Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Only just found you guys.........I read a few posts and I cried and cried and cried and cried........every-thing you are saying relates to how I am feeling........my daughter disclosed 2 years ago, she was only 4 years old, it was her own biological father.... consistentently over a considerable period of time. We confronted him....panic shock disbeleif total breakdown....he dienied every-thing....however the police got a good statement from my daughter depite her tender age...It took 18 months to get to court and he was found not guilty. I had thought about 'it' every-day, and knew if the court went against us, I would nose dive. He got away with it. He said I had brain washed her into saying it....I felt completely violated all over again. Half the community believe him, half us. My daughter, now aged 6, kept asking "mummy why do they keep asking me questions? Do they think I am a liar?" I am so depressed I can hardly function. My daughter has lost all her confidence...she's hardly going to school despite play theorapy etc....I am getting counselling, and as much as I like my cousellor, it's not helping me.....I can't get over it, I can't move on....I still think about it every-day, the moment I open my eyes....I dread waking....I just want to sleep....I am on anti-deppressants....they help a bit, but not much....I drink too much...but that's just to block out the thoughts...it's no answer to happiness.
I wanted to say, in reply to your comment to me, that it's horrible to find out our children have been abused whether we find out immediately or whether we find out 50 years later. Shattered is shattered. After disclosure, it's all an effort to pull the pieces together again, find a new normal and move forward. Keep going.
That being said this group validated my truth. I didn't have to prove my story to anyone here. I then joined celebrate recovery a 12step program and again found a place where my truth was validated and I was supported in the truth. I realized that I desperately needed that. I needed to be surrounded by people that 100 percent believed and supported me. I eventually cut out those who didn't and it was a big step in the right direction for me. I had to accept the injustice the unfairness of the system and people just don't know the statistics they don't have a clue they just assume well if he's guilty he will go to prison. It's not that easy we know. I want you to be proud though it doesn't matter the outcome you stand proud and your daughter that you did the right thing as much as it is up to you ... you did the right thing. That's what is important. What you both did took courage.
Put a period on that statement for you and your daughter you did the right thing.
Now as for other people you have to find a period for yourself in that too. I heard it said that for everyone there are people that no matter what won't be for us, then there are some that are for us but can be persuaded to be against us, and likewise some that are against us but could be persuaded to be for us and then there are those that will always be for us and will stick by no matter what ... those are the people you want in your life. Don't worry about the other ones don't waste your time and energy trying to prove yourself to them or get their approval. This helped me immensely. I had to stop letting those that wouldn't be for me go. I had to stop all the trickle in hurtful information from getting to my ears. Then I had to focus on what matters most my child and her well being. I had to take care of me. I had to find acceptance. I had to fill my mind with other good and positive things. I still have bad moments and bad days and bad weeks. I'm still a work in progress. I listen to Joel Osteen Christian speaker because he has a very positive message and it lifts me up. If nothing else is working I put on a podcast and get to working around the house or whatever I need to do. I even let my kids listen because he talks about unfair situations and I can help them relate to what weve been thru but our story isn't over yet. He is positive and people will say it's too positive right and I'm like look in my life I need all the positives I can get cause ive faced a lot of negatives. There's been a lot of deficit but God is balancing my books praise be to Him. There are lots of resources so find something that works for you and work it cause you are worth it!!!