Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Hello,
My name is Kristen, I am a 38 year old mother of 3. My husband was killed just over 2 years ago in a car accident with a drunk driver. I have a 21 year old son from a previous relationship, who has a baby girl of his own. I also have two little girls, who are 5 and 7. I am very new to this whole thing and was given information about this group as resource.
It's my youngest daughter who was sexually abused. I can't begin to tell you the guilt I feel. I took my husband's death very hard, we'd been together for 16 years, married for 7. I have struggled with addiction in the past and slipped up and had gone back to drinking for a period of time after he was killed. I feel like if I had been paying more attention this wouldn't have happened. I work as a special needs teacher. Our local school's kindergarten is only a half day so my daughter went to a local older woman's house who had a day care program. It was her adult son who molested and raped my daughter. We live in a fairly small mountain community so I'm mad at myself for not seeing the risk.
Beyond my own guilt, my daughter has been struggling. The doctors and therapists we've seen have said while she doesn't quite understand what happened to her she knows she was hurt. She was always a very shy, quiet little girl. But she's gotten so much more introverted since. Her older sister, my 7 year old, has been Deaf since birth, so we've always used sign language at home. But my youngest daughter stopped speaking for months. She won't go near adult men, including my son (when he's in town he lives across the country), my husband's best friend who has lived with us (he was in the accident with my husband and while survived was paralyzed), etc. She's always loved her ballet and other dance classes, but never wants to go. Same with school, she always starts complaining her tummy doesn't feel good, and while I wish I could I can't stay home with her all the time, I need to work since my husband died. But I don't trust leaving her or my other daugher with anyone else. Unfortunately our town doesn't have a specialized child therapist who works with victims of sexual assault.
I just... don't know. Sorry for such a heavy introduction. Thank you.
Kristen
As I read your story, I couldn’t help but reflect onto myself. I too blame myself for not seeing signs... for not being there during the times of abuse. Realistically, I think we know we aren’t to blame, but as moms, we take responsibility for our children. I am also a teacher and feel like I’ve been trained to “look for signs.”
I like you, didn’t see any signs. A family member strategically manipulated me, my husband, and my daughter.
Don’t blame yourself. One step at a time, one breath at a time, your daughter will heal. So will you.