Hi peachy, I understand exactly what you mean....I don't think that I'm still in denial, but on the odd occaisson I get that sharp chill-like stabbing pain just below the ribs just off centre... when it dawns on me that I have a serious illness, not so much as life-threatening, but no stroll in the park shall we say. To be honest it still scares the poop out of me, even though I've accepted what I have is very much part of me now, I still remain scared but also optimistic at the same time of what the future holds....does that make sense?....
I try to put a humourous tint to it by refering to my tremours and other symptoms as "Mr Wobbly", there's nothing remotely funny having PD, but that helps me through.... I think you have to retain a sense of humour but also have a tipping point where for example people that you regarded as associates or so-called friends down-play what I/you have, I don't seek sympathy or any special favours but just a little consideration now and then.. One person I knew told a joke about PD one night in the local bar and he'd forgotten momentarilly that I was there amongst the group..... he cracked up laughing and 1 or 2 sniggered with embarrassment.....needless to say I told him what to do in no certain terms... that guy learnt a lesson and is now a good friend.
People who fortunately don't have PD or any other chronic illness are totally unaware and downright unrespectful to those who have, they are such ignorant and not worth wasting time on, I've come across many of those in my time.
I find it's not only friends that don't seem to care or check up on me, my close family are great, but most don't seem to care.
I found that people who weren't even friends initially and who were just on the edges have turned out to be more reliable than family when I had a real bad time with meds a while back, and therefore gone on to become great friends.
There are times I feel so vulnerable when I'm out and about, even in today's hard edged society there are still some lovely kind hearted people willing to help out when needed.

I hope you haven't minded me ranting....

I wish you well... keep fighting & smiling..

Yours Sincerely Dirk !!;O))xx

Thank you Dirk, you are brave and scared like me

Hey
I also am still in denial I guess- I was diagnosed over 2 years ago- I don't want to be "that guy" that is sick or cant do .... I have always been VERY independent - live alone and am still single - I cant accept the possibility that I am Going to be basically disabled at some point - Maybe it is good that I don't accept that - keeps me fighting

I am working full time ( although it is REALLY difficult at times) I am a designer - have to walk a showroom and do computer drawings all day -

Boss and co worker are aware - but I don't want to let this interfere with my work ( which I love )

Friends don't know what to say - OR ask- with the meds I APPEAR normal - but there is a CONSTANT thing in my head screaming - "move normal - act normal " and I don't want to ever complain or tell anyone I cant do something -

Wonder which will win - the disease or a "cure " ??

I am newly diagnosed and am trying to move, albeit slowly, out of the denial phase as difficult as that may be. I am also trying to be optimistic and maintain my sense of humor, though it has been difficult at times to do so. Still, I must not let PD define me. I did not chose this disease but I can chose how I live with it. I am fortunate to have a very supportive family and friends, at least the ones I've told.

Since starting on Sinemet and changing over to Requip XL from the standard drug I can honestly say I feel much better. Side effects have lessened to the extent that I really wonder if I have got this 'thing'.

Until today that is! It has been the worst day since I was diagnosed. All tablets have been taken but why did I wake up to balls of light circling the room and figures lurking in the house. The trip to town was one long stagger and that feeling of being stared at was back again.

Tonight, I can laugh about it - I feel so much better. It just goes to show that we will have constant reminders of our illness - I will not use that horrible word disease but we've got to laugh and enjoy ourselves in between.

One final thing, peachybum talks of friends. Well I learnt today that a so called friend saw me in town today and was surprised at my walking difficulties. Making himself known and a coffee or drink would have been appreciated. Still, it's one less for the Christmas list!

It's late and is now another day. What happened is now yesterday. I wonder what today will be like? Hope it's a good one - for you to.

Hi Peachy,
This disease we have is certainly no walk in the park for any of us. I have wondered many times over the last 15 years or so "why me" but then it always comes back to me "why not me." I got over the denial thing a long time ago, but do remember going through it. We just don't want to believe it or asccept it and who could blame us, certainly no one with a functioning brain. Unfortionatly, there seem to be a lot of those. We just have to consider the source and move on. As for being afraid of the future some days I'm scared and somedays I'm scared to death. Don't want to think about it , talk about it or deal with it on any level. Those days, I'm mostly angry. Speaking of which, I think we have every reason and right to be. Even take a day off once in awhile to feel sorry for myself. But then I pick up the pieces and move on one more time. Each of us handles the bad news when we get it a little differently and have to deal with it in our own way. Just like you not wanting to tell people, that's you and that's OK. Whatever helps you get through each day is what you need to do for you. I didn't want to go out and tell everyone but there were certain people that once I was able to tell thjem without coming apart, I felt better . It helped me to know that they knew and I didn't have to try and hide it. For me it took away a lot of pressure. Thinking about my future and what I will have to deal with really does scare me, so I really do try not to dwell on it, and this is hard too because we have to live it everyday. There is no vacation time and it has taken so much from me already. And yet with all this, I know that attitude has a lot to do with how we feel and how we get through each day, so I try my best to keep a decent one. I'm just so grateful that I have all of my friends here that do understand and let us vent when we need to. Remember there is no right or wrong way to handle any of this. Just what works for you and helps you to cope.
Hugs, Joanee

Whether you accept PD or not, it does not matter. IT has selected you, it will have occasionally its way with you. How you conduct yourself from this point on is what really matters. Gather strength from whatever means you need, and get on with living life.

