hey dont be so hard on yourself hunni ok x

You are not a failure. Downward spirals happen. And therapists are there to help.

You are more than your illness and you are not a failure, even though you may feel like one at times.

I was doing so well and now it's going to be the same old story. "Hey guess what! Yep that's right, feeling shit again so everything goes out the window. Yep that's right I am indeed a complete failure. I can't keep anything going and I was stupid to think I ever could!"

A comment to what you said up above, every good moment and the skills you have learned to cope with life and your emotions have NOT gone to waste. You may feel like a failure because you couldn't keep the good going but just because you fell a step or two backward you can always go forward again. None of the things you learned went out the window! It's just behind a closed door which you can get back with patience and work.

i would have to say that your ability and insight to see what is happening with you... is a big step.... you see it and recognize it...and now you move forward...it all takes time

I know how you feel.i've felt that way myself so many times.I think life is a journey that doesnt go in a straight path.We go up the hills and back down.there are twists and turns and sometimes we have to try a new path.Just my analogy.Life is difficult and we can only do our best,not somebody elses best.Just our best....If you can forgive yourself for not being perfect it might help.you are doing the best you can right now.Try and look at the things you did right at the end of the day,instead of focusing on what you did wrong.Even if its as simple as maybe I took a shower,or ,I smiled at a sad person.Whatever it is no matter how small it might seem.Just tell yourself you did good :)

I can't tell you how many times I've said I need or should or am going to do this or that or not do this or that only to end up not doing what I said for one reason or another. It's the disorder or illness it's not you. Just keep getting up and trying and be honest with yourself and your councelor. I feel the same way. Embarrassed to see my councelor again just to tell her yes I've been still seeing the ex abusive boyfriend and getting drunk and gambled 400 dollars and haven't done anything we talked about. I do want to get better and stop self destructing but sometimes it just seems so hard to make yourself do things. I get so depressed and don't want to talk to anyone or don't think anyone can help or understand. My thoughts and feelings get in the way.
Don't beat yourself up so much. It doesn't help to call yourself names. You obviously want to be better or you wouldn't be so bothered by it. And try not worrying what your councelor will think. They are there for you, not the other way around. I do that alot too. I canceled my last two appts (once again) after saying I will go all the time from now on. Because I was depressed or too tired or didn't know what to say, didn't want to admit how I've really been doing lately. Take it easy, hugs

Same with me I made a schedule all my own of the things I do in the week, left plenty of blanks to so I can get it done.

But I still put in less than half the time on the schedule, I was trying to calm myself that I had done some of the stuff but I have done nothing on the major activity that seems to have moved me forwards so I just came down really hard on myself feeling really depressed like I am useless.

I am working with CBT to try to raise my self esteem, it says I need to consider alternatives.

I see the following positives:

1. I can find people to help me with the main task

2. I can go to the library that can help me with better planning of
the main task

3. I can start doing volenteer work that will help me think that I am not just useless

4. I am not used to making my own own schedule and following it, this is new to me, I will do better next week.

xBlissx, there are always alternative ways to look at things.

You were doing really well there is no reason to think that one lapsed week wipes out all the good you have done. Next week things will probably go fine.

Do not beat yourself up about this please, I am sure your therapist will be very understanding. I think it is the fact that your own desire to feel that everything is going perfectly and be able to tell your therapist has been thwarted which makes you feel bad about going to therapy.

But from what I can see you did really well to keep it up till now. You will get back in the swing of it soon I am sure.


I do have one thing I wanted to ask you, before everything seemed to fall apart for you and you did not go into work this week. Did you have a sudden feeling of inexplicable apathy when you suddenly just wanted to do nothing, did this feeling seem to come out of no-where?

This is what happened to me just now and it has happened to me before, I do not believe I am bipolar but I sometimes do seem to get sudden and inexplicable mood swings sometimes.

I can completely relate to you.

I recently moved half way across the US with no job and very little money. The job I did get I quit less then two weeks into because I couldn't handle the pressure. The pressure of the work and the pressure of my co-workers. I, too, thought that I could handle everything. That I was completely fine and could drive myself several thousand miles, alone, across country and be fine. I thought I could go two months without therapy and be fine. I'm finding that I was completely wrong. Not only am I leaving myself broke and depressed but I'm also living off my two best friends who I now owe several thousand dollars.

I fucked up and made a poor decision. I'm in a pretty down place and still unemployed. Every day is a struggle to get out of bed and look for a job. To hang out with my roommates and have fun.

What keeps me going is knowing that I've been here before and I got out of it. This cycle may happen again but it will get better.

I know you're feeling the lowest of lows and I know the feeling of desperation to be normal but you need to accept yourself for who you are. Good, bad, right, wrong, you're alive and kicking. You're still here. You have a chance to pull everything back together. Find strength in anything you can and let that guide you. Even if it's for a minute. That's one minute you cold find something else to pull you along.

I hope this helps and I hope you can be easier on yourself. I wish you the best.

-Lauren