Artic5 just hang on to what you have got. Wrap a towel over his nose and mouth and agree on no wet kisses. you don't want to have a relationship where your partner is pushed to look outside for sexual satisfaction. Men are simple and easy to please. Good luck Alex

If you got man who loves you ,you are lucky . He is a keeper sick or not.Find a time when his meds are working the best. Do a little planning . That is the time when he will not drool or have have other symptoms. Then you can decide , what to foo next. Sex can be enjoyed by both of you.

How grateful I am for a husband who loves me in spite of my many aggravating symptoms from PD, and other chronic illnesses. We've only been married 12 years, and most of it's been "in sickness" on my part. (Had I known, I would not have married him.)

Billy Graham has poignantly said there are other ways to make love, even if its with your eyes. Prayers for you to come to the best decision.

as for the drooling(sialorrhea)...marijuana will help dry it up, also botox injection will dry up his mouth for up to several months at a time side effect of marijuana is aphrodisiacal as a bonus, get a jar of korean kimchi at fred meyer or the asian market... 300 W 36th Ave
Ste 6
Anchorage, AK 99503
Get Directions
Phone number (907) 561-4460

it has loads of probiotic that are naturally part of the fermentation...they can virtually eliminate burping and gas with just couple mouthfuls a day. get intimate when he is on his medication on time to limit rigidity and or get the doc to prescribe a mild relaxant like ativan to loosen up his muscles....the marijuana will override the "relax part" enough to "perform"....if his pd is right side dominant have him lay on his left side to remove trapped air in his stomach or vice versa...air gets trapped in the stomach when half the smooth stomach muscle is rigid. i do all this and have a great tony the tiger sex life as result. i dont take the ativan though for rigidity but i have before.....a martini might help reduce rigidity if you dont want the ativan....again the marijuana will override the negative issues involved with a cocktail such as a single martini, usually. ginseng root (asian market) will also increase rigidity in the right places due to increased blood flow and will relax the rest of his muscles due to the same reason. it all works quit nicely. ginseng will also ease the stomach and so will pickled ginger and the ginger will smell nice . if the kimchee doesnt work or you dont like it try some potent probiotics found in health store. limit dairy products on a date night also...i have tons of tricks and yes they really work well for me. also the ativan will dry out the mouth sometimes but not as well as the marijuana. listerine and caffeine will also dry out the mouth. cold clammy lips can be fixed with KY warming jelly (rub on lips dont eat) or just olive oil will often work.


peace

BT

I probably should keep my mouth shut, but here's a bit from the perspective of someone caring for a loved one with PD... There's no way to sugar-coat the reality: if you're "grossed out" by your fiance's current symptoms as you described them above, just think of what still lies ahead as bladder and bowel incontinence become very real issues and challenges as the disease progresses, just as an example. According to your profile, you are an RN, in which case, your profession must surely give you more than your share of insight into and experience with the many challenges and indignities faced by the gravely infirm and, right there in the trenches with them, their caregiver(s) with their own set of challenges.

Granted, caregiving is more manageable (I can't use the word "easier" since it's just not easy!) if you love, truly and deeply love, the person for whom you are caring. PD tests the best of relationships, including the best of marriages. If my parents hadn't met 60 years ago after wartime in Europe and married for almost 56 years, their marriage would not have made it to the point of "until death do you part" ...and then it was my father, the primary caregiver, who lost his life due to the physical and emotional burdens associated with PD and caregiving...and my father had me right beside him as a co-caregiver, most of it full-time since 2009. It can't be done all alone, that's for sure.

Thanks to very good existing drug therapies and new ones coming to market, you will surely have a number of good years with your fiance before you will become more of a care partner than a spouse and, then, an outright caregiver. Keep in mind, though, that cognitive impairment does occur in about 30 - 40% of people afflicted with PD, which percentage increases as the disease progresses. For me as the caregiver and as the daughter, it's the cognitive challenges and decline that make this disease so overwhelming for me, both physically and emotionally.

Please don't pack your bags and run, but do think carefully about how committed you are to this wonderful man, whether your love is the kind that can go through the many challenges and a lot of stress, and whether you and your fiance have the support and financial resources that enable you to help you maintain as much of a good quality of life as possible when the really difficult years start.

It's wonderful that you are a nurse, which will come in very handy, and even better that you two love one another very much. I wish you both all the very, very best.

As I've gotten older, the test I use whether I let people close is "Is this a hand I can see holding mine when I die." and vice versa. If the answer is no, if I know they won't go the distance with me, or me with them, then they don't need to be close.

Harsh, maybe, but I am a little to open to people. I would consider it a privilege to care for my dear Jim -- pray he never has to go through anything like that for his sake. But I would in a literal heartbeat.

Sex...what's that?

Hello Artic5,

Just finished reading your post and can see that you really have some difficult decisions to make. Living with PD is not easy and caring for someone with PD is even harder. Trying to build a relationship with someone new is even harder when PD is a factor.

