Personality Disorders Support Group

Personality disorders form a class of mental disorders that are characterized by long-lasting rigid patterns of thought and behaviour. Personality disorders are seen by the American Psychiatric Association as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it.

2,280 Members

4,808 Posts

0 Online

xBlissx 04/05/2011

I had a therapy appointment today and my therapist basically told me he's tried everything and there's nothing more he can do for me. Unless I'm able to make changes to my thinking patterns, I'm going to stay stuck, depressed and hopeless. He said I've defeated him.
He said that if I can't make these changes because I'm too scared of what they will bring, then I have to accept that I'm going to stay stuck. And that now I should be trying to just accept I'm going to stuggle with my eating disorder, going to be depressed and going to feel hopeless.

... yeah cause that's going to give me a lot of hope isn't it!

I just don't know what to do now really. Should I stop my sessions with him? He's not been giving me 'therapy' for months now. He's just been more of a support than a therapist. I don't want to leave him though, I'm scared of trying to fight this on my own. I don't know what I'd do without him sometimes.
Trouble is he's got hundreds of other patients who he needs to see and if I can't change then he can't wait for me forever.
I just feel completely hopeless about everything now. I've not had any hope for the last year or so, but having other people tell me it will get easier and it will get better has kept me going. Now that's all just been thrown out the window in one therapy session. He said he's not the one giving up on me, I've already given up myself which is why he can't help me.

I need support and advice guys. My emotions are so mixed at the moment. One minute i'm upset, the next i'm angry, then I just feel hopeless. I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. Believe that this is it? Believe that this is how it's going to be for the rest of my life and I've just got to accept it? How can I accept it!? The last two years have been awful, I was sectioned last Feb and in hospital this time last year. Accept that? Accept that I could end up in that position again so easily.

I just can't do it...

DivineSilence 04/05/2011

Have you thought about trying a different type of therapy? Sometimes where cognative therapy doesn't work Dialectic therapy can.... there are groups for DBT that are working wonders for some people.... can you ask him about that? There is ALWAYS hope........ I'm sorry you are feeling so crappy. ((HUGS))

xBlissx 04/05/2011

@ DivineSilence: He's not a CBT therapist as such. He uses al his 'experience' and takes bits from different types of therapy to work with his patients.
I did actually ask him whether I could try and find someone who does DBT. But he said no because while I was having therapy with him, I couldn't be under anyone else.
Maybe now though if he is suggesting I end my sessions with him. It might be a good time to search for a DBT therapist.

deleted_user 04/05/2011

This is my perspective on therapy: Therapy isn't a place to go to complain or vent. It's a place to go to learn new skills. Digging deep to uncover why you have a diagnosis or whatever else isn't necessary.

What is necessary is accepting that something needs to be changed, then doing the things to change it.

I don't know what your therapy consists of. So I cannot tell you exactly what I think.

I have been in and out of therapy since 08. And nothing worked because I wasn't trying. I wasn't participating. I just wanted to go there and cry and have somebody to talk to. But that does not work.

I see it every week in group. People want to change, they come in, but when the therapist suggests things, they say "Oh, nope. No. No."

I'm not saying that this is you, by any means. Again, I don't know what your therapy consists of.

I didn't see the light until I TRIED. And that's from my experience. I can't tell you how much therapy has helped me, but the therapist can't change you. YOU have to.

So, the hope I send you is to inspire you to really try to actively participate in therapy. It's really, really hard, but you can do it.

Good luck. =D

deleted_user 04/05/2011

As Divine stated, DBT does wonders and etc.

I want to add: I attempted DBT once before, but it did absolutely nothing for me. It wasn't until I accepted my circumstances as they are and focused on what I can do now to change how I feel, think, act/react.

Therapy is difficult to concentrate at if you have many stressors in your life. You might want to consider eliminating them. For me, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, homeless, and in immense debt. My therapist helped me fix all those before I was able to fix myself. I got rid of the boyfriend and worked my butt off to get out of debt and get an apartment. THEN I was able to focus on myself because I didn't have other worries on my mind. Just another suggestion.

Therapy really just isn't showing up to an appointment and talking.

Things have changed significantly for me. And I only wish to help others see that change is hard. Therapy works wonders, but there's more to it than just showing up.

Again, I hope this helps. =D

deleted_user 04/05/2011

Sorrry,... =(

But I also want to add: I have Borderline Personality Disorder, but in therapy, that isn't my focus. We don't discuss the diagnosis or read into it (for example: "I feel that way because of the disorder" or "It's because of my disorder that I do this,..") What we do is focus on the problem areas, such as my thought process. Not as how it relates to BPD, but just as something that needs a little change to it.

=D

xBlissx 04/06/2011

@kaylabear: Thank you for your posts. They really did help. I know what you mean when you say therapy isn't going in and talking, it's about learning to make changes and put them into practice. I guess I'm just not ready to make that leap yet.

