you had a great answer for your son! you listen to how he felt, and agreed with him that the grandma's actions are wrong. we are kinda in the same boat, not sure if the grandparents are in total belief of our daughter and what's she said our nephew did to her. we are contemplating taking a time out from the grandparents, and my husband and i have discussed many times how if the grandparents don't believe what happened, then they can not support our daughter in her healing process, and would not be safe people for her to be in contact with.
maybe you should speak with your son about weather or not he wants someone in his life that actions have hurt him and left him feeling let down.
hugs to your and your son for being able to be open about feelings, blessing to your continued healing as a family.

I've also had this same kind of conversation with the kids about their grandmother (mother of the abuser). There is no good answer. Since my kids are older now, we have talked more about her being in denial. There is a weird balance between all of us understanding that it was her only son and actually only living relative and how it has to be for her, too and frustration that she just doesn't seem to get it. While the kids were younger, we actually had to do supervised visits with her and only now have I started letting them go out to eat and stuff with her because they are old enough now to assert more of their own boundaries with her and so if she does talk about something they are able to communicate it to me more effectively and also to tell her themselves what their thoughts and feelings are. It is still tricky. She will occasionally allude to me being a liar or to how hard it is for their father to be in prison. Now that they are older teens, they do a lot of eye rolling over here behavior, but at least are old enough to tell her that they know I'm not a liar and that well, it's hard on us living outside of prison....at least he is assured food, shelter and medical care! There are many times we struggle just to make those things happen!!

I have just let the kids take the lead on how much they want to communicate or spend time with her and over the years it has just gotten less and less as they have gotten old enough to see that her unhealthy denial is not worth any benefits of the continued relationship with her.

When I disclosed the situation to my mother about my daughter being molested by 2 of the nephews, which are her grandsons-she was shocked and gave 5 minutes of sympathy. after that , over two years, she has sided with the so called "innocent" grandsons and does not want to hear my "side" because I have exaggerated it! The nephews molested my daughter for 12 years and exposed themselves to my son and daughter many times. The nephews were also mean and controlling to my kids, but there is my mom-having the nephews over to help her on Saturdays-right next door to us-and when I call her or she calls me she talks about how great they are...I have had to endure this even after telling her what they did to my daughter!! She now tells me she does not want to hear it! after 2 years, I am still trying to figure out how to handle this-the counselors just say "yes this is a common thing-families break apart"...and leave me without the resources to handle this family dynamic. so i don't do anything-I do not hang around any of them because it is not safe for my daughter-that is the bottom line. I keep conversation with my mom very brief and simple. The fact is that our child has been hurt and scarred and family doesn't seem to care and understand-they just think it is something you can get over and move on...and everything should continue as before-but it can't and I wish they could accept it and be considerate of our feelings and what we are going thru and all we have to do so our child can be helped.

My step-son abused my children for the past 5 years. We just found out 3 days ago only because he abused my friends kids and they told (Thank God). He was accused 3 months ago with these other kids so we had him removed from the home and sent to live with his mother. All these months, except the past 3 days, I have been feeling sorry for him, wondering what happened in his 14 yrs of life that he did these actions, then find out he was doing it to his own brothers as well?!?!? It is such a emotional roller coaster, these feelings of hate, then guilt for hating a kid, moments of questioning your humanity for feeling hate, wanting to kill him, wanting him to get the same treatment. I even went so far as having a friend in his mother's community to spread the word about what he has done. Big change from caring for him and wanting him to have a second chance. I loved that boy and raised him as my own for 8 yrs, now I get sick of the thought of him ever being around my kids and I again. I made it clear to his father that he will NEVER be allowed near our kids again and that future visits will never happen. His dad not talking to me about it, the only way I know he is mad was by reading a text he sent his mother. I feel guilty slamming his son's name but at the same time find it really difficult to refrain. My oldest is going to talk to me tomorrow, he told me he wasn't ready to talk and will on friday (he is 6). I am trying to get a game face on and be ready for what he is going to tell me. Advice is crucial for me right now because I am terrified I will say the wrong thing or react wrong and cause more hurt for him. I am so lost right now but mostly just enraged and want revenge.

Just make sure he knows it's not his fault and he didn't do anything wrong. No telling what your step son put in his head.
Your step son was probably abused by someone to do this to so many children. He needs help badly or he will continue to abuse.
Have you filed charges? They will force him to get treatment.
You will not say the wrong thing. There is no handbook for this horrible stuff. Just listen and give him lots of love.
Praying for you. Keep coming here for venting and advise...very supportive group.

Peace-I would definitely listen and ask him if he's ok. You will hear things that make you want to scream and cry and your son might talk about it like he's talking about the weather. Children (thankfully) don't see the scope of the abuse at this age. I read all these books after my child told us and most of them said things like, "don't act shocked." Like anyone reads a book on how to handle that before they hear the words come out of someone's mouth! I am so sorry this happened to you. Tell your son he is brave and strong and you are proud of him. One thing I tell my children is that we have no secrets and they can tell me anything. After the abuse came out, my child did some strange things and even something that does raise sexuality fears but I have told my child that a) I love them and b) we don't do this because...one thing the counselor has told me to keep in mind is correcting with love. The children are not the perps but they need to be re-taught their sexual boundries. Sorry this was def a tangent but it feels good to get it out.