Hi, I'm very newly diagnosed. I am currently reading "The Buddha and the Borderline" (It is a memoir by Kiera Van Gilder) and have begun individual counseling, will begin skills training DBT soon.

I know only very little. I can however relate with your story very much, and I have heard and read of a book titled "Don't Leave Me, I Hate You." or something similar. I believe that your feelings are fairly common among us.

I am certain that you will find suggestions and support here. It is a really great place~good luck on your journey...I look forward to meeting up along the way!!

I'm glad to hear that you want to fix this. If you like to read, I recommend "Reinventing Your Life," by Jeffrey Young & Janet Klosko. What you are experiencing is not lack of love for your boyfriend, but a reaction to the memory of a toxic childhood (often from before you could even talk).

Another great book is "I hate you - don't leave me"

Wishing you the very best!

I'm Not Like This In Relationships But I Havent Had Much Experience With That Side =P But I Do Feel Like That With Alot Of Ova People, Like When I Have People Ova To Sleep, Its Been Like A Week Since I Had Any Contact With Them And I Really Missed Them, But As Soon As They Are Here All I Want Is To Just Be Alone, An When Im Alone, All I Want Is Them To Be Here Haha xD

I know others have made this suggestion and I don't want to sound like a broken record, but the book " I Hate You-Don't Leave Me " changed my life.

The psychiatrist I was seeing at the time suggested I buy the book. The next time I saw her I came in with the book loaded with sticky notes and highlighted so I could share with her some of the things I had in common with the book. That was how she told me I was borderline. She let me figure it out from reading the book.

Individual counseling and a willingness to open yourself up and lay yourself out to be healed to the best of your ability.

It takes time to change or counteract old ways of thinking or reacting. It takes time to accept and to move on. I am doing this very thing that you are talking about and much more right now. I started in 2006. I am much much better than before. But I still get in there and lay out my heart and do the actions I need to do. Progress comes little bits at at time but as I look back those little bits have amounted to a much more stable life.

I am still working on my mind when it comes to romantic relationships. I have had to redefine beauty for myself, understand who safe people are, what manipulation looks like, understand priorities vs needs, understand that "life isn't all about me", and work on relationship effectiveness skills. I am still not ready for a relationship..but I also have a 10 year old child that is my focus now..not a man. So if I were single without a child I may be ready now to try a new relationship..with the constant support of a therapist.

Anyways I wish you the best. It sounds like many people have offered some great book ideas as well.