I was thinking about this all last night and I came to the same conclusion. If therapy is to work, I need to actually be engaged in it, not just going in for a chat, an update and to get some support. I think this is what I've been doing. I've seen our sessions more as a comfort rather than something I have to work at to change.
I need to accept that no one has a magic wand they can wave to make it all go away. The only way things will change is if I'm either able to MAKE it happen, or accept the position that i'm in and try to get on with life.

Thanks again for your posts :)

deleted_user 04/06/2011

Maybe now is the time to try a new type of theraphy , This might be an open opportunity for yourself but you much be open and try to change, these things just don't happen on their own. Come in with an open mind.

deleted_user 06/15/2011

Please don't ever give up on yourself, you are beautiful and part of the Universe. I have just begun DBT and it has been a complete nightmare but I am back on track now. DBT is like being at school, with time patients and understanding we can retrain our minds. This is not a dream, but you really have to put the hard work in to see the results. I wish you all the best. Take care. ((((HUGS)))))

deleted_user 06/16/2011

the same thing happened to me as what happened to you...i was referred to a therapist thru my gp and i did for 10 months but in the end my therapist gave up on me, he didnt say it in so many words, in fact he lied and told me he was being moved to another post and cldnt carry on seeing me and that if i needed more help then i cld see someone else there, but i didnt want to go thru the whole process of opening myself up to another therapist and cover old ground again...but maybe if i had, i cld have moved further on in my recovery than i have without it...it's now something i really regret, not seeing another therpaist, and i have asked my gp to refer me back since but even he has turned round and said i have given it a fair crack of the whip but havent got anywhere with it so why shld he refer me again if i won't make proper use of it...so like you i am stuck and have to accept that i cant get therapy at the moment, maybe never again unless i can pay privately for it, and thats not very hopeful as i am on incapacity benefit and can barely afford to feed myself let alone pay for a shrink...it's very frustrating and depressing as i feel i have squandered my chances of getting better and that this is as good as it gets...so i wanted to let you know that i feel for you and your situation and that you are not alone, you're not the first and you're not the last to have sabotaged your healing prospects because you didnt realise what was expected of you, i know i didnt and i wish i had my time again but i dont and like the others have said its all about acceptance, whether you're in therapy or not...hope this helps...blessings manda xx

Siyaya 06/16/2011

My first therapist proposed to me (he said that would be the cure), my second therapist dumped me and my ex boyfriend persuaded me to dump my third one...Just find a new therapist and if possible find a place on a DBT programme! Someone who says you're hopeless is not worth the trouble...Good Luck!

deleted_user 06/16/2011

I think your therapist had one of two motivations in saying what he said. He might have said to you to accept your situation for the rest of your life to make you angry enough to take action. You even questioned yourself. How can I accetp this. This type of anger can be quite motivating, sort of like kicking yourself in your ass to make a change, to be open to work towards healing and health. I hope this therapist did this for that reason.

Another reason could be that he is ill-equipped to deale with someone with borderline. If so, find another therapist!! Whatever you end up doing, go into it with a pure heart and good intentions. The road to recovery and stable mental health is a long, tiring, daily process but the rewards are worth it.

Big Hugs

deleted_user 06/19/2011

I have read all the replies and see valid advice and info in each. My gut response is to find a new therapist. I know you like this guy and feel safe with him (or scared to be without him) but sometimes something as simple as a change can make all the info you've heard once click - or you may find someone who enjoys a challenge. ;) no matter what you decide, we all support you 100% and just want what's best for you.

alex34 06/19/2011

He is terrible for say that- not professional or even kind/ humane. I think you should just find another DBT therapist. This can be tricky but you can push for it on the NHS. There are also online prgrammes you can follow. If you cannot get DBT get CBT as this has had a lot of extra resources thrown at it in the UK and try and get it customised to a DBT type approach by taking dbt reosruces to the therapist. I hope you aren't paying for this person- get a refund or report him to what every professional body he is with! He should have his knuckles rapped! gawd, they get away with murder. If he isn't geared up for someone with your difficulties he should have helped you find someone who was. Probably his ego or not being informed enough made this situation worse. Lorks- dunno why your situation has rattled me so much sorry!

I guess they are only human and even with the best intentions can get it wrong and may not realise.

chynablue 06/20/2011

Your therapist is an ass. Just because he can't fix you with "the things he's tried" doesn't mean you can't be helped. It sounds to me like he is looking for magic words to say that will fix the problem, which is ridiculous.

If you can't change, he can't wait for you? WTF is that? He is completely unprofessional, unqualified, and ignorant. Tell him I said that!

You go girl and find yourself someone more skilled that will work with you instead of handing out stupid ultimatums. He is sooo wrong!

Join the Conversation