Don't worry about other people, 1/2 of the earth's population have an intelligence (or curiosity index) less than a potted plant. Rid yourself of these people if they annoy you.

C

Well put Canuk, Especially the part about most people having the intelligence level of a potted plant! Could not have even come close to saying it better myself. Short and to the point. Well said and well done.
Joanee

That is the hardest part is PEOPLE----they are so ignorant. This one lady said to me yesterday, "well you don't seem to be shaking today". I told her, "well if you took all my skin off you would see me shaking believe me". That sounds crude maybe but just being diagnosed a few wks ago I realize the less people you tell the better. I have hardly told anyone not even my two grown children yet. My snobbish daughter will think I made it all up for attention and my loving son will get too worried and he is under enough stress now. To me, I just think time will tell.

One thing is true though, drop off the people that are ignorant because it drags a person down that's for sure and none of us need that.

I think I am still in denial trying to prove to myself it isn't true by doing lots of research. But all that is doing is pointing back to the same conclusion in the end. This is such a strange disease, some days are good and then some it feels like I am shaking all over, especially if I get too stressed. Then the next day I bomb out.

I am so happy to find this forum. I awakened today feeling pretty low. I finally got myself out of bed around 3AM and have been up writing since (it is now 10AM). I had terrifying dreams last night. As for my situation: my husband left our marriage after 45 years! I am still under treatment for breast cancer and now the Parkinson's diagnosis. I responded right away to the levodopa. Thank God! My husband wants his $ half of our home so it went on the market yesterday. Stress is rearing its very ugly head. Thank God for my faith and thank God for his grace and mercy. I, too, have a very full "plate" and I don't think I can handle much more. God Bless us all.

Although Peachy began this topic, this reply is for Mrsdub. Mrs /Dub, I have had PD now for 34 years. A very long time. It hasn't been without its pitfalls, with falls the key word there, LOL, but I must comment on your replu to Peachy. In all of my years I have bever seen a situation such as yours described sio graciously! So many timre I've witnessed a "parting of the ways" when serious/chronic illness is thrust upon a family and one of the spouses sees it as a convenient "out". Very selfish on the part of rhe one departing, who at the same time. kicks the partner who is down! A very traumatic situation, in most cases, coupled with the PD dx.
I envy your strength and fortitude~

Regards,
Jim Evridge
"AKA:SILVERFOXX_FIGHTING_BACK"

Being off the subject a little. I've been divorced for over 20+ years. So, I dated often. I have found dating, in the 3+ years of being diagnosed with PD, to be very disappointing.

Personally, after many months of grief when I first found out I had PD, I have accepted that I have it and work around it. So, I don't complain to others about how I feel or look for people to feel sorry for me. I just go with the flow and smile.

Anyway, back to the dating issue. It seems that the women I have dated recently seem to think that they might get "stuck" with me in the future when my PD gets worse. So, they look for an excuse to dump me. The usual excuse is they are "worried" about MY future.

So far this year....I took Tai Chi class for 6 weeks and will be starting Reiki classes next month. I highly recommend Tai Chi. To me ... it's like meditation-in-motion.

Get out there....don't worry about what other people think. Life is good ! And, yes, I stopped dating. Nobody needs all of that negativity in their life.

It takes a very special person to knowingly enter into a long term permanent relationship with someone affected by a chronic degenerating illness -its not going to happen in 99.9% of the cases in my opinion, fact of life.

The marriages that do end when one partner falls sick are usually surviving on treads anyways...perhaps its better to part than live in a bad marriage while sick.

My $0.02.

C

I firmly believe there is someone, out there, for everyone. I just need a rest and haven't ruled out dating forever. Let life take it's course for awhile and see what happens !

Wow, are you eloquent! Couldn't have said it better. My friends just have no idea what I am going through and it is because I am unwilling to "share", mainly because I refuse to be subject to pity. I have already experienced that with my bouts with cancer and it is almost as if they had written me off and yet, here I still am, working, caring for my family and being perky!
This support group on line is new to me but I run one which I started, for women with cancer and it has helped me to focus on others and less on myself.
lin