I'm feeling very lost today and just need to vent. I'm going to see a psychiatrist on Tuesday, a specialist in BPD and no doubt I'll be diagnosed with it. My Dr, my psychologist and my partner are convinced I have it. I'm feeling very distant from the world today. My new man is sweet, but we have become very distant lately. He says it's because of my mood changes and my behaviours. He can't handle them, they are normal for me and I feel so misunderstood. When I express myself it is seen as manipulation and games, I feel that I'm just expressing myself. I would never want to hurt anyone or manipulate them. I feel I'm in a place where I don't belong, feel so disconnected, just going through the motions of each day. I long to be close to my partner again, I miss the intimacy we once had. I don't know why he stays with me if that's the way he really feels. I don't have the rule book for life, I wish I did, I feel like I'm driving without a license. Anyway, thanks for reading.