I’ve been on here for a week or so. Our stories are similar. Only my daughter didn’t tell
Me until she turned 20. And she refused to press charges. It’s very hard words can’t express the feeling it leaves in you. Just know you aren’t alone and I’ve read a lot on this site. There is some good advice. Being able to talk about this is a help and knowing you’re not alone helps but it’s also
Sad that it happens. I’m seeking out a therapist. I believe It will help. I will Let you know. I dont Know about healing from this but maybe there is. Way to
Cope with it. I see The damage it has done to my daughter and I want Her to get help. I feel like that would help me. She can’t even hug me. She did she just can’t be touched by someone who knows. It’s so hard. She is distant and she is so guarded. She won’t let anyone get close to her emotionally. She moved 500 miles away and I dont Get to see her much. We talk daily. Someone told me if I would Seek therapy perhaps it would entice her to do the same. You will be in my prayers. I feel your pain. You’re not alone.

Kome, you did good in finding this site and in reaching out. It's so hard that first time. You are in a place where there are others who understand.

Healing is possible but it's a process. And it's not a steady climb to better--so many times I felt like any little progress I made or our family made would be followed by slipping back again. There are so many things to grieve and to process and to face, and just to go through--like your grand jury testimony. Don't feel bad if you cry. You are her mom, not the judge. Do you have anyone to be there with you and support you before and after? Let us know how you are doing when it's done.

mosac.net is a really good source of info. Also there is 24/7 support,as often as you need it, at the national sexual assault crisis center, rainn.org or 800-656-4673

I've been coming to this forum for -- holy moley, it's been almost eight (?) years now, since a day after my adult daughter disclosed (15 years after the fact) that she had been a victim of systematic rape by an adult neighbor for about a year and a half, just after she turned eight years old. I understand the relief you feel: we had also moved away from her abuser years before. But physical distance did not provide a release from his threats of mortal harm. Six months before disclosing the sexual abuse, my daughter told that she was addicted to painkillers, something her therapist pushed her to disclose to me. And yet, she had told no one, not any of the many therapists she had seen up until then, of that early sexual trauma. It took another six months for her to open up to me, as best as she could under the influence. THAT disclosure had the same effect on me as it did on you -- a completed reversal of up and down, with everything I had previously believed and loved about my life dumped out in a scattering mess, like so much useless trash. And at the same time, it explained EVERYTHING -- about, for example, why her personality seemed to change almost overnight following the date of the first rape.

At first, coming here helped me to tell my story, and to receive guidance from those who had already walked -- or clawed their way along -- this path. Soon after that, I discovered that what helped most was helping others with my own experience, and with the information I had found (as brknhrt advised, mosac.net is a VERY deep resource -- please visit!). Please keep coming, please keep writing. You need to be heard and believed. You need a place to express what you may feel you can't even tell your best friends. We all get it. And your story WILL help others.

I completely agree that you should seek therapy, for the very reason that wise person suggested: you will be a role model for self-care. If she alone goes, she is likely to think there is something "wrong" with her, while everyone else can somehow manage without any help. If you go, it will show her that the SITUATION of sexual abuse is wrong and traumatic. And you'll have the added benefit of expressing yourself to someone in person who is trained to listen to and guide people in crisis.

KOME,
I see you had to testify... I hope you both got thru your day OK, don't fear letting others see your tears, they need to see what this monster has done to you both, to your daughter. I only wish my daughter who is 15yrs would of agreed to make a statement....to get justice. I'm disgusted & shocked to hear there's so much of these crimes being committed... Yeah they must be wired up all wrong ... Itl be one less once he's charged, locked away & put on a sex offenders register. Words fail me.

Thank you all for your replies. It really helps to know I'm not alone. My hope for everyone on this chat is that your children change their minds and file reports to get these petifiles off the streets. You know they are not stopping their ways and others are suffering. Praying that your children have the strength to speak up. My daughter and I got through testifying but the process is not over as we still have a trial to get through which is going to be a long process. After the Grand Jury the monsters charges were doubled to 6 Class A felonies. He was indicted and is now awaiting trial. He has a bail of 25,000 cash which I dont think his family or he has. This is great as he needs to stay in jail. What he did to my daughter was beyond wrong and he needs to pay in the worst way possible. I dont know what the worst way would be but I would love to just hurt him physically. I would never act on my feelings but man I have day dreams about how to do it. Therapy says it is normal since I would never really do anything. Still want to though! I'm hoping that one day soon we can move forward but I feel that it is going to be back and forth until the trial is over. Doesn't help that we are most likely going to have to travel out of state to testify in the trial. That really sucks as we keep having to relive this horrible situation. Very hard to heal when it keeps coming up. Also makes me mad that my daughter has to testify. The detectives told us it was very unlikely that she would have to testify as she did the forensic interview and is a minor. They were obviously wrong. Either way we are seeing justice happen and we are both going to try to have many more good days to come. Thanks for this support group. It feels good to write down what is going on.

If it makes you feel any better, there are actually multiple Psalms in the Bible that are revenge fantasies. I'll see if I can find which ones they are and post that. Lots of people here have experienced the same.

The legal system is definitely not set up with your mental health or healing in mind. It takes so long, there's so much uncertainty, and yes if it goes to trial your daughter will have to testify again. I wish I could change that part of the system, all it does is add another trauma for these kids! Hopefully he will do a plea deal and that will avoid the need for a trial. With 6 Class A's they should be able to get a pretty long prison sentence even if they drop a few. That said, I know what Class A means he did (in our state), and I'm so sorry to hear he did that to your daughter.