Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
It's been a very emotional day.
My daughters have been through a trial against their Grandfather. Recently one daughter is wrapping up an incident with my soon to be ex-husband. He pled Guilty and is awaiting
sentencing in September. Meanwhile, the other daughter has come forward with some pretty awful alligations against the soon to be ex. We were told to contact DHS with the new information. They promptly informed me to call the intake line and make a formal report. From there it came directly back to the case worker we had before and she contacted the police.
I was contacted today from the police department insisting she must go in and file a report. I was told we did not have the luxary of having a female detective in the room. I was told from the police officer that it is my duty as the Mom to make her comfortabe enough to go through this. I tried to explain after all she had been through there's not much I can do to make her comfortable and I was more concerned with her mental state. The phone call ended with me completely breaking down in the car (I had to pull over into a parking lot at that point) and my daughters grew quiet in the back seat.
The one who came forward with the new alligations - said to me - Mom, if they need me to tell my story I will. I just will need my stuffed animal. It will be ok.
How is it she is comforting her Mom?
I contacted Crisis Intervention and they got back to me saying they will do their own digging and see if it is really absolutely necessary for her to go to the police station on Monday. Can they make her go though this? Telling her story in front of a male and she doesn't feel comfortable with? She tells me she wants the perpetrator in jail BUT she really wants it all to stop and not go through all this again.
Advice please?
As for her mental state check with her therapist and please make sure you are seeing someone. This would tear me up also. I'm so sorry there are so many scumbags out there and they are such good conartist. There is nothing you could have done and you are doing everything you can now.
I too see such admirable courage in your daughter's willingness to do what she has been asked by the police. Sometimes as moms, we want to protect our children from more harm but what we don't realize is that they let us know in little ways what it is they CAN handle, even amidst the anxiety and depression. Your daughter knows her abilities and she's gently letting you know that she'll be o.k. There is a certain healing that happens when kids get to tell the police what the bad guys have done. In the long run it WILL be good for both her and you! You must hang in there, graciously accept your daughter's lead, strength and encouragmental and follow the protocol.
If you can't do it for yourself and your daughter, do it for the next unsuspecting, little girl who's life could be viciously destroyed if you don't tell. This too shall pass and will not too long from now just be a tiny piece in the journey back to a new normal.
Be strong! You CAN do this! I've been working with my kids to be courageous enough to tell a forenzic interviewer instead of just me and their dad. I'd LOVE to have my children tell me they'll do what they need to! We've been meditating on courage a lot! Courage is an action that can only be done by faith in the face of fear. You've got this!
Of course you all were right. She did absolutely fine. She acted fine when she came out of the room. The police officer brought me back in and told me she did fine and never needed him to leave the room. She answered their questions and didn't hold back. She did seem uncomfortable but she wasn't "forced" to answer or anything. When she came out, she looked fine. Not shaken up or upset but she looked relieved it was done.
She is so much braver than I give her credit for! I am beyond proud of her. Next, the officer is going to contact the perp. and see if he will come in to answer questions but we doubt he will. We will see if the county attorney will take the case or not. I was told not to get my hopes up.
Sentencing for the other daughter is in September and although my girls will be in school and no one needs to be there, I plan to be there.
Thank you