I would not say that people have a problem with me on a daily basis. I don't get the feeling that they think bad of me, or are judging me. Now there are times when I am having a bad day at work or home, and I feel as if people wonder, why I am acting the way I am. They can't see things the way I do, nor can they understand the way I deal with issues, the way I do. I am sure there are people who think they are getting a bad rap, and at times I might agree. But it is not something that I fight every day.

I have received a bad rap from the day I was diagnosed many years ago. At one point when I was researching and interviewing mental health professionals, 90% would not treat a person who was diagnosed with BPD or any personality disorder in my area. I have been told over and over again - you will not recover, you are too much of a pain to deal with as a patient(these are mental health professionals who do not know me but when I tell them I have a personality disorder, they assume). In my experience, as soon as they think a personality disordered person has gotten through their crisis, most inpatient programs try to get a person out immediately. No one in my life and I have no friends or family, so I can say this without reservation, know that there is anything wrong with me. It is my biggest secret and no one face to face will ever know because if the mental health professionals stay away, think what normal people would do and I do not like rejection. My two cents for what it is worth.

I pretty much have no friends. My family finds me difficult to deal with. I don't know how to interact with other people. I cannot maintain relationships with others. I get angry and act strange. I fear being in public and avoid it mostly because I think that the whole world knows that I have a serious mental illness and for that reason, they judge me and hate me. That is the reason I have no life, no friends, and wish I wasn't living, so that must be the reason why everyone judges me, too since I judge myself about it constantly. I compare myself to normal people who can work or people I used to be friends with who went to college and graduated. I am a failure compared to everyone else in this world because I can't seem to do any of those things. I am sure that is what the rest of the world sees when they look at me and talk to me. Why else would people ask me about work and school? I hate answering when I have nothing to say. I feel so embarrassed that I want to hide at home for the rest of my life and hope that it is a short one. Um, I doubt this was very helpful Ponygirl74. Sorry, I think I got really emotional while I was writing it.

This does help me, this is what I'm looking for. And as far as getting emotional we are all humans and feel. They are your feelings to feel. But it does help me. I have few friends and for many years had none, or ones that were not good or me. Now I have a few good friends that I'm trying my best not to push away. It is hard but I've had them or a year, and I hope many years to come. They are that good and I really love them. So please people posting because it helps put a real face on this illness. We are people also, no matter hoe "bad" we are and deserve to be treated with respect and love.

Re, the abandonment issues...if there is no one there I cannot be abandoned. Thus I have very few friends, most of whom have some mental illness of their own and can to some degree identify with what i say. Others that i deal with just know that i am "downright the strangest and most bizarre person theyve ever met". Unquote.
Those who have enough depth in themselves to stick around and see through the oddities find that I am quie a good friend to have.

Mental health proffessionals hadnt seen me in a long time, exactly due to the kind of attitudes refd to here.

I think especially high functioning individuals are suspected of being deceitful, as when we ask for help (and appear 'in control') accused of looking for attention, or just being swept under the carpet. Untill theres a major meltdown, and we get blamed for not 'saying anything'

Anyway, my 5 cents worth