Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
It's been a struggle since October 2020. He is now in jail for 25 years without early release. Now he is being investigated for child pornography as he took a plea deal before all the evidence was reviewed. They found child pornography and some of it was my daughter. He will get more time for that. I havent heard anything about that case yet but Im sure I will get phone calls. He will die in prison as he is in his 50s and not healthy. Im still so angry, sad, and confused as to why he would molest his step daughter for 6 years. It is still crazy to me that I didnt know what to look for. I wish hospitals handed out information about petifiles when you have a child. I never thought I would be going through this struggle in my life. On a good note my daughter is doing ok. She is finally opening up to her therapist and just got hired at her first job at 16 years old. I hope after some more time I will be as strong as she is right now. I know she has had 8 years to process what happened to her and Im still in the first year. She had a powerful witness statement that she read at his sentencing hearing. I had read it 5 times before she read it but hearing her read it was heart wrenching. She was praised by the judge, detectives, DA and advocate on how well it was written. I will share the statement at the end of this so that maybe other victims will have the courage to speak up during trial. The most upsetting thing during the sentencing hearing was that he was able to tell both of us he was sorry and he should of never been able to raise a child. That made us both pretty upset. That is enough for today. Good luck to all the people that are going through this horrible situation.
Here is my daughters statement:
Hello your honor, My name is XXXXXX. I am 16 years old, and am a survivor of sexual abuse by my stepfather. At the end of last year, I came out to my mother about the abuse through text message. I wasn’t strong enough to tell her in person, so I did it the only other way I knew how. The night that I told her, I spent hours and hours just crying, looking at the send button of my already written message. I was terrified. But an impulse of bravery came, and I hit send. That second of bravery is what has brought me here today.
Few seconds pause -
For as long as I can remember, people loved him. He was amiable, friendly, and an overall nice person to be around. That is, only to the outside. Behind closed doors he was manipulative, violent, a liar, and a drunk.
He hurt me. He, who was supposed to protect me, who was supposed to be my lifeline, is the thing that all of the people who were actually protecting me tried to warn me of. I remember trying to distract myself from the disgust and guilt clawing at my chest every time he touched me. I remember being so scared to speak up, to say no. Even when what he did hurt.
I remember being paranoid every time I went to the bathroom or took a shower. That he would come into the only private place I had. I had nightmares about that for years. I remember having panic attacks at even the slight sign of a stomach ache, hoping to god that I wasn’t pregnant, even though it wasn’t even physically possible at my age.
Everything he touched I wanted to reject. Any cup, any plate, any ‘gift’ he gave me to buy my silence. Even my very own body.
Even today, I am affected. Before I went to therapy, I didn’t know what I was feeling half the time. And the other half, I didn’t even feel. I’ve had periods, some even weeks long, that I haven’t been able to work myself up to take a shower, or even to walk downstairs to go eat food. There have been times where the only thing I saw when I looked at myself was his hands on my body, touching me in ways that no father should.
To David -
I want you to know how this affected me, how it will affect me for the rest of my life. I will always remember what you did to me, and I’m sure, if there are any more of your victims out there, they will remember it too. Don’t try to forget what you’ve done, you deserve to live and reflect on it like I have to for the rest of my life. I’m not afraid of you anymore, David. From this point onwards, I am not a victim, but a survivor.
And what an amazing mom. You are still hurting so because you love your daughter -- that is at the core of all your remaining guilt, sorrow, anger, and bewilderment. That is the cost of believing your daughter, and you have been willing to pay it.
Yes, time is important to the healing process. Each day you put between yourself and disclosure is a measurable distance of how far you have come out alive.
My experience was, night after night, of going to bed and hoping I wouldn't wake up. Waking up meant I was alive -- a dull, painful constant. But, eventually, I heard a song I liked, someone told a joke that actually made me laugh, I saw something in nature that held my interest long enough to forget for a moment. Over time, those songs, the laughter, the natural miracles, created a cushion thick enough that the old hurts could not get through. It will happen for you.
I agree with Naive, the good days, or the good moments, will come, someday will overall get more frequent. We all expect and want to "get over it"--whatever "it" is, physical or mental--but if you try to rush it and force yourself to feel better you don't heal as completely.