Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Strange and bizarre happenings.
Earlier this week my husband ran into BIL's (abuser) grandmother at the grocery store. It's been 4 or 5 years since we've seen her and she truly is one of the nicest people I've had the pleasure of meeting. My husband said she walked right up to him in a very friendly matter and said I know you but I can't remember your name. He obliged by reminding her of his first name and asked how she had been? They talked for several moments when her expression changed and she took off. Obviously remembering why she hasn't seen us in quite sometime.
So here we go again - today my husband and I are stopping for a quick lunch and low and behold my sister (married to the abuser) is outside leaning against the building talking on her phone. We notice each other at the same moment and she makes a very quick jovial comment about nothing of importance and I make one back. Then my husband and I quickly enter the restaurant to place our order. What's funny is she actually seemed put out because we didn't stay to catch up. Exactly what are we supposed to say? "Hey by the way how is the child molester doing?" "Do you have any regrets turning your back on your nephews?" Really - what is the protocol for this?
I'm glad to say I didn't have any feelings good or bad when I say her, very neutral almost like seeing and talking to a stranger. However when I realized the monster she's married to could be there too I started shaking. After a quick glance around and not seeing him that went away. I never did see her come in. I guess she decided to eat somewhere else. What's the chance after 3 1/2 years of having 2 very close sitings
Earlier this week my husband ran into BIL's (abuser) grandmother at the grocery store. It's been 4 or 5 years since we've seen her and she truly is one of the nicest people I've had the pleasure of meeting. My husband said she walked right up to him in a very friendly matter and said I know you but I can't remember your name. He obliged by reminding her of his first name and asked how she had been? They talked for several moments when her expression changed and she took off. Obviously remembering why she hasn't seen us in quite sometime.
So here we go again - today my husband and I are stopping for a quick lunch and low and behold my sister (married to the abuser) is outside leaning against the building talking on her phone. We notice each other at the same moment and she makes a very quick jovial comment about nothing of importance and I make one back. Then my husband and I quickly enter the restaurant to place our order. What's funny is she actually seemed put out because we didn't stay to catch up. Exactly what are we supposed to say? "Hey by the way how is the child molester doing?" "Do you have any regrets turning your back on your nephews?" Really - what is the protocol for this?
I'm glad to say I didn't have any feelings good or bad when I say her, very neutral almost like seeing and talking to a stranger. However when I realized the monster she's married to could be there too I started shaking. After a quick glance around and not seeing him that went away. I never did see her come in. I guess she decided to eat somewhere else. What's the chance after 3 1/2 years of having 2 very close sitings
I cannot imagine running into my FIL. I know I will be overcome with disgust and anger and want to beat the living hell out of him. I pray I never have to see his sick face again. Dang I have some anger too...
You did the right thing and if your sister doesn't get it then o well. You are an awesome mother and your boys are so lucky to have you.
I hope you guys have an awesome Easter and never run into anyone that doesn't support you again, wouldn't that be nice???
1 year wow!! Time just keeps going no matter what we are going through. I hope your girls do get healed and you too! big hugs.
Jennifermom, I have to agree. I do serve a forgiving God. But you have to admit your sins and be truely sorry, then turn away from your wicked ways. These child molesters don't do that.
I'm so sorry you ran into them. I wish there was an etiquitte guide for it. I run into my daughter's abuser and his parents quite often since we all live in the same small town. I refuse to disrupt my life for them any more than I've already done. So if we run into each other somewhere, they are the ones to leave. I've started making it a point to smile and wave just because I know it pi$$es them off. They feel it is all my fault, that I should have called them before going to the police, and since we are family I shouldn't have made him serve those 61 days in jail. They are right. I should have fought harder so he would have spent the 20+ years in prison he deserved! (But that's a whole other story.)
Mommakl, GOD does forgive. But he only forgives those that repent. These kind of people don't believe they are doing anything wrong. He will rot in hell.
No protocol so we all get to make up the rules as we go!!! Wouldn't that be nice??? All the molesters suffer and all the victims heal. We all need to hold our heads high and remember we are awesome parents and they are the sick ones. Don't stop living our lives for them..take the power back. I might just start showing up places my FIL goes so I can smile and wave and make him squirm...esp if he is out to eat with his preacher....ut ooooo....I'm starting to scheme.
I love the way you think!!
Our daughters are both adopted. We knew they had been mental abused and neglected. They were the daughters of my wife's foster brother and his wife. We found out just this past year that both girls had been separately molested and that his wife knew and did nothing but tell the girls to deal with it. She still is with him to this day.
Protocol? Yes, if it is someone who still believes or supports the molester, leave them be and move on. Don't waste your time or grief on them.
I've been told how likely it is that people will try to come around once this is all said and done, even though they support the accused. Too bad. I'm done with that and with them. If you'll support him in this situation, I have nothing for you. I can't.
I can't imagine your situation with it being family that you're having to sort of cut out of your life. But it sounds like you did it in a very graceful way. And I say kudos to you for that.