Personality Disorders Support Group
Personality disorders form a class of mental disorders that are characterized by long-lasting rigid patterns of thought and behaviour. Personality disorders are seen by the American Psychiatric Association as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it.
I'm not doing very well.
I've recently had treatment for my anorexia and now it feels like that has been taken away and my depression has hit me. The self harming thoughts have come back and this afternoon all I could think about was how nice it would be to just take a load of tablets, go to sleep and not wake up.
Over the past couple of weeks my self harm thoughts have been getting worse. It's been over a month...not sure how long exactly that I last cut but I'm having really strong urges recently.
Not only that but I want to do it in a different place. I always cut my thighs but now all of a sudden it doesn't feel right if I were to do it there again. I want to cut my arms even though I know people are more likely to notice.
I saw my therapist today which helped at the time. He's got an interesting approach which must come from working with personality disorders for 14 years. When I told him how I'd been feeling, he very bluntly said "if you kill yourself, I'll be really peed off". Even when feeling this bad he made me smile. It's just the way he says things I think sometimes. Either that or it was a situation where I would either laugh or cry. Light hearted comments aside... we talked things through and I left feeling a bit better. However now I'm back at home and have the weekend looming over me I'm anxious about how I'll cope again.
It's funny that I only replied yesterday to a topic about attachments to therapists, and yet here I am wondering how I'm going to make it safely to Monday when I see him again. Although at the time he seems to be able lift the overwhelming feeling of the thoughts, it doesn't last so it leaves me just hanging on for the next appointment.
I just feel so hopeless about things at the moment and I don't know how to convince myself that things can change. Or how to cope with these thoughts!
x-Bliss-x
I've recently had treatment for my anorexia and now it feels like that has been taken away and my depression has hit me. The self harming thoughts have come back and this afternoon all I could think about was how nice it would be to just take a load of tablets, go to sleep and not wake up.
Over the past couple of weeks my self harm thoughts have been getting worse. It's been over a month...not sure how long exactly that I last cut but I'm having really strong urges recently.
Not only that but I want to do it in a different place. I always cut my thighs but now all of a sudden it doesn't feel right if I were to do it there again. I want to cut my arms even though I know people are more likely to notice.
I saw my therapist today which helped at the time. He's got an interesting approach which must come from working with personality disorders for 14 years. When I told him how I'd been feeling, he very bluntly said "if you kill yourself, I'll be really peed off". Even when feeling this bad he made me smile. It's just the way he says things I think sometimes. Either that or it was a situation where I would either laugh or cry. Light hearted comments aside... we talked things through and I left feeling a bit better. However now I'm back at home and have the weekend looming over me I'm anxious about how I'll cope again.
It's funny that I only replied yesterday to a topic about attachments to therapists, and yet here I am wondering how I'm going to make it safely to Monday when I see him again. Although at the time he seems to be able lift the overwhelming feeling of the thoughts, it doesn't last so it leaves me just hanging on for the next appointment.
I just feel so hopeless about things at the moment and I don't know how to convince myself that things can change. Or how to cope with these thoughts!
x-Bliss-x
I don't cut myself or have an eating disorder but I mentally abuse myself. I too have constant thoughts of not being here. Do you have any hobbies to take your mind off of those thoughts? It might help, It helps me to stay EXTREMELY busy. Find something you really enjoy doing, take a fun class of some sorts.
Hope you feel better :)
I have found that music can help though. If I put my earphones in on my ipod and turn it up really loud I can concentrate on the lyrics. It's helped me out a couple of times so far.
x-Bliss-x
Please if things get to the point where you can't stop your urges go to the hospital. I know it sucks but your safety is #1. I struggle with a lot of the same issues so just some ideas of things try I have been told in the past. I am not a therapist I am just passing along ideas. Try rubbing ice on the spot you want to SI, the extreme cold really helps me. The only thing with this is that you make sure you won't do any tissue damage or give yourself frost bite. Snap a rubber band around your wrist. This doesn't work for me but I have a friend it helps. Put red food coloring on the area you want to SI and watch it run into the sink, this gives you the simulation of blood. You could also look up the butterfly project. I am having trouble finding a good explanation of it right now but it may be helpful to you. Others in DS have written about it and they might be able to help you get more info about it. Something that has been helping me lately to remember my relationship with my therapist and hold me over between sessions is having a picture of her and a letter from her. This reminds me of our relationship and the hard work I am doing. Please above all take care of yourself. This is so hard to live with. Please know that others have been there and I do feel your pain. Remember if there are downs and you can feel them there have also been ups. Otherwise you wouldn't know the difference. As a side note have you tried DBT? That is what actually got me to to stop cutting after many years. You will be in my thoughts.