Personality Disorders Support Group
Personality disorders form a class of mental disorders that are characterized by long-lasting rigid patterns of thought and behaviour. Personality disorders are seen by the American Psychiatric Association as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it.
I am in desperate need of some advice and support right now. I currently am in a relationship that I care deeply about. I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, which I have told him about. Recently the symptoms have been "out of control" and now he is considering ending our relationship.
Basically I freaked out on him because he was watching some kind of youtube video that has a naked girl in it, she was shaking her a** and things like that. I know logically this should not bother me but I snapped and felt like "why should I be in a relationship if guys can just look at attractive women all the time?" I cannot seem to separate love and simply finding someone attractive. I even freak out when there is an attractive waitress servings us, freak out if there is a girl in a movie!! I mean it is silly and psychotic and I dont know why this is happening! I feel worthless right now. I told him I am leaving...and over reacted and now he is soooo upset, wont talk to me and told me "i damaged this relationship"
I have been in bed crying all day and can barely eat...I feel so stupid. I have ruined ALL my relationships and this one is the last one I want this to happen to.
I should say we do have a past with "cheating" I found sexual texts he was sending to a girl asking for naked pictures and he was telling her she was beautiful. We have worked past this but I think it is still bothering me, months later..however..I was like this before the incident as well.
How should I talk to him about this? I recently joined a DBT group, but I feel like maybe I should not talk to him about this Borderline business anymore and just deal with this on my own.
Basically I freaked out on him because he was watching some kind of youtube video that has a naked girl in it, she was shaking her a** and things like that. I know logically this should not bother me but I snapped and felt like "why should I be in a relationship if guys can just look at attractive women all the time?" I cannot seem to separate love and simply finding someone attractive. I even freak out when there is an attractive waitress servings us, freak out if there is a girl in a movie!! I mean it is silly and psychotic and I dont know why this is happening! I feel worthless right now. I told him I am leaving...and over reacted and now he is soooo upset, wont talk to me and told me "i damaged this relationship"
I have been in bed crying all day and can barely eat...I feel so stupid. I have ruined ALL my relationships and this one is the last one I want this to happen to.
I should say we do have a past with "cheating" I found sexual texts he was sending to a girl asking for naked pictures and he was telling her she was beautiful. We have worked past this but I think it is still bothering me, months later..however..I was like this before the incident as well.
How should I talk to him about this? I recently joined a DBT group, but I feel like maybe I should not talk to him about this Borderline business anymore and just deal with this on my own.
As for the jealousy thing. I don't have any good advice. I stay out of relationships, because I know I'd have issues with it. I don't trust people and especially not romantic interests. But Rachelgoof had a very good point. Sometimes we take more crap then we should, because we feel we deserve it. We stay in abusive or crappy relationships for that reason. We're scared of abandonment so we stay. We smother others. And my personal biggest curse, we leave others before they can leave us. So perhaps make a list of real evidence of pros and cons about the relationship? I've never been in a DBT group, but if there is a platform, perhaps you could ask them for advice as well? Reach out to tons of people, gather as much advice as possible (to get as many different views as possible) and then decide what best fits for you and your situation?
I wish you good luck. I hope he's a decent man, but if he's not - and he's only damaging- I hope you find the strength to let him go.
He is a decent man, we have been through a lot together. My jealously is out of control..I mean even watching movies with him gets me angry if there is an attractive women in the film. I feel like a chaotic mess at the moment.
There is a distance between us now. He only responds to me with one word answers and it just seems like he is giving up hope and I feel so horrible..Like I did all of this.
I guess I should keep my recovery to myself for now until the cracks in our relationship heal a little bit and I get a little stronger with the jealously stuff.
He is a decent man, we have been through a lot together. My jealously is out of control..I mean even watching movies with him gets me angry if there is an attractive women in the film. I feel like a chaotic mess at the moment.
There is a distance between us now. He only responds to me with one word answers and it just seems like he is giving up hope and I feel so horrible..Like I did all of this.
I guess I should keep my recovery to myself for now until the cracks in our relationship heal a little bit and I get a little stronger with the jealously stuff.
Ive found that if you are in a stable loving relationship these feelings eventually become more bearable but it takes time!
I'm not good at giving advice but I wanted to share my opinion on your post.
It's your choice to leave or stay in the relationship. Either way I'll support you. From what I hear you say...it sounds like you're trying to be totally responsible for issues in your relationship. BPD or not, I don't think you're 100% to blame. It takes two to tango. Please try and lighten up on yourself. Try not to focus on the negative..think about the positive things you've brought to the relationship.
As far as the cheating goes...It sounds like a trust issue that hasn't been resolved. After cheating it's hard to start trusting a person again. Trust is earned and it takes time.
Your jealousy is typical of BPD... I'm being forward with you so I hope I dont anger or hurt you. It sounds like a personal insecurity of yours. I know it's hard to deal with, been there done that. Try not to feed into those insecurities and don't give them a second thought. Maybe talking to a counselor and figuring out what has made you feel so insecure.
Couple counseling is a good idea to work on trust issues. I hope this helps you. I'm here if you ever need to talk.
Take care,
Kris