It's a long road to feeling happy and okay again. It took me at least 18 months to even realize how bad things were. You can do this! This is a long, scary, heartbreaking journey but one day you will begin to come out the other side! I needed medication to help me begin to feel better. Maybe that's something you need too. Have you been this honest with your therapist about how you're feeling? If not, please do! It's the only way to get the help you need. If you have and things still aren't improving, maybe you should try a different therapist. You can turn this around! You have to not only for yourself but for your child too. I believe the only pain worse than this would be if we actually lost our children and I know we can all relate.

It's been almost 2 years since the first disclosure and still I have days of extreme depression here and there...all related to the pain of enlightenment to the abuse. You are in a hard spot but there will finally be a period where it is not so all-consuming. However, I don't know if having a bad day due to this stuff is ever off the table.

I agree with momof2b, be honest with your therapist, try meds, share how you're feeling with someone, anyone! And find your happy.. there has to still be SOMERHING that gives you a sense of comfort/safety/peace/joy...prayer, exercise, painting, writing, music, movies, etc. Do that thing at least 1x a day! Get out of the house, even though your emotions/body disagree, override with knowledge that getting moving outside will help break that funk! You can do it! Don't give up and let the perpetrator steal anymore from you!

I am in a void at the moment I won't let myself think about it too much so keep myself busy with work jobs at home etc anything that stops me thinking, I haven't been honest with my counsellor and this week I was as he got me on a bad day so I blurted it out he said he knew I wasn't being honest but needed me to be ready so if yours is any good view will probably be the same.
It's a horrible journey and every day week month scares me.
We are here for you xx

Yes to all above. Being honest with your therapist gives her a chance to help.

Imagine someone having a broken finger and holding it behind her back, refusing to allow her doctor to have a look. Why might someone do that? One reason might be fear that allowing her doctor to touch the hurt place might make it hurt more. But unless the doctor can see the hurt place, effective treatment can't happen. And without effective treatment, the pain will just continue.

Other reasons why we might not share our deepest pain with therapists:
• because we're polite, and telling a helper that we're feeling worse might make the helper feel bad about her ability to help. But therapists know that healing isn't a linear process. Depression, like cancer, can both shrink and metastasize. Treatment is still the best bet for managing it.
• because it's hard to find the words (emotional trauma affects our word-finding ability); start with any old words, though, and you'll begin to connect pieces of understanding that will help you to move forward.
• because it's embarrassing to admit that we're still depressed, because it's frustrating to realize that we're still depressed, because we're angry at ourselves for still being depressed. These emotions come from a belief that we should be able to control our mental health. We can, but not in the way we can control our driving, for example. We have to learn a whole new way of being to find comfort after trauma. It can take a long time to learn a new way of being!

You describe what my daughter says she feels,why she can't make it through a school day,why she dies not want to leave the house,why she wants to stay safely in her room..Her therapists tell me to get her out even just outside the front door for 5minutes,but it's hell to do.

I am taking medication. I finally found one that was working but it seems like it's not working as well. I'm thinking of taking to my doctor about increasing it. I know it's hard on my kids seeing that i don't enjoy life anymore. I don't want to be like this anymore. It feels like i cant even physically force myself to do the simplistic things. I make sure they have clean clothes and food to eat and that's about it. They deserve better and i just cant. I don't feel like I'm hiding anything from my counselor but i truly feel like i don't have anything else to say. What happened happened and nothing i can do or say can take that back. I'm starting to think I'm just not strong enough to deal with this. I hear about you all still going to work and other things. It's been 7 months and I'm still barely functioning.

I agree it sounds like your meds are not working.we all handle this differently.I don't work and am home all day,sitting on the couch,too tired to do anything.I do a quick sweep through the rooms to make it look like I did something,mostly for my husband's sake.you may need to try another med.You are stronger than you think.

I agree with others that a change in meds may help. I'm glad to know that you feel you've told your therapist everything. Still, you need to tell her about how you feel as if you've covered everything but it's stopped helping. Then ask for a referral to a practitioner of EMDR. EMDR has shown to be a powerful treatment for trauma (yes, you were traumatized, too by this experience) and for depression:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/eye-movement-desensitization-and-reprocessing/

Sometimes we reach the limits of what one particular therapist can do for us, and it's time to explore a new approach. Many of us here have changed therapists when this happened, including me. Many of us have also found EMDR to be very effective, and a jump-start toward returning to a manageable life. I have only done EMDR about three times over the past year and a half (my practitioner lives in a town far from my own) and each time found myself better able to find motivation and calm. I can only imagine that regular EMDR sessions would have a more profound effect. It's also something you can learn to reinforce on your own between sessions.

