Im glad you found this site. Do you ever feel that you should report the abuse? He will not stop molesting other children! It is a crime of shame, but you and your children have nothing to be ashamed of. The shame should be put on the molester. It does break up families as you will read on here. How old are your boys? Peace to you.

I am glad that you found the site. I do agree with AnnHolly. He probably won't stop :(

I am very happy you found us here. It is a strong sense of family on this site even though we are related only by tragedy. Annholy is correct. If you have not reported this, you must. They do not stop at one. God knows how many before your son, have been molested. Stay strong, own your feelings, it is shocking and hard and alot of times you think you will never get through...... You will!!! Just breathe and take it one step at a time. Make sure the kids are in counseling and the S.O.B. is locked up for what he has done to all of them. That is where he belongs. No matter if it is family or not. Take care and Welcome!!! HUGS and Prayers to you!!!

Do I ever think I should have reported this? I think about this all the time. When my son first told us about the touch (it was through clothing) we were told pressing charges would probably be useless. Over the course of several months the story had unraveled. According to my children, this so called touch was a regular game called, "I'll tickle you till you pee in your pants". I've been told more recently that we have more than enough information than we need to prosecute. I know pressing charges is the right thing to do...it's just that my children took so long to get in a good place and they are in a good place now. I just don't want to start all over with their healing process.

I do understand no wanting to drag your children through this but that pervert will not stop!!! Are they in counseling? How old are they? This is not an easy thing as you will read on here, but we have to stop these perverts any way we can. Here is a big hug for you.

I'm so sorry this happened to you and your family. I know how difficult the decision to report is. We were really confused at first as to how to proceed. Dd disclosed on a Tuesday and we called the police that Saturday after it sunk in a bit and we saw the therapist. I was on another board before this that was for older rape victims and their families (I'm so grateful I found this board) and someone posted that it was on us to protect other kids by reporting-and maybe even the perp (11, dd is 6) because he was probably abused. Although this is a perfectly sane argument, I didn't think I wanted to put my daughter through the paces with detectives, the DA, and other various strangers. My daughter's therapist also encouraged us to report. She explained it to us this way: by reporting it, we're showing her that we believe her and she has a voice. Also, when she looks back on this in 5, 10, 20 years (although I really wish we could all just forget this ever happened) that she'll know we did everything we could and she'd have no "unfinished business". This was what really made me pick up the phone. It has not been easy, the legal system is a joke and the family is divided to put it mildly, but I made the decision really based on what the therapist said about how she'd look back on this as an older child and perhaps as an adult.
Good Luck no matter your decision- we all know how hard it is.
((hugs))

It is very difficult to report the sexual abuse of your child but it is really important. As Nightbird said it compounds your belief and the seriousness of the matter and others have stated it stops the perp from abusing other children. I don't wish to cause you further distress but I feel very strongly about this. Your case could be substantiated with one of the other boys having witnessed the abuse. This is very helpful. Also, if your children are actively in therapy the therapist can help with your case as well. He/She can also help get your children back to where they are in their healing process if in the event that they are disrupted by this process. I think it would be very empowering for a child to put their perp. in jail. Sexual Abuse robs a child of their power and anything that can be done to reinstate their power is so healing for them!! They can also be built up to be hero's (after the fact of course) if in the event that the perp is actually placed in jail for having prevented the abuse of others. If this perp. still has access to other children, esp. in the remainder of the family that is unaware of what has transpired they are at risk. In anycase keep driving home that it is NOT THEIR FAULT and keep being the great MOM you are being regardless of what you decide to do. It may be a hard road, but you can do it!

Reporting the abuse was helpful for my son. He felt like we believed him and were willing to do whatever it took to defend him. It did help him to take back the power. The process was and continues to be a nightmare. My father was the perpetrator and the abuse occurred on family vacations in three different states, so we were facing three different court cases. He is now incarcerated. He made our lives hell (he hired many attorneys and harnessed us as much as possible for he is very well off financially) but once he got put in a jumpsuit he was no longer able to pay people to make life difficult. Initially I felt very guilty about turning him in and was not able to do so right away. It took me about a month. But I knew I had to. My husband is a Psychologist and I am a teacher. If one of my students or one of his clients told us of this situation we would be bound to report it by law. I wish my situation had a better outcome.......My son has really suffered for over the past six months since the conviction and has spent most of his time in the hospital. His psychological problems really have him at a stand still right now but he has to go through this to get well. He was abused on vacations for six years and that is a long time and a huge painful burden to have had to bear as a child. I think that as parents of survivors we go through many layers of this process. It takes each person time. I was not capable of reporting it right away (although legally it would have been far better) but I had to process the enormity of this life change realizing that I was never going to have a relationship with my father and to find a way of dealing with my mom even though she is still married to him. It's huge.......... and Ugly, but as hard as it is I would do it again if I had to. The fact that we fought back and justice was finally served means a lot to me and to my son. We parents of survivors are fighters. We are tough and we can collectively survive this nightmare! I wish you the best and send out a big hug!

