Aw..., I wish him so much healing. I boggles my mind how people can do these things to people.

That is great that he is telling you about his triggers so you can do your best to avoid them when possible. My daughter said she has triggers daily no matter what. I know no matter what it enters my mind at least every day... hugs for you and your son.

EMDR! It is for triggers :) I'm in it at the moment and LOVE it. I can at least function...I'm only a couple of months into it and have just recently started my children in it as well. It's wonderful.

He has come a long way as has the rest of our family. There are still things that creep up from time to time that will trigger the whole thing. For me I'm still having a tough time getting over the side of family that turned their back and placed the blame on us. Amaltr, I had never heard of EMDR before, but after reading your post I briefly looked it up. I understand it is eye movement therapy, but I don't understand the concept of how it works. I will definitely look into this some more though.

I know a lot of people who have had success with EMDR therapy. I know for a long time my daughter would go to any lengths to avoid triggers and some of them were really unexpected (like a song that came out much later after the abuse - was not sexual in anyway, but something in it triggered her - I never could figure out a connection). I am glad that she would share the triggers and ask us to avoid these things that bothered her. At some point down the road, she did have a talk with me and said, "you know mom, I have what seems like hundreds of triggers a day and can't avoid everything the rest of my life and need to learn how to deal with them". This has really helped her be able to deal with day to day life without having to avoid so much (or have other people have to avoid so much, either - which is even harder to control).

Well since our little roadtrip this weekend it seems that my son has had a lot of triggers...and he really opened up about them. He ran across the golf clubs in the garage (the ones his aunt and uncle - the uncle who abused him gave him for Christmas one year). It's strange how after disclosure all three of my children started getting rid of the birthday and Christmas gifts (no matter how big or how small) that they had received over the years from this uncle as they didn't want to have anything to do with anything he gave them. For some reason my son didn't want to part with the golf clubs and we didn't push it. The golf clubs were a Christmas gift a month after disclosure (Thanksgiving 2007). We refused to spend Christmas with my brother in law, but as there were some gray areas at the time I let my mother talk me into hanging out with my sister and her children for a few hours during the holidays were we exchanged gifts. I still remember my son's response when he opened the golf clubs, he said, "I don't understand why Uncle _____ would do such a horrible thing to me and then give me such a nice gift." He didn't know why he wanted to keep them and we didn't push it, to be quite honest I had forgotten we even had them. He says he really likes them but doesn't think he wants them anymore because they just make him think of his uncle. Needless to say I think I'll be trashing those suckers and I will probably be buying new ones and we don't even play golf. I went on to ask him what other things remind him of his uncle. He said lots of things. Especially GMC's as this is the brand vehicle his uncle drives. He also said he's glad we don't have ours anymore - we had actually traded ours in about a year before disclosure. He also wanted to know why grandma still hangs out with them even though she's been told what happened. What I haven't told him is that grandma says she doesn't believe it and blames us for her world crumbling down. I've done the best I can to hide her animosity from them but I think it maybe getting ready to bear its ugly head as they are starting to ask more questions about her decision to be close to them after what happened and have voiced their opinion recently that they don't think it is right.

In the past my son had refused to talk anyone but my husband and myself about the abuse. I asked him again tonight if he would be willing to try therapy - he said no. Wouldn't you know my oldest one tells him, "I really think you should reconsider....one day your going to run in to him or eventually we're going to be forced to see him ie: a family members funeral and your not going to be prepared to handle it." So my youngest son knowing that his older brother is right starts to cry a bit and I ask if he would be mad if I forced him to go to conseling and he says "yes" and then I tell him he needs it and he says "ok, will you go in with me?" and then says something very similar to what raniagale's daughter said, "I guess I need to figure out how to deal with all this stuff once and for all". Three and half years later we are still taking baby steps and working hard on our path to recovery. When all is said and done I should probably pay my 15 yr old the $120 hr for therapy. He is wise beyond his years.

You are doing good, doesn't it stink how our lives revolve around this crap now? I mean, I try not to let it, but just under the surface, there it is. Sometimes i am so weary. I am glad he is considering therapy. My daughter has just had one session of play therapy so far, but I figure it can't hurt. Someday she'll have a boyfriend or husband who wants to get close and she won't want to because of the memories, so we have to push them to deal with it I guess. Keep being there and I have faith that everything will get better in time. Hugs to you! Jen

I feel so badly for your son. I hope and pray he will be open to the counseling. It should help him quite a bit. Rani mentioned EMDR, which my son had and he said it helped quite a bit. It helps decrease the effect of the triggers. It's been a long time and your son and you guys deserve to have some relief from this. You've all done an awesome job dealing with the whole thing. Peace and strength to you, and (((hugs)))