First of all, many hugs to you. Second, what's normal? Certainly not discovering that your child has been sexually abused by someone you trusted. So forget about normal.

I'm just past five years since disclosure. Some days I still feel like sobbing, thinking about how my daughter was robbed of her childhood, remembering what a happy, love-radiating child she had been before she began to disappear.

I imagine that working with victims has the potential to trigger you every day (and then your ex-FIL shows up and....well, I know I would fall apart). While you are specially suited to your work because of what your daughter experienced, it's something I can't imagine undertaking without serious therapeutic support. Do you have a therapist, maybe someone you can talk with once a month, if not weekly, just to check in?

I agree with you it has been 30 years I cannot believe that and every time I think of what my ex did to my son I wish he were dead or in jail. Nothing happened. Wrong I lost my son over it. He turned 25 and decided that some how I should have saved him . I wasn't even home when it happened I was having cancer surgery. He wasn't supposed to be with my ex ever. My mother took him there to see his puppy. Yeah right like I believe that story. Plus she refused to take him to a doctor or explain and disclose how my son was hurt. so I am the bad one and up until my mothers death it haunted me. She wouldn't even admit her wrong in it. so I think your amazing that you can put up with him that close. I think it will always be with you. I know it has me .good luck hugs for being so strong casey

This is my first time writing anything in here.

I have no idea what is "normal" but my husband abused our daughter 9 years ago, and we are still dealing with the aftermath, and it has pretty much destroyed me. I'm great at keeping up appearances and seeming fine on the outside, but on the inside I'm a mess of guilt and sadness and horror. I hope that some day it gets less painful.

Ah thanks for all your kind words. I think any mother who has to deal with this trauma and manages to function is ultra amazing. I work with domestic abuse victims so disclosures sometimes can't be foreseen. I had counselling a couple of years ago. It helped. Just every now and again I go on such a negative thinking spiral. I won't take responsibility but wish I had made choices to end my relationship. We were together 21 years and I'd have sworn he was the best dad in the whole world. I never even knew him x

My daughter is ok. She's had counselling and we got justice. I just get so sad and the pain physically hurts sometimes. I just felt that maybe people here would understand..I can see you do x

I agree with all the above posts. We now have a new “normal”.
Please take care of yourself! We can only make the best decisions we can with the information we have at the time. Looking back at the would’ves, could’ves, should’ves will only lead to true despair.
We really are in the minority of parents who believe our children and support them.
We are warriors for our hero children!

How great you get to help others dealing with nightmares of their own. I'm sure your story helps them know that there is something on the other side.

Be kind to yourself the effects of hell are hard to shed but little by little you will. I go to a weekly recovery group and it helps me remember to stay on track to being well. That's all just to be well. I also read a daily devo called the language of letting go. It has good things to sit with. Big hugs. Thank you for walking your daughter thru justice... Something my mom refuses to do for me or my daughter.

Thank you so much. You feel so alone. Am sorry your mother won't help. No idea what a devo is but I'm going to Google. I think even words like all of those above help so much. People feel the same as me who've been through this and that feels comforting x

Devotional, I think. :)