All of you women are so heroic! woulddoitagain--report it please. I reported my daughter's case. My then husband, her dad, is the one who molested her. I went to authorities. This was the first complaint ever against my ex in his life even though he regularly volunteered to help needy children for years. Since my daughter is the only known victim we could not charge him. It was only her 3 year old word against his. Our detective (who I admire and respect) told me that the only way to get these guys is to have multiple victims come forward. You have multiple victims! The best that I could hope for was just having our detective show up at his work site and question him. The best that my daughter will have is knowing I fought tooth and nail in civil court to keep him away from her. For me it helped to confront him on the stand and in court. But my daughter will never have that ability and that has been difficult to accept.
After reading what women and children here have had to go through in the court system, there is a bit of relief knowing we don't have to go through it. But it makes me sick to know that he can hurt other children. I HATE that. I have had to make peace that he won't ever go to jail; won't ever be a registered sex offender. All I can do is tell others about who he is and what he did so others will be safe.
I understand your fear of rocking the boat of your childrens' healing, but there can easily be unresolved issues that still need to come out. This might as well happen now with you at their side guiding them, grieving with them. And silence doesn't protect your sons or any other children. If I were family I would want to know, ESPECIALLY if I had children. In my Ex's case, I have notified everyone and told them my story. We are not believed by his family and that is their issue, not mine. I have done literally everything I humanly can do.
The fact that you have been willing to cut your family off for the sake of your sons says everything. This is a HUGE sacrifice on your part and must be very painful for you. I just hope you are willing to go the next step and try. Since there are three victims, you can be sure there are many many many more out there. You have a case.

This site has been my sanity for a while now. I hate that everyone has to go through this, but I find comfort in knowing others have the same feelings/emotions/thoughts I do. I did report and my family turned against me. But if I had it to do over again, I would only fight harder for a tougher sentence. But I can definately understand not wanting to drag them through any more than you have to. That is the reason we agreed to such a light sentence. . . I didn't want my daughter to face the weasel of a defense attorney the perp hired.

I'm finding such comfort in reading how others are going through what I'm going through. It's such a horrible thing for any parent to go through and I have found that other people really don't understand the depth of emotion and pain we feel. It's been a little over a year since I found out my daughter was molested by her uncle and she was 13 at the time. She is now 23 and no charges were ever brought against him. My daughter didn't want to press charges and doesn't like to talk about the abuse. I think she feels guilty for causing problems in the family since we were very close and spend holidays with them. For awhile I felt that I needed to forgive him and continue to spend holidays with my sister and him but only recently, I figured out I do need to forgive him for my sake but I will cut off all ties to them. I know my sister didn't do this but she has defended him and for my daughter's sake, I have to let go. It has caused a big rift in our family and we have become the outcast. I find it amazing how many people on this site that have also been outcast from the family. We are the ones that were wronged and yet we are to blame. I hope everyone feels some support from being in this group, I know I do.

I'm reading these post with tears running down my cheeks. I have to thank you for all your support. You all are amazing people and parents. I have given my therapist enough personal information about my brother-in-law to make an anonomous report. He has offered to do this on our behalf as he knows how I'm struggling with this. I just keep hearing the horror stories about the defending attorney's turning the children's story around to make them feel guilty or like they asked for it. I can't bear the thought of my children being put through that - they've gone through enough already. Like another family's posting, my brother-in-law has an unlimited amount of financial resources and would probably never do a day of time. Anyway my therapist say this will at least get him flagged without my children being questioned. I know it's not ideal, but at least it's a start.

So long as you keep reiterating to your children that they are strong, brave and not at fault relentlessly they will understand that they were not at fault. I make a huge deal out of everything...yay good job brushing your teeth...good work feeding the dogs, wonderful job tying your shoes etc to bolster the confidence and constantly remind her it was not her fault. you never know as they go thru the ages/stages what they remember so you have to keep at it. So I do...it's what Mommies do...and you have! You are doing great!
Even if he never sees jail, at least he will feel some fear and will be exposed to some extent...and I think having multiple children able to verbalize their abuse works in your favour. GOOD LUCK and many hugs to you!

It is so heartbreaking that the children feel guilty and shamed, when they did nothing wrong. We become outcasts when we stand up for injustice! That just shows you how evil works! It permeates everything. Not talking about it and sweeping it under the carpet will NOT MAKE IT GO AWAY!!! Does anyone else call it "IT" now? (the abuse) We just have to stand up for our children. Ask them how they would feel if it was their children?