Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
THIS is what my daughter heard during her therapy session this morning from HER therapist. She had asked me to print out pictures for her to bring to therapy. We had gone through all the pictures. She had picked out the ones she wanted to bring. Some of them were of locations where abuse happened. Some of them were of monster boy's family. Some of them were of our familys enjoying life. Today, she focused on telling THE secret that started this whole thing: monster boy's sister having sex and a shower with another little boy. This was the secret that her friend told her over and over until her brother started abusing my daughter. My daughter also shared about 2 separate incidents that occured in 2 different bathrooms at the local church. All these situations were stories she needed to tell someone safe. She's been wanting to get it out of her head for so long. And the response to this show-and-tell from her therapist?!
"You don't have to bring things like that to therapy anymore. This is supposed to be a place to just have fun!"
My precious daughter who's spent numerous hours collecting the courage to talk out these situations with her therapist walked away from therapy feeling defeated. We asked her if she liked that response? "No. I want to be able to bring pictures if I feel like it." Do you want to just focus on having fun when you go to therapy? "No. That's not why I'm going." EXACTLY. And to top it all off? Her therapist is leaving for a 3 week period, one week is mandatory training and the other two are vacation, all in a row. My little girl has one more session with this woman and then an absence of 3 weeks! And after emotionally dealing with THAT kind of unsupportive session!
We are going to use that 3 week break to visit the other trauma therapist who specializes in the worst abuse cases AND EMDR. It stinks because it means the free therapy just isn't working for our situation...and this other therapist will be another cost, out of pocket money because victims of crime only covers some of her fee, but it's worth it if it will help my little girl heal! Has anyone ever heard of a therapist who reacts like this to a child who's TRYING to disclose abuse that's taken place?! I'm livid right now and SO glad this lady will be gone for 3 weeks so we can un-suspiciously try someone else! ;)
One positive is that we applauded her for sharing her opinion and making the decision that this woman isn't right for her! That is a big step in the direction of standing up for herself in real life! For THAT we are very proud of her. :o)
I'm so sorry your daughter had this person react this way, especially when this person is supposed to be her support. I'm hoping you find the right person to help her going forward.
1) Current therapist on the books (the one who discouraged her from disclosing)...we dropped her completely, I reported to her supervisor about the concern I had in that she had stopped my daughter from disclosing mid-sentence, had made her feel that she doesn't believe her story and had caused her to not like therapy anymore. Said supervisor will "talk" to her about complaints. Our daughter did decide she might want to go say goodbye in person rather than a note. We'll have to wait until October than because now she's on vacation the rest of September.
2) Contestant therapist 1 is an awesome therapist who worked with child soldiers and rape victims in Liberia, is very open about her own childhood abuse if/when the child needs to hear that type of thing, has EMDR certification, an awesome play room with everything you could think of, spends an entire hour with client, normally costs $200 per session but is willing to charge us $150 ($80 of which would be reimbursed by victims of crime after we submit receipts) and has an opening on the desired day of the week. We like her a lot and her take on therapy. She is 45 minutes away and her location makes it difficult to take care of the other kids during therapy due to a street right nearby, many businesses and an acupuncture office right across the way that requests quiet (we go as a family.)
2) Contestant therapist 2 is an awesome therapist who has worked with child rape victims including some who've been threatened with knives, she's a mom, has EMDR certification, a grass area that she sometimes takes her patients out to for a session to play, spends 45 minutes with client, takes victims of crime and does the submitting herself (so technically FREE for us!), and has an opening on the desired day of the week. We like her a lot and her take on therapy. She is 15 minutes away and her location has a beautiful courtyard with a fountain and lots of plants + the grass area so it makes watching the other kids during therapy easy (we go as a family.) The whole office is a huge building fashioned after the Hispanic style of tile roofs and huge wooden doors and I felt actually more relaxed when her session was over which was a pleasant surprise!
The problem is, while my daughter says that both of the therapists responded to her bringing the pictures the way she wanted them to, and she likes them both well enough, she's leaning more towards #1. Why is this a problem? Because we don't have $600 a month to spend on therapy...we just got a foreclosure letter for our home so now that's become our financial focus, which we're trying to fix! I know we'd get $300 of it back through VOC but I submitted receipts for my sessions at least a month and a half ago and still haven't gotten reimbursed for that $300 and I've been told it could take up to 6 months to get the refund! UGH. So, how do we do this? We're brain-storming and hoping that when we discuss this decision with her this weekend, she will be open to going with the cheaper therapist. I'll let you know! :o)
If bankers and the IRS knew the half of what we faced trying to save our children's sanity, and our own, they would be merciful.