Welcome and do so sorry.Children seldom lie but we all wish they were lying.Your right,they won't arrest an 11 year old and if charges are brought against her it's likely there will only be mandatory counseling.But my concern is where did this 11year old learn this behavior,is she being abused? Odds are she was or is.This is your sister?At 4 your daughter really doesn't know what happened and just because someone abuses you does not mean you still don't love them.Just explain that what happened was wrong and her aunt needs to see a doctor.Its very hard on us parents,and you will go through many emotions,just know this is not your fault.Do you have family support?

The 11 year old is my husbands half sister. I feel their dad was the one who did something. His older daughters made allegations a few years ago, but would never really tell us what happened. Just that “something happened” when they were young girls. My husband felt like they were lying because they wouldn’t confirm it. My husband wanted to maintain a relationship with his dad. I supported him because one of his older daughters still talks to him. Idk...it’s all so weird to me. My family doesn’t live in our state, just his family. Should I basically expect them to tell me to get my daughter therapy and then they will close it?

Well,they should require the 11year old to get therapy,should be court ordered.Your daughter should also get therapy but it won't be ordered.Tell the detective your suspicions about the abuser,what she did is wrong but you may be saving her from abuse.Its hard to feel compassion towards the person who hurt your daughter but an 11year old girl abusing another is screaming for help.Is this man your husband's dad?

Yes, the man is my husbands dad. We told the detective our concern about him. Once they did the forensic interview and confirmed for themselves my daughter was being honest...they went to interview the 11 year old. I think the interview with her was more about finding the person who touched her. The detective basically said they were going to keep climbing the ladder. I haven’t heard from the detective since he said this, but his dad called my husband. He said that nothing was found and he wanted his daughter to take a lie detecter test to completely clear her, which I felt was off. How can they tell me this happened to my daughter, but then turn around and tell him she was basically “cleared?” I don’t understand that.

It's a very complicated process,and honestly you are very lucky if they press charges.Im not trying to add to your stress but the facts are that nothing happens.Most here have not gotten justice.Its hard to prosecute an adult let alone a child.They will not give a check a lie detector test and it sounds like his father is desperate.Be prepared for a fight from him.Believe and support your daughter,also check out MOSAC,( mother's of sexually abused children.They have lots of info.Also find a child advocacy center,they will get info from the police for you,they also have legal advocates and can refer you to therapists,you should also get a therapist for yourself.Dont let anyone talk you into letting then see each other,your daughter is telling the truth,the best thing you can do for her is to believe her and stress that she did nothing wrong!

I will check out mosac:) I realized shortly after I got home from the interview that even though I was still in disbelief, I was going to make sure she knew I believed her. Like I said she’s been the same exact kid. Still bossy lol and sweet. The detective told my husband they are extremely resilient at her age and may even forget about it..depending on how it’s handled. I don’t want her to blame herself. We were very involved with his dad and 2 half sisters. Their mom is not in the picture, so I basically took her place. We’ll have to figure it out along the way I guess. We do have an advocate, hopefully she’s helpful:) I plan on starting therapy on my own next and my daughter too. I hope they can figure out who touched the 11 year old...even though I have a feeling she’ll contact me one day when she’s older and tell me the truth, but now now.

Many hugs,remember to take care of yourself too!

Thank you:)

So very sorry about all that's happened. One good outcome: you now know never to leave your daughter in the company of her grandfather. Not for a minute. You are doing everything right, even if the legal system and your in-laws disappoint you. I hope your half-sister-in-law will also get the counseling she needs.

I hope she does too. We’ve been staying away from them....it’s been hard on her, but I know it’s for the best.

We are estranged from my in-laws not because they are not safe but because they do not support us.My daughter missed them for awhile and blamed herself for us not seeing them.She felt if she had not told everything would have stayed the same.Most kids feel this way.I had to say over and over that it was what HE did that caused this and just because someone is family does not mean that you must have a relationship with toxic people.Also reunification is possible,with an experienced therapist and safety plans.An 11year old who abuses usually does not know anything else,but it should not be justified or taken lightly,but you know they are not doing it for sexual gratification.There is a member here who had had reunification in her family.Its hard because you need to keep your daughter safe but also feel compassion for the offender because you know she is being hurt also.At 4 she only knows she misses them,perhaps tell her they need to get help before she can see them again.

She asks me everyday to see the 11 year old. I’ve been telling her that what the 11 year old did was not okay and she needs to have someone help her. My daughter doesn’t really get it, so for now it’s working. I’m not sure how all of this is going to play out, I’ve been taking it day by day for now.

I am so sorry you are going through this. At the end of January, my then 5 year old son disclosed that he was being sexually abused by my then 11 year old stepson. I cannot even begin to tell you what the past few months have been through. A few things that may help - we learned that much more occurred than what my son first disclosed, so be prepared for that. At such a young age it's hard to find out what really happened and remember this is a tramua for them, so they will not remember all the details. For weeks I had to brace myself anytime my son would say 'hey mommy'. I didn't know if it was going to be a funny story about his day, or him disclosing additional information. Anytime he talks about what happened I tell him 'I'm sorry that happened to you. Thank you for telling me'. I never what him to feel ashamed about what happened and want him to feel comfortable talking about it. Please make sure you get your daughter into a counselor who is experienced in this. And take care of yourself, you can only take this one day at a time. I would say it gets easier, but there are honestly still good and bad days. One thing is I am forever grateful that my son knew enough to say something about what was occurring. Had he not, I have no doubt the abuse will still be going on.

Thank you for your advice and input:) what happened to the 11 year old? I was basically just told that the advocate believes my daughter 100% and after the interview with the 11 year old. The detective believes the 11 year old and my daughter maya have been confused. He was one of the people who said it did happen. I’m confused...I thought it was already confirmed through the forensic interview. Regardless she’s going to therapy, but i’m frustrated about the discrepancy.

There is no confusion when it comes to sexual abuse.Did she tell you what happened? You can tell what abuse is.I mean if a child accidently bumps into another and rubs against them innocently than that's not abuse but your daughter felt uncomfortable with whatever happened to tell.Yet another example of untrained law enforcement.We are letting theses kids get away with abuse and that is going to affect all of our futures.A child who abuses needs therapy and intervention.Unfortunatly ACN214 is correct,children seldom disclose everything all at once.I struggle with telling the newcomers that because they have enough to deal with.I was told but didn't believe it,but my daughter did disclose a little at a time.