It has now been over 6 years since disclosure.  My 4 year old at the time was molested by my boyfriend, disclosure was to my ex because she was told that if she told me that I would go to jail so she told my abusive ex(her bio dad)....the one that I left after verbal abuse became physical in front of the kids. I never saw any signs that anything was out of sorts in either my kids or boyfriend.  In fact my boyfriend did everything to not show much attention to either of my kids because "that is my time with my kids". From the beginning I was blamed because "I should have known that this was going on and I did nothing." thanks to them believing my charming narcissist ex's stories about me. It started with the first detective who told me "the children's father is being the good parent here." then child services, and the guardian ad litem. The tactics that these people did to blame me and shame me, even to my older daughter was a travesty of justice.  The only people who treated me kindly was the state attorney and the victims advocate.  They are the ones who told me that this happens all the time, that the parents of the child rarely know and over and over again "It's not your fault". Even though the guilt is gut wrenching. The state (child services) spent so much time trying to prove I was a bad mom that they ignored how much my little one needed me. That ripping not only me, but my whole family away from her was traumatizing as well. Not one of any of them interviewed my family or even seen me with my little one.  The lady who handled my supervised visitation used to cry at then end of each visit when we were saying goodby and used to tell me "This is so wrong". My therapist, on her own time,  wrote letters, showed up at meetings and hearings about how much harm this was doing to the child on top of what she already went through.  In the end I was told "just in case the allegations were true" (that I knew what was going on and did nothing) the ex gets majority custody and stipulations included in parenting aggreement. I did not fight any more because I did not want to put kids through any more.  I would have signed anything to get my babies back. It was almost 18 months before my then 5 year old could actually come to my house and another 3 months before she could stay the night with me.   

Now fast foward 6 years later my kid, now10, is still so hurt over being taken away from me and my family.  She has told me that I could not have known because she didn't tell me and that he treatened her that I would go to jail if she told me. She really  has done so good up until end of summer last year. We have made the best of it and the most of our time together. She is still good in most ways but she clings to me like she is never going to see me again.  When it first started happening about a year ago, I asked what was wrong.  She said her dad was going to be moving far away and she was afraid that she would never see me again.   Nothing ever came of it but now he told me he wants to move 1200 miles away and is going to take me to court. She is now clinging to me again like crazy and feeling for me when she sleeps.  I saw an attorney and we are awaiting my ex's move but the stress of possibly going back to court has me crying every day and feeling helpless like I did back then. If it does go back to court it will be the same judge and same other people. I am just a wreck because she is scared to death that she will hardly ever see me and I can't reassure her because I have lost all faith in the the justice system.  I can't sleep, I can't think and it's almost like reliving it all over again. I am hoping here that I can just have a place to vent. It is so lonely out here.  As a mom who doesn't have majority or evenly shared custody I am already looked down upon even though no one knows the whole story.  They just assume that I must be a bad mom. I am concerned for her because as strong as she is, I don't think she could take it if she was taken away from me, her sister and my whole family again.