I am so sorry you and your child are going through this. Have you called DHS to file a report? Or your local police? When my daughter came forward about her Grandpa I went right to local police where they made a report and contacted DHS for me. From there DHS did their own investigation and the police made the appointment with a forensic interviewer. Long story short we are awaiting trial beginning of May.
Also, I would suggest making an appointment for her to see a counselor. My daughter's counselor has not only helped her, but also helped me to help her..

one more thing - yes your stepson needs help however, you have to protect your daughter. You are her voice and DHS (and police etc) would agree that she shouldn't be around your stepson.

Yes, here it is called DCS, but they haven't done anything so far. Waiting for the forensic interview to be scheduled. I also called police dept, but they said it takes time for DCS to contact them. I've been pretty disgusted with the responses I have gotten from DCS and the police so far. My step son has siblings at his mother's house where he lives. He has way more access to them than he ever has to my children. DCS said that they most likely will not pursue anything with his other siblings unless they disclose something first.

You are at the beginning of the reality that exists around this issue. There is rarely justice, it's an uphill battle, often police and others involved are not helpful at worst cause more trauma to everyone involved, there is little REAL public support even with non profits they can leave you hanging for weeks not following up, in my area there are no support groups for parents dealing with this, nobody holds your hand and helps you along, this is the only place I've found support from other parents and advice that has been helpful. Most people are so ignorant about the issue, don't stand up or give a voice for the victim or family but many family members turn on those they should help and protect and minimize consequences to the perpetrator.

I'm sorry that you now join in our ranks but you will find support and validation here. The best thing anyone told me was to do what's right by your child don't wait for the police and others to step up. They are only looking out for the interest of their case which ideally would lead to consequences consequences for the perp not necessarily what's best for your child. There are many moms here in similar circumstances with step child abusers so hopeful they will chim in with what has helped them. Getting therapy right away is the best first thing to do. Finding a therapist for yourself also is immensely helpful. In the US we have funds you can get through victim compensation that pays for counseling. I had to pay for my own therapy. Play therapy is popular with young children mine was 2 almost 3 and I've been happy with parent child interactive therapy. There is hope for healing for your daughter and moving forward. Books are a really great tool with young kids, I've read a few to my kids one I liked was called healing days and there are others I can't think of now but will post later

Hi, mbadger. I'm short on time, but saw your post, and wanted you to have a look at www.mosac.net, and at the thread ""ALL RESOURCES IN ONE PLACE."

I'm so sorry about what you're going through. This is a horrible situation. We can't imagine that someone could look at our beautiful babies and want to hurt them. This is a good place to gather info, wisdom and support.

Every time someone new joins this group it makes me so sad. I am sorry for what you are going through. We have all been there and know the hell that it is, especially at first. This is a good place for support.

Our stories are similar. My 13 year old step son (SS) sexually abused (raped) my 7/8 year old son. Same as your daughter, my son does not have a real concept of time so we cannot determine for certain when it started, but it was going on for a minimum of 6 months. My husband and I got married in July and my son disclosed the abuse Dec. 14th. Needless to say this has torn our brand new family apart.

Your husband can maintain a relationship with his son but it will have to be without you and your daughter. It will have to be completely separate. This is how my husband and I are working it. My husband is well aware, and agrees, that his son can never live with us ever again. There will never be visitation under the same roof as my son and I. Any and all visitation my husband has with his son will have to be elsewhere. I will spend the rest of my days ensuring there is never any contact between my son and the SS. EVER. There is no biological relation so I am under no obligation to try to reintegrate the SS into our family. It will be ZERO contact for life. Period. My husband understand, agrees and does not argue. I do worry about him changing his perspective on this in the future, however. I am madly, deeply in love with my husband. I couldn't have imagined finding as good a man as I have. He has done everything right by my son - I couldn't ask for more. But I would still choose my son over my marriage if I have to.

We live in the US so I can't compare the systems. But I am surprised at the delays you are having. I called my son's pediatrician the very next day to report it. My husband took his son to his pediatric counselor/therapist to report it. I was referred to a special medical center for children who have been victim's of abuse. His medical and forensics exam was done the 2nd day. I received a call from CPS on the third day. My son was interviewed by CPS and the police detective on the 5th day. The medical center referred us to therapy and therapy began two weeks later. The investigation took place and the SS was officially charged and arrested mid-January. He plead guilty to two 2nd degree felonies on March 17th. Juvenile cases are much shorter to prosecute than adult cases. If the SS hadn't plead guilty the process would have taken much longer. We did receive victim compensation funds for all of my son's therapy.

Get your daughter into therapy ASAP. Call her pediatrician for references.

I'm not sure how old your other children are. You wrote they'll be disappointed if they can see their step brother anymore. Depending on their age, I would encourage you to tell them the truth. You can't have everyone making you out to be the bad guy against your SS. That will never work.

I will never understand the people that rally around the perpetrators. No one has rallied for my SS. Everyone is completely disgusted. He has been left to accept full responsibility for what he did and live with the consequences and ramifications.

