Personality Disorders Support Group
Personality disorders form a class of mental disorders that are characterized by long-lasting rigid patterns of thought and behaviour. Personality disorders are seen by the American Psychiatric Association as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it.
I love being alone in the house. I get that for a few hours three times a week. I like being alone because every little noise in the house sets off my anger and it takes all self control not to yell at my family. I don't like being aggressive. I don't like yelling, but that's what I feel like. The noises make me angry because sometimes they scare me, I'm jumpy all the time and easily startled. So I love the quiet.
I also like being alone because my mother hovers over me and intrudes on my privacy and I feel like I have no privacy, because (bless her heart, she is so caring) she feels like she has to know EVERYTHING that is going on with me. I appreciate her concern, but the same time, I'm 19 and I wanna keep some things private. If she sees me crying or something, I can't just say that I need to be alone, she will stand there and no go away until I tell her, and then she yells at me for keeping the issue from her.
I wish I could fall apart. That's so much better than having to push things down, but I can't lock my door without her freaking out, and she doesn't knock, she just barges in. I can't go for a drive because I don't have my license, because I'm scared to drive. I can't go for a walk because of my anxiety, I can't hang out with friends because I pushed them all away.
I'm just very stressed and very on edge and i want it all to go away so I sit here trying not to cry or explode and the urge to self harm is very strong.
I also like being alone because my mother hovers over me and intrudes on my privacy and I feel like I have no privacy, because (bless her heart, she is so caring) she feels like she has to know EVERYTHING that is going on with me. I appreciate her concern, but the same time, I'm 19 and I wanna keep some things private. If she sees me crying or something, I can't just say that I need to be alone, she will stand there and no go away until I tell her, and then she yells at me for keeping the issue from her.
I wish I could fall apart. That's so much better than having to push things down, but I can't lock my door without her freaking out, and she doesn't knock, she just barges in. I can't go for a drive because I don't have my license, because I'm scared to drive. I can't go for a walk because of my anxiety, I can't hang out with friends because I pushed them all away.
I'm just very stressed and very on edge and i want it all to go away so I sit here trying not to cry or explode and the urge to self harm is very strong.
Meanwhile, it totally makes sense that you benefit from the alone time, although it also sounds like you could use some support. Hard to hold so much in...support groups might conceivably help; i know it's helped others. I just hope that you can find your way; sorry that you're feeling so bad. I can relate.