill that is a
highway.

Please don't visit that bridge again. My temptation suddenly hit me without planning it. If you have already been thinking about it I definately wouldn't recommend another visit. If you have a buddy, you might want to tell them to make sure you all hang out together during breaks. That gives you even less of a chance of slipping away.

Flower