I would suggest you share with them if they ask, if they are firm in their own healing, if there is any benefit to talking about this. Do they maintain a relationship with G'ma? If not, then someday you can substantiate why...with all due respect, unless your friend walks in your shoes, she has no clue. Talk to your therapist about the future. In the meantime...keep purging your feelings in your journal, hide the book well and deal with the here and now. The future entails too much pressure....there is enough of that right now.
Stay on your path...you know what's best for you and yours....GO MOMMA GO !!!
OOO, J

Thanks JustineTrys...my friend has not walked in these shoes, but I know all you guys have which is why I asked here. My children have maintained a relationship with the grandma though it is far from the one they used to have. They also noticed after the abuse grandma rarely called anymore and used to ask why. They have quit questioning me about why she is different. I don't know if they are just finally used to the new distant relationship or if it has been long enough that they just don't remember how close she use to be with them. I have asked my therapist his opininion on showing the kids my journal someday, he says if the time is right I will know. I know he is right, I just feel like I've walked this path by myself in the dark and thought if I asked here and anyone has done this and let me know how it went then maybe I would at least have a flashlight. I know no decisions have to be made right now I have can take years on this one.

Many people live in a state of denial. It's easier, more convenient for them to just be that way. Which we all here know we could have also taken that route. Sometimes people treat us certain ways under the influence of denial and disbelief. If you have a way of talking to your doctor/therapist, i would start there before your children. However if your children are of a certain age, (adults) then they may be more equipped to listen to you and understand your feelings without passing judgment. I guess you know your kids best but I definitely would be cautious of what is age appropriate and what is not. If you are being attacked by one side, you certainly have a right to defend your feelings in a mature manner. Good Luck to you

My oldest daughter does not want to hear about my pain. I think it hurts her too much to see me in such pain. When I first found out about the abuse I looked and felt like a walking zombie. They hated seeing me that way. (I assume this is part of the reason they dont tell). Our children try to protect their parents. How sad is that? But how can you not be in extreme pain when this happens? Since it bothered them so much I would lock myself in my room and scream and cry into a pillow. I also went over to the abusers (dead from suicide) house and kicked the hell out of "his chair". Woulldoitagain, if your children are older you can tell them you journaled and if someday when they are ready, if they ever are, its there for them to see. This is our new normal now and we have to find a way to live and thrive in these circumstances. Do we hate it? Of course, but we and our children were not given a choice. We can only do our best and try and help them through this. Hang in there. h

Hi woulddoitagain, I'm so sorry for you having to go thru this dark spot in your life alone. You have us here, but I know it's so much better to have someone there with you. I agree with alot of what's already been said--journaling is a great outlet for you to purge yourself of the thoughts and feelings, and then keep your journal well-hidden until you know the time is right to offer it for your kids to read if they want to at some point. Even with lots of ongoing counseling, some kids take a long time to process and let go of feelings from memories from the difficult times in life--they're all very different even when from the same family. I don't know what age your children are--most know something about what's going on, but it's not necessarily the best thing for them to know the entire issue from your perspective. My kids are adults, one a new college grad, and the other 2 are college students, and I know this whole horrible thing that happened to one of the students really weighs heavily on all of them at times--it affects all 3 of them since he tried it to a degree with the other 2 first, but none of them knew about each other's experiences with the perp. It's something they have to push back alot in order to concentrate and get all their work done to get good grades so they keep their scholarships and grants. I can't possibly add my stuff on top of them now, so I too keep everything inside alot of the time unless they bring it up and want to talk about it, and even then I share less than half the "iceberg" so their sense of guilt or shame isn't increased. But I'm writing everything down in a book that I hope to publish once the legal stuff is finished and my kids all graduate and are employed-- everyone's name is changed to maintain anonymity. So my point is even once they are adults, their situation may need to be taken into consideration as well before you decide to let them see all you've written. My heart goes out to you, and to everyone here. This time of year is usually difficult to handle without the added burdens inflicted by CSA. Hope you can all find some peace somehow. (((hugs))) to all.

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and comments. My children are now 11, 13, & 15 (8,10, &12 at the time of disclosure) so I have the rest of my life to decide this. For now I will keep journaling and work on my own healing and do what I can to bridge the relationship between my mom and my children. After all, this whole journey has been about doing what's right for my children and helping them get back to normal. For now I will keep my journaling and opinions of other family members to myself as to not burden my children with this. Who knows, maybe when they are adults we will all sit down and share our thoughts on the early part of our healing. But for now it's nice just to bounce ideas off each other and find out what has worked and hasn't worked for other families. BIG HUGS to all of you and your families