I second Naive's suggestion about EMDR. It helped my son to process his abuse, and that helped me in my healing too. I also had a very difficult time getting out of bed for almost 6 months after disclosure, and the perp (a teacher) and his parents and siblings were well respected residents in our town. My sons, the victims, did not have their names in the news since the abuse happened while they were minors, but I didn't know who knew what, who would react negatively to me, which I knew I couldn't handle, so I was reclusive for a long time. My husband was a saint, did a lot of the shopping and errands with me or alone at times.

I finally got to the point that I realized I had to start setting VERY small achievable goals, and gradually add on other small goals. I started with getting out of bed before noon, then before 11am, then before 10am, then before 9am. I also started going outside and breathing deep for 5 minutes a day, then 10 minutes a day, then 15, then 20. Then I started making myself take a shower and get dressed at least every other day, then every day. Then I took someone's advice and started doing something new that I had always been interested in but had never done. This was an activity that I couldn't associate with the abuse, so I started doing my family's genealogy.

You probably get the gist, and maybe you've already tried these types of things. I also agree there may need to be a medication change made. Keep trying to find something that will give you a boost in your motivation and ambition. Once you get it started, it should naturally continue. I still have setback days, but 7 1/2 yrs out from disclosure, they are very few and far between, finally!

My heart goes out to you, as well as my thoughts and prayers...

I just was thinking about this last night,well sort of.Anyway my daughter is going to see a new psychiatrist again and will go through the 90 minute assessment.She likes to go in on her own first and then I go in to correct some things.But I have noticed on several occasions she does not really say what she means to say.I have addressed this with the docs before and they have Sid sometimes with depression and PTSD you think you are saying things when in fact you are not making your point.You said you are very open with your doctor but I am wondering if you are or just think you are.Keep a journal of feelings and take it with you next time,depression can affect your memory and how you think you are presenting yourself to others

Are you in a group? Therapy is well and good but it doesn't replace being in a safe place to share your daily, weekly struggles. I can honestly say I got to the same point in therapy it wasn't helping anymore. What helped me find hope was hearing other real people's struggles and break throughs.... in celebrate recovery the do testimonies every other week. Listening to those testimonies over time opened me up to more healing, to hope. I heard stories that I can't even describe the pain these lively people lived through and to see their faces full of hope, healing and life this gave me the hope that even in what I've been through life can be good.

I've done alanon, coda 12-step groups. It doesn't have to be celebrate recovery. You will benefit from sharing your experience and struggles with other safe people. Hugs. Get out there.

Great suggestion, Heart. Al-Anon helped me more than therapy. I went because my daughter was addicted to opiates at the time, but I learned quickly that sexual abuse was also a feature in the lives of many who attended (even if they didn't often talk about it in meetings; substance abuse and sexual abuse have a pretty tight friendship). The great thing about Al-Anon (and probably every group heartsadx2 mentioned) is that it addresses something that is beyond our power to control. There is nothing like a crime against our children to shatter our sense of control. How do we live with it? These groups can really help, and may be free (Al-Anon costs a voluntary dollar per meeting).

Still, look into EMDR to help detoxify your worst memories and fears. The effects are immediate, and continue to work over time.

Great suggestion, Heart. Al-Anon helped me more than therapy. I went because my daughter was addicted to opiates at the time, but I learned quickly that sexual abuse was also a feature in the lives of many who attended (even if they didn't often talk about it in meetings; substance abuse and sexual abuse have a pretty tight friendship). The great thing about Al-Anon (and probably every group heartsadx2 mentioned) is that it addresses something that is beyond our power to control. There is nothing like a crime against our children to shatter our sense of control. How do we live with it? These groups can really help, and may be free (Al-Anon costs a voluntary dollar per meeting).

Still, look into EMDR to help detoxify your worst memories and fears. The effects are immediate, and continue to work over time.

Funnily enough I have been to Al anon before when my husband the abuser was in drug rehab i went to a few meetings. I've just looked online and the closest one to where i live now is about 30 minutes so I'm not sure if i could make that right now but it's a great idea. Sometimes i feel like part of my problem is where i have moved to. I'm in the UK and moved from a very southern warm state and it's cold and everything is just so different here. Traffic where i live is horrendous and i can never find parking for anything. All this just builds up and i stay home more and more. It's my birthday on Tuesday and my parents say i "have" to do something. I don't even want to leave my room let alone the house!

I agree you have to do something.If you can't leave the house play a game with your child(ren).Make homemade pizza and bday cupcakes,do something out of the ordinary.Consider doing this for your daughter,celebrate for her.Birthdays are a big deal and she needs that normalcy.i know it's hard but she needs to see that you are ok,fake it till you make it,that's what my daughter's therapist always says.