Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
There have been a lot of posts lately about the other side of the family, or others that are in denial, angry or just plain scary wrong lately.
After seeing yankee's letter, it gave me a lot of strength to finally confront my ex-MIL with this type of truth. I have been really blunt verbally with her, but I think that was at a time of anger and hurt for us all and it probably wasn't even heard by her. I have done well in setting boundaries with her, but this denial and always having to stay on top of her, supervise visits and all the lengths I go to in order to keep a relationship with the kids' grandmother, it's enough! It's way past time that this be resolved one way or the other.
You know, I think I was actually wanting, hoping, praying that my daughter (or maybe son) would have enough strength of their own one day to do this kind of clarification with her themselves. I will admit my part in deflecting this issue, but also realize that I truly wanted to see this kind of strength grow within the kids.
I have realized as of late that while this was probably well intended, not quite so realistic! And that for my kids to grow that kind of strength, they need someone to model that kind of strength for them.
I have talked to my daughter about my thoughts and feelings regarding this, the letter that was presented here and she is in agreement that it is a good idea for us to write a letter to her grandmother. I am still hopeful that she will contribute some of her own feelings to the letter, but have a much more realistic view of where I need to be as her mom in leading this process.
I wanted to share this and also to say to everyone who struggles following abuse that it is not easy and there are no easy answers, we make mistakes along the way, and really, I think we all reach different points of struggling and healing at who knows when along the process. I am a bit worried that this won't be received so well by grandma so many years after the fact, like opening an old wound, but also know it is a necessary step for us - no matter the consequences. Just a little note of encouragement to you all that we do the best we can, sometimes realize later all the shoulda, coulda, woulda's, but that in the end love and honest, real communication are what is most important!!
After seeing yankee's letter, it gave me a lot of strength to finally confront my ex-MIL with this type of truth. I have been really blunt verbally with her, but I think that was at a time of anger and hurt for us all and it probably wasn't even heard by her. I have done well in setting boundaries with her, but this denial and always having to stay on top of her, supervise visits and all the lengths I go to in order to keep a relationship with the kids' grandmother, it's enough! It's way past time that this be resolved one way or the other.
You know, I think I was actually wanting, hoping, praying that my daughter (or maybe son) would have enough strength of their own one day to do this kind of clarification with her themselves. I will admit my part in deflecting this issue, but also realize that I truly wanted to see this kind of strength grow within the kids.
I have realized as of late that while this was probably well intended, not quite so realistic! And that for my kids to grow that kind of strength, they need someone to model that kind of strength for them.
I have talked to my daughter about my thoughts and feelings regarding this, the letter that was presented here and she is in agreement that it is a good idea for us to write a letter to her grandmother. I am still hopeful that she will contribute some of her own feelings to the letter, but have a much more realistic view of where I need to be as her mom in leading this process.
I wanted to share this and also to say to everyone who struggles following abuse that it is not easy and there are no easy answers, we make mistakes along the way, and really, I think we all reach different points of struggling and healing at who knows when along the process. I am a bit worried that this won't be received so well by grandma so many years after the fact, like opening an old wound, but also know it is a necessary step for us - no matter the consequences. Just a little note of encouragement to you all that we do the best we can, sometimes realize later all the shoulda, coulda, woulda's, but that in the end love and honest, real communication are what is most important!!
Has your daughter ever written her dad a letter about the abuse? My daughter's therapist has her write to my FIL but not mail. I on the other hand wrote them and sent against advise and cc'd his wife. It felt good and I dont' regret it. He has to know how it has hurt our entire family and she needs to hear another side of the story, instead of always his denial, denial denial.
Good luck on your writing.