Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
I know we all do what we need to so our children get through this.But we never talk about what this does ti relationships.My husband and I have been really at odds and I know it is all the stress,our daughter is having horrible attitudes.I know some is probably normal tween stuff,the attitude,doesnt want to be around us because we embarass her,trying to test me with clothing choices,makeup ect.He is stressed and because it is his daughter he is heart broken,he does not handle things well,he is a fixer of stuff(that is actually funny because he is a mechanic).He cant stand that she is a mess,he cant stand that her abuser is not in prison(if he had his way he would be in for life).He is working alot and I think because he is so hurt he cant bear to see her like this.Thank God he does not drink because he would be drowning himself right now.We are both stressed and it pisses me off when he acts like things are normal,he is in denial I think.He asked me today if I wanted to go to Walmart and again I had to tell him our daughter can not be left alone,even for 30 minutes,he should know that.I have been thinking lately about moving back to my home state,I have tons of relatives there,18 aunts and uncles,who each had at least 3or 4 kids who had kids.Last big party was about 100 relatives.Here she has no cousins,my husbads familly is messed up,and there are not really any kids,except the abuser and his brother.Not to brag but I have a wonderful family,I had a great childhood,lived on a horse farm,4siblings,my mom had 9 siblings and as I said lots of cousins,we had get togethers at our place for holidays,we went to my grandmas for Sunday dinners.I want that for her,I need to know that she has family around if my husband and I are not.I have some really great cousins that are very nurturing and some wonderful aunts and uncles.I miss them dearly. Some I have not seen in awhile.But we stay in touch.Anyway I was wondering if anyone is feeling at odds with their spouse?Maybe I blame him a little for not knowing his family is messed up?Well actually he does kniw because he says it all the time,maybe I feel like it was his fauld for letting them play in a roim by themselves,he trusts everyone,I mean he really does to the point where he has lent people things and never got it back.I sometimes want to just tell him to cut them all out of our lives or I am leaving.I get so mad sometimes at him.
My ex (also the biological father of my oldest 2 children) sexually abused our son when he was 2 to 3 years old. My son was 3.5 years old when I left him. I later found that he was abusing our son after we split. Thank god our daughter was barely a year old and was not yet abused. Later I remarried and had another daughter with him. When my son was 11 he then sexually abused my youngest daughter whom was 4. This was harder than finding out my son was abused by his father because now I had to choose between my children and had to also deal with my husbands reaction and sometimes cruel words on the matter considering my son was only his step child. Did this create a huge gap in our relationship? You bet your dollar it sure did. In fact we have had several fights because of it. But, through the last 5 years I have learned what has worked best for us. And we are better parents and are happy together because of it. If I could pin point what exactly it was that got us through it all it would be that we listened to each other and because we put our children into their category of safety while we put forth the effort to do things for each other. Did we seek counseling? I saw a counselor but my husband did not. My husband does not like to talk about it or what happened or anything, he wants to go on like nothing happened .... like my son doesn't exist. Which is easy for him to do since my son is now 16 and lives in a group home getting the help that he needs (so he hopefully won't be a predator his entire life).....for me I have learned that I forgive him for not being able to talk about it....I seek my counseling else where and when a subject that he has to know about (such as safety of our girls or what is happening with my son) then I talk to him but I don't go over all my emotions of it because it won't help....he will simply shut down because he can't deal with it. Now how is this a good relationship you ask.....because we are still best friends and share our lives together as parents and are able to be together as lovers too. I am thankful my husband has stood by me and reminded me that this wasn't my fault and he does understand that my son was abused too. yet, I am unable to express all of my burdens of emotion on him because he is simply unable to respond in a way that I would want him to. Therefore I choose to do that with my mom or my sister. Is it the best way? I don't know. I just know that that is what works best for us.