I feel what has helped my son the most is 1) the perpetrator has been removed from our home, 2) my son will never see him again, 3) all of the medical professionals, authorities and I have told my son it is not his fault, despite what the SS told him 4) telling my son how brave he is and how proud I am of him for telling. His therapy, for now, is on hold as he is not currently experiencing any trauma. He will go back to therapy on as as needed basis. For now we're trying to provide him as much normalcy as possible. To be honest, the last several months have been harder on me than they have on him. Let your daughter know as often as necessary that it wasn't her fault. That the stepbrother was lying to her. That what he was doing was wrong. That she is brave, strong and amazing. Communicate with her often so that she is more likely to come to you if she's having bad thoughts.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise you that. Reach out anytime.

I agree with everything Heartsadx3 said!! I'm in New Zealand and this was the only support group I. Or fine both in real life and online, but this group has been a fantastic listening ear and full of great advice. And finding a counsellor for both my daughter and myself was the best thing I did to help us heal and move forward. Big hugs from us who really get how hard it is xxx

To clarify, you will need to determine what works best for you, your husband and your children. I didn't mean to imply that you have to or should tell your other children. But at the same time, and this is strictly my opinion, they should know. But this can be complex and ultimately only you can decide.

The zero contact for my son and I with my SS is what will work for me. I just wanted to reiterate to you that it is OK to draw a hard line. You don't need to feel guilted or obligated into maintaining a relationship with him. You will have to do what is best for your daughter and other children.

One day at a time. We are at the back end of the horrible situation also. Ours involves my nephew who lives near us. I am sorry that DCS is not helping as much. When we went for our forensic interview, after the forensic interview they set us up with play therapy at the Child Advocacy Center where the forensic interview was done. My DCS casework has been pretty worthless, but the CAC has been fantastic. The main thing you can do right now is stay calm, try not to let your daughter see you upset, continue to support and believe her (very important), and take care of yourself. My sister also refuses to believe our side (my daughter was 4 and my nephew 14) and is supporting her son (which is what I expected) - but he is being charged and dealt with by law enforcement and the juvenile system. If you have the number to a local child advocacy center (if there is one in your area) they could be a great resource. It is very frustrating to play the waiting game and not having answers or support. I had immersed myself in internet research and books to educate myself. It gets easier everyday, and supporting and believing your daughter is the most important thing you can do. Your daughter may disclose things to you in bits and pieces if she feels comfortable and feels that what she tells you will not upset you - it is their natural instinct to protect you, so if you are shocked or saddened or mad about something she tells you, she will likely not open up. My daughter has actually talked a lot too me, about what happened, and I can try to answer her honestly about why we aren't seeing that part of the family. The other thing (which you have done) is to continue to reassure her that she has done nothing wrong (my daughter started with this feeling months after disclosure) and she is still talking to me about it. The therapist has even said "when she brings something up and I help her, she says 'yeah, I know, my mommy told me'" . I want her to know that this does not have to be a secret, or something she has done wrong - that it was not anything she did her my nephew is the one who did something wrong and is being punished. You will get through this, find someone who you can talk to and can help support you. Unfortunately this is an awful club to be in, but support here will help.

And as far as DCS only being involved until after the forensic interview - hopefully they can make a referral for play therapy - but after that your daughter shouldn't be interviewed again. Encourage her to not be scared and to tell the truth during the interview, because that is the evidence they will use against him in court. Don't think that it won't be addressed, it very well may be addressed. In our case, it is being addressed - so try to have faith that they system will work as it should. She is the victim, and as long as you are protecting her then there should be no reason that DCS would need to continue to be involved (from what I understand they only get more involved if you are not doing what you would need to do to protect her from the situation - like letting her have contact with the perp). They will be involved with your step son because he is the one that will need to be dealt with.

"Please tell" was another good one written by a child survivor it is simple and clear messages about feelings and therapy. Just wonderful.

Thank you everyone for your replies. One thing, I did say he is my step son and her step brother; he is her half brother. Sorry for the confusion but my mind is a little muddled at the moment. I am a social worker myself, although at the time I am a stay at home mom. I've lost faith in the places that I thought would be there to help. To answer another question, my son is 2. My stepson's next regular visit would be next weekend, so I will have to address this with my kids soon because they will want to know why he isn't here. Today is 6 days after we found this out, nothing is still scheduled for the forensic interview.

Don't worry you are not alone. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other eventually things will come together in a positive direction.

I hate that they are delaying your forensic interview so long. I reported on Wednesday, got a call from DCS on Thursday and our forensic interview was Monday - and it felt like an eternity. My daughter questions why we can't go see our family (my sister and her family including the perp) and her therapist, and the family advocate recommended telling her that he was in a "time out", the what he did to her was wrong, and it is Mommy and Daddy's job to protect her, so she can't see him now. The two year old likely won't understand much, but your 5 year old will. I insist on being honest, we fully disclosed to my 12 year old son what was going on (he was actually there when she disclosed to me) because he knew something was going on anyway. I agree to reach out to your pediatrician for referrals, and maybe touch base with DCS and see why it is taking so long, this should certainly be a priority on their part. @heartsadx3 is right, it will all come together, the important thing for you to do now is keep your children's routine as normal as possible and keep their life as stable as possible. Hang in there, it does get easier - but we all know where you are right now. I will be praying you get some news tomorrow to set you on the right track.

i would check and see if there is a sort of Victim's Rights organization in your county. I also experienced distress about how the legal system handled our case, but the victim rights part helped me a lot.

I am sorry that your family is going through this. I think it is important that your daughter is away from her abuser and having help and support from you will be one of the most important pieces of her recovery! I am always here if you need to talk!