Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
I apologize in advance, I know this blog will kind of jump around and may not make much since but that is just how the day has gone. And just when you think things are kind of normal.
What a day...today I found out that my mother (she's been in denial for 3 years about my brother in law sexually abusing my son) who has done everything in her power to cut everyone in my family out of my life has been hiding the fact that my uncle had a serious stroke a month ago. I found out by a different family member who had assumed my mom passed the information along to me. Gotta luv her - yeah right!
A perfect ending to a perfect day...my son who had disclosed the information three years ago has finally come to the conclusion that his bad mood that appears this time of year is due to the fact that it was this time of year he was abused. He of course is right, I'm just surprised that at the ripe ol age of 11 he understands at great depths how the bodies emotions work. This of course led to a very lengthy discussion about his aunt not believing him and not understanding how she could have turned her back on us. He feels let down by her. Which of course his older brothers felt inclined to join in on. There are many conversations my sister and I had in the beginning that I have not shared with my children, some because I didn't feel they were old enought to grasp and some because I just didn't think they needed to hear. Well I shared one with them tonight (my therapist told me some time ago that I will know when they are old enough and mature enough to hear these things) about a conversation my sister and I had about a birthday card she sent.
This is how it went. In the beginning after the disclosure my sister said she wouldn't have anything to do with us if we couldn't accept her husband (the abuser) in our family. I truly figured my sister would come around and when my children would ask I would tell them,"Just give her some time". After six months of my youngest one crying himself to sleep and getting into to trouble at school, my oldest going from an "A" student to a "D" student, and my middle one being depressed, my youngest finally said "Aunt ____ isn't every going to come around is she mom?" I had to be honest and told him, "No, she probably wont." Well slowly reallty set in with all three of them and they came to terms with not seeing her again. The acting out in school stopped, the grades came up, the depression got better and the crying was farrer and fewer between. And just as things started getting better my sister sent my youngest one a birthday card. I called and asked her if she had had a change of heart and could manage to be part of the boys lives and she said "NO". I told her that by sending the boys cards she was sending them false hopes that she would start coming around again. I told her that unless she intended to part of their lives then please don't send them anything. She then gave me a threat "I can't wait to run into them as adults and tell them that you wouldn't let me send them a card". Well tonight I shared this exact conversation with them, minus the threat. It just seemd like the right time. I then told them that I didn't know if every choice I had made was the right one, but every choice I made was out of a mothers true love for them and having their best interest at heart. My youngest to my surprise said you keep making those choices Mom, you know what't best for us. My oldest even added, "Hey guys don't be surprised one day if we run into Aunt ____ and she tries to get us to believe something else, I'm sure she would try to sound very convincing."
While crappy days are fewer and farther between, this has truly been one. On the up side I can say I have truly remarkable children wise beyond their years. They will prevail.
What a day...today I found out that my mother (she's been in denial for 3 years about my brother in law sexually abusing my son) who has done everything in her power to cut everyone in my family out of my life has been hiding the fact that my uncle had a serious stroke a month ago. I found out by a different family member who had assumed my mom passed the information along to me. Gotta luv her - yeah right!
A perfect ending to a perfect day...my son who had disclosed the information three years ago has finally come to the conclusion that his bad mood that appears this time of year is due to the fact that it was this time of year he was abused. He of course is right, I'm just surprised that at the ripe ol age of 11 he understands at great depths how the bodies emotions work. This of course led to a very lengthy discussion about his aunt not believing him and not understanding how she could have turned her back on us. He feels let down by her. Which of course his older brothers felt inclined to join in on. There are many conversations my sister and I had in the beginning that I have not shared with my children, some because I didn't feel they were old enought to grasp and some because I just didn't think they needed to hear. Well I shared one with them tonight (my therapist told me some time ago that I will know when they are old enough and mature enough to hear these things) about a conversation my sister and I had about a birthday card she sent.
This is how it went. In the beginning after the disclosure my sister said she wouldn't have anything to do with us if we couldn't accept her husband (the abuser) in our family. I truly figured my sister would come around and when my children would ask I would tell them,"Just give her some time". After six months of my youngest one crying himself to sleep and getting into to trouble at school, my oldest going from an "A" student to a "D" student, and my middle one being depressed, my youngest finally said "Aunt ____ isn't every going to come around is she mom?" I had to be honest and told him, "No, she probably wont." Well slowly reallty set in with all three of them and they came to terms with not seeing her again. The acting out in school stopped, the grades came up, the depression got better and the crying was farrer and fewer between. And just as things started getting better my sister sent my youngest one a birthday card. I called and asked her if she had had a change of heart and could manage to be part of the boys lives and she said "NO". I told her that by sending the boys cards she was sending them false hopes that she would start coming around again. I told her that unless she intended to part of their lives then please don't send them anything. She then gave me a threat "I can't wait to run into them as adults and tell them that you wouldn't let me send them a card". Well tonight I shared this exact conversation with them, minus the threat. It just seemd like the right time. I then told them that I didn't know if every choice I had made was the right one, but every choice I made was out of a mothers true love for them and having their best interest at heart. My youngest to my surprise said you keep making those choices Mom, you know what't best for us. My oldest even added, "Hey guys don't be surprised one day if we run into Aunt ____ and she tries to get us to believe something else, I'm sure she would try to sound very convincing."
While crappy days are fewer and farther between, this has truly been one. On the up side I can say I have truly remarkable children wise beyond their years. They will prevail.
They are this way because of you! They know that you are there to protect them and you will not go down without a fight! And ya know what? Your kids are going to be okay!