Take a moment and re-read your post. I saw the words "barrier," "resentment," and "grossed out." If you are using these words to describe your relationship it might be a good time to slow down for a minute. I am sounding judgmental and I don't want to be that way and I certainly don't want to hurt your feelings. Perhaps an objective perspective from a counselor could help you work through your doubts.

Your friend sounds like he is a good and caring soul and deserves as much as you to have someone who cares for him as he is, warts and all. I wish you and he both the best of luck for the future and hope that you will find the answers you seek.

Thank you all for your thoughful feedback. I'm truly grateful. I have a lot to consider. I've beaten myself up for not desiring the only man who has ever truly loved me. A couple of you ask "what is sex."... I'd like to know what you both meant?? To me it's a basic human need & the glue that holds couples together over time. I want to be able to look at my lover & desire him always & never be wondering what it would be like with another man. We are very close emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, mentally, but I do not want to have to plan sex, as spontanity feels more natural to me. It would feel like a chore...I have only know hm for a year & symptoms of Parkinson's were slight; however, I have seen increased weakness & decline in his functioning. I had a horrible (poverty, neglects, abuse, alcohol father who was violent & mentally abusivd & an emotionally absent mother & a 20 year marriage to an emotionally absent, non communicative, angry, passive aggressive & non responsive ex husband.) . This was followed by a 4 year relationship with an abusive alcoholic., I've been in treatment & therapy for codependent for over a year & want to take back my life. Both my children are adults now & I want everything good from my life. I have found in my profession that love is not the only ingredient in what holds couples together over time. I just like most other people had no intention of divorcing after saying "I do," yet I had to choose myself rather than being with an abusive, unloving man. In short, I'm learning how to love me first & not compromise my heart's desire. Again, thank you all.

Artic5 the people who are asking about sex are just joking. It is well known that PWPD do not have much energy and the desire is also not there as strong as for healthy individuals . That for you have to do some planning.I am sure the desire to be intimate does not leave you rite away, once you thinking about that . Just use the of time to flirt and building up the desire. When the meds kick in , have good time and enjoy the awesome gift life gave you. Good MAN.
Where is a will there is a way.

As a PD person with an awesome husband, I would not want the relationship if the behaviors that are out of my control grossed him out, or made him recoil from me. That would be devastating. It is obvious in your post (not being mean here, I swear) that you are more concerned with the outward parts of the relationship than the sweet, steady, loving man (a like of which it sounds like you never had.) In life, we don't get EVERYTHING we want. We have to decide what is the forever part of life. As to sex, well -- I'm with Zlata. Where there is a will there is a way.

Do what's right for you -- but don't hurt him in the process.. He did not chose PD, even though he chose you. Prayers for you both.

AnnieG I have only known him for a year & am not married to this man yet. I want to make a decision that is right for me. It is heartbreaking & frustrating because I do desire him, but more often than not I find sex with him un satisfying, awkward & uncomfortable. It is the symptoms of the Parkinson's that gets in our way. It's like I'm going into a marriage when I know that our sex life will become less satisfying & I'll eventually become his care giver. I'd like to know how many if you would choose this position or choose to be in your current position if you had a choice??

Arctic5 it is not what we would do ,but what you want to do.Do you truly love him . Are you capable to commit to love after the disasters relationships you been through. It is a fair question .No criticisms on my site.Ask tour self , do I rile love this man.Can I get over the problem which are presenting , do to his illness . I can tell you with out question , that I would stand by my husband sick or healthy.His condition has nothing to do with that. Abusive or drunken husband is a different story. I love him with all my soul . Cannot and do not want to be with out him. Ask your self , haw do you feel about him honestly and your decision will be ease.

Ziata, I love your comment. Love is far deeper than the mere act of sex. I know for sure that my love for the man I married goes far above my sexual desire. I married him in sickness or in health. No matter what his illness i will always stand by my man. The person he is far exceeds anything else. Prior to our marriage he knew that I was ill. He told me that it did not matter to him. He said, "i will always love you." Ten and a half years later we are still deeply in love with each other. Knowing I had PD I gave birth to his son at forty. He came into my home knowing that I had four children and accepted that whole heartedly. I am thankful that he accepts me with all of my flaws.

Zlata, Hope4acure -- kudos on the good advice. Artic5 -- I love my husband with all my heart (I was in abusive relationships previous to him). On our first date, I disclosed my cancer & Lynch's history, and he knew I had 4 kids. He said what I was and had been through made me who I am, and that's all that mattered. I can tell you every day of 13 years, he has lived out that statement lovingly, truthfully and fully.

Were he to be incapacitated, I would do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I could for him, joyfully. This is how he has treated me. Did we choose this? No, but you may need to think about what's in the relationship for him with your baggage. The things we can see in a person are sometimes not as difficult to love and get through as the things we can't.

I am not perfect, nor is my husband. But real love goes way beyond the things you are talking about. I pray you make a good decision for yourself. None of us are without flaw, failure or undesirable things (physical or mental or emotional).