Personality Disorders Support Group
Personality disorders form a class of mental disorders that are characterized by long-lasting rigid patterns of thought and behaviour. Personality disorders are seen by the American Psychiatric Association as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it.
I read your journal and I immediately knew how you felt so I empathise in that respect :]
Not to try and be negative but I seriously believe in giving yourself a break. Life owes you nothing, you just gotta make your life happen for what it is.
I know that breaking out of the crappyness is damn hard and a loonng process but you'll get here one day. Take everything one tiny step at a time and always remember to reward yourself!
So one day you can't go outside, that's ok but doing something out of the ordinary is so much better. Strip yourself down to the basics and find out what you like and what you don't. I'm not saying that you have to go skydiving everyday and constantly be smiling about it, just taking that tiny step makes everything worthwhile. Even if it's to go outside and smell the air and run back in the house again.
It does get better. I promise you that!