That is one huge guilt trip she is laying on you and is a great form of manipulation. Enough is enough. It is sad that she isn't supporting you. Good on you for taking your stance - stay strong! You and your son deserve better than this treatment. If she is disappointed and cries, that is her problem. Keep your boundaries - you are doing the right thing.

It would be a false picture, because it would be a pretence at a family that were together. I don't do secrets and lies anymore- and find life is much less complicated now I have taken that position.

I think the further people are from the people who have been hurt, the less they get it- unless they have experienced it myself.

You are just being honest- good when you can combine honest with nice, but honest wins every time. Some police motto, isn't it? Loyalty first, but not before honour (or is that an old Bruce Willis movie!!?) But I think it says it all. There are family ties, but there are some things you can't do.

Cheers for you. I think it shows courage, major backbone and loyalty and love for your child to say NO. Ignore her guilt trip. I finally learned that I had to take my mom as she was and accept that at her age she wasn't going to change and we got along much better when I quit trying to get thru to her. (It wasn't about the abuse, she passed away before we found out about it - we just generally didn't see eye to eye on stuff) You should be proud of yourself for not caving in just to make her happy. Maybe if she sees you standing your ground over this, she'll start to realize how serious it is, I know it's a pretty big MAYBE but you can always hope?? Anyway, my two cents is that you did the right thing. I don't understand how people can possibly thing this is something to just "get over" or sweep under the rug. It is SERIOUS. SHEEEEEEESH! Hugs to you. Jen

I agree with all of the above. Good for you for being courageous to your convictions, and siding with your son and the truth. His best interest is the priority, not the family photo.Your son and you should not have to be in the same place as the offender--ever! This way, as Caramel said, the photo will reflect the truth--that there are family members missing, who are not being recognized. I'm sorry that you have to deal with issues that constantly stem from this--it just doesn't seem to end. You could privately have a couple photos taken with your immediate family and your grandmother together aside from any of the others, and give one to her, and keep one for you. I have to commend you for being nice to your mom--I don't know how I'd react, but I'm fairly sure nice wouldn't be the adjective of choice. I also say bravo for not being manipulated, and especially for reaching a point of significant growth where you don't have the negative feelings anymore from her denial. You can only help you and your son, and only she can help herself--it's her choice. You are doing the right things, stay strong. (((hugs)))

Uh I deal with the same shit! Guilt trips! No reprecussions for my pig nephew! My mom even said that she can't think about it because, she would look at him different BOOHOO

Thanks for all your kind words. This has been going on for almost 4 years now so I really don't think there is hope she will come around. And if she does I'm just not sure how receptive I would be anyway. There's just too much damaged to the relationship at this point and I don't believe it could ever be salvaged. That being said I think her tears were more for her running out of things to tell the family for us not being at functions. She knows she can't make up lies forever and she's starting to get nervous. She's done her best to keep us away from the extended family -shame on me for letting her. But for some strange reason in the last year they have started calling and coming around, so we talk pretty frequently now. I haven't said anything to extended family at this point only because they haven't asked. Mom knows I 'll be brutely honest when they do. Just like you can feel when a storm is moving in I can feel them working up the courage to ask what is really going on.

If anything your so called brother in law should be banned from the family! Uh when it is family it is the hardest!

Hey you are not alone. Just found out a month ago that my dads girlfriend has been sexually abusing my children for years. And even with all proof from social services and interrogators my father and brother are still taking her side. It is hard enough to deal with this issue I well know! Especially without the added stress of family members that are in denial. My father is actually trying to sue me for slander and get grandparent visitation rights. Like social services will totally let that happen. I have found it helpful to just stay away from them and spend time with other family and friends that understand us and or situation.

Good for you!!! I am so glad that you are not giving in..... And since you have NADA.....Zilch..... feelings, that means you are HEALING!!! :) That is a good thing..... You are a very strong person and you are showing it!!! My family has been supportive of me.... My ex husbands has not.... They blame my daughter.... Whatever.... I don't care about them at all anymore. But the only thing that bothers me is if I do go on the Dr. Phil show, none of my family wants their names to be brought up..... I understand that and would not do that anyway because it is us not them that are dealing with the abuse. But they constantly keep telling me to leave them out. I am sick of hearing it!!! My mom is great with guilt trips. I have grown like you..... I don't let them effect me anymore~!!!!!! I am so proud of you!!! HUGS!!!!!

Wow. Good for you!

So proud of you. Keep up the great healing. Your children will remember all of this, mom stands up for me no matter what! Hugs and prayers.
I think your mom is feeling pretty guilty, deep down she knows she has made a bad choice.

(((HUGS))) Great job! You have reached a point where you are strong. Could you have ever imagined being here when all of this started? You have come so far!

Hang in there we are stil trying to seek justice and my perpetrator is my dads girlfriend of 20yrs and my father and brother are in denial. The perp has contacted every family member of mine saying im crazy so believe me I feel your pain my daily phone calls are hard to deal with from family members but soon I will have proof to show different. It is so hard when you don't have the support of your family. And when you have to prove yourself to them. It is heartbreaking. Hang in there you are