Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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Hangingon
Hangingon

Just venting tonight.


My heart is broken. My ex-mother in law (the perp's mom) passed away suddenly. He couldn't even leave the house he's living at to go say goodbye because he's on house arrest apparently. How can I hate him - and feel bad for him that he couldn't at least say goodbye. Mainly I'm down because she passed away. I got attached to that family. 2 1/2 years of my life and then knew them when I was in high school and dated the same guy before. I love the family. I find it interesting that I can still love a family that way and even have sympathy for the perp. but at the same time hate him.


Anyone else just feel confused by their feelings like this? (Just fyi: I am seeing a counselor.)


Thanks for listening.

Eeyore
Eeyore
Hi there first of all so sorry for your loss you too have lost someone you were very close to and will grieve.
Yes I understand your mixed feelings the perp in my case is my husband to my grown up daughter he abused her in her teens and she recently told me. So I totally understand.
Xx
hopefulmama
hopefulmama
You feel bad because you are human! I miss my mother in law terribly,we got together for coffee,went to breakfast,had cookouts,but that person disappeared when things got tough.i think what we feel bad for are the people we thought them to be,not who they have proven to be.This might be one of the things God has given to him as punishment,nit his mother's death but that he is in the situation that he couldn't see her,you reap what you sow.But you should feel compassion,it shows you are a good person,people show compassion for people in prison,are we not taught to love our enemies and show compassion for them?You are normal,caring.I also miss my sister in law,the perps mom.Everyday I fight to not call her.i want to tell myself "he was young and curious he's older now,it was just normal kid stuff",. But no I will not downplay it,as much as my heart aches for her her husband hung himself a few years ago and it is just her and her boys.take care and be good to yourself,greive and find the strength to move on.
HelpHealMom
HelpHealMom
I understand how you feel. My brother abused my daughter when she was 4, she is 48 now and only disclosed the abuse about 5 yrs ago. My brother passed away in 1991. We were very close and even tho I hate what he did, I still find myself returning back to the wonderful memories we had. My therapist said to not feel guilty that love is something that you can't just forget about. I fought hard with that. I stay close with his family but I never ever will tell them about what he did. It wasn't their fault and why destroy their memory of their father and husband. I think what we all go thru is so tramatic and we each deal with it the best we can. It is ok to love his family. I have often said that if my brother were still alive when this was disclosed I really don't know what we would have done. I think my husband would have killed him and what a tragedy that would have been for all of us. These are just my thoughts and I pray noone will judge me for them. Hugs to you!
Hangingon
Hangingon
Thank you all! I really appreciate what all 3 of you have said. :)