Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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jennifermom 05/09/2011

I am trying to decide if I should get a copy of the interviews with my 3 kiddos from the police department. My 8 year old daughter disclosed to me last November that her stepbrother had been touching her. It turns out it had been going on for about 2 - 2 1/2 years. Since she was 5/6 years old. He was picked up the same day and hasn't been home since. He was held at a juvenile detention center for a month or so and since was sentenced to a residential treatment facility. He is doing alright. Some days he works hard on getting better, some days he is all attitude and power struggles with the staff.

Anyway, I know we all have opinions about this subject. I don't want to start any conflicts, I just thought it might help me decide what to do if I could hear from you guys on your experiences with this and how you dealt with it. I am pretty sure I am going to read/view these interviews at some point. I am just that kind of mom, I have a need to know the details about everything.

So what do you think? I already know it will be horribly painful, but is there any other reason not to? Will it be counter-productive?

Thanks for all the support you all give me, I am not sure where I'd be now if I hadn't found this site.

Jen

deleted_user 05/09/2011

I don't know what to say. I wish I had the option, but the details of the police investigations are not public record here. Part of me wants to know the awful details so that I can fully understand what my child went through. While the rest of me is almost relieved that I can't because I don't know that I'm ready to know all of it. I know my daughter isn't ready for me to know all of it. No matter what decision you make, it's going to be a difficult one. (((HUGS)))

deleted_user 05/09/2011

I did. I got a copy of the actual interview. I was advised by my support system (my bfd who was also a victim as a child) NOT to watch it. But I did it anyway. Im glad that I di though. Yes it was disturbing and there were a few details that I did not know.......but my feeling was just rip it off like a band aide. So I did. After viewing it.......there's absolutley no doubt in my mind that something happened!!!! It made me be even more proud of my daughter to come forth!!! Not sure if I'll ever watch it again but im glad I have it!

mommaKL 05/09/2011

I wanted to know details. What was said to make my daughter keep a secret for so long, what did he make her do etc... I didn't get but a fraction of them. I think it is human nature to want to know what happened to our children at the hands of these sick monsters. Prayers that you figure out what is best for you to heal.

deleted_user 05/09/2011

I didn't get to see my daughters taped statement, but I have read all the transcripts. The first time I read through it I balled my eyes out as I didn't know any of the details. I have waited for my daughter to be ready to speak. After the first read the second became a little easier and I was able to begin to see what was actually happening and it is helping me to slowly move forward.

jennifermom 05/09/2011

Thanks you guys, I think I have to do this in order to move forward. Also, with my son being the abuser, I feel I need to know all the details so that in Therapy I know if he is being honest. He swore to me when this first happened that he never put himself in her, but the therapist who interviewed her said that she said he did "kind-of" so when we pinned him down on this - his "reasoning" in saying he never did that was because he TRIED and FAILED due to the size differences!!!!!! So in his sick mind, he felt honest in saying he never did it, when in reality he basically did but wasn't able to fully do it. AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

This is one of the reasons I feel I must. It will probably take time to get my hands on the tape or the transcript so I guess I have time to get mentally prepared. Maybe I will pursue getting a therapist for myself before I do this. I wasn't going to get one, but I am feeling like I have to have someone to run things by and some one to talk to about this stuff. I just don't know how to find one and how to find one that will be a good fit.

You guys are awesome. Thanks for your feedback, it helps a lot!

deleted_user 05/09/2011

Hugs jennifermom! Sounds to me like having a therapist on hand might be a good idea if you're going to head into that territory.

Like brokensun, the transcripts/video record of the interview are considered evidence at this point that we're not privy to. I think they do that for several reasons, not the least of which is that they don't want to 'taint' our testimonies with information that wasn't first hand.

In our case the details DD gave us (which were most all of them) were harrowing enough. Ugh. Good thoughts and prayers headed to you for this!!

Bandmom5 05/09/2011

Jen, check to see if you are eligible for counseling as a secondary victim thru victims of crime compensation fund. It varies from state to state, but the counselors who participate with that are usually fairly good. I think if you really feel it's going to help you with your sessions with your son, hearing all the details may be what you really need and will help keep him accountable for what he's done. My heart breaks for ya! You're doing a great job with all you have to handle. Big (((hugs))) to you.

jennifermom 05/10/2011

Thank you. I love that I can come here, I hate that we need this place. But I wouldn't have made it this far if I hadn't found this group. Love ya one and all!

raniagale 05/10/2011

I initially did not read the transcript, but I did later when I felt stronger and had a therapist. It was hard to read and I am glad I turned down the DVD. I think that would have done me in and still might. I think the most devastating thing for me was the frequency that it happened. I was astounded, confused and guilty over that. It was also hard to read she didn't say anything because she was afraid he would hurt me or her brother. It did make it so much more real to read (as if it wasn't too real to hear from the investigator) and it did help me understand and move forward with a better understanding.

deleted_user 05/10/2011

Well the only way i even know the story is from what my daughter reported to the police and now she's feeling comfortable to tell the story to her therapist. She doesn't feel comfortable talking to me, it hurts but i'm glad she's talking to someone. It's hard but as a parent you want to know what your child went through.

jennifermom 05/10/2011

Thanks raniagale, I know it will be a shock, in his polygraph he admitted to over 300 times. Of course I have to do the math and figure out that if it was going on for 2 years that makes it like 3 times a week. HOW HOW HOW did I not know?!?!?!?! Ok, we all know that is an unanswerable question. Anyway, thanks for your info, I am feeling like it will help. I will wait until I find a therapist, though. Thanks again all of you for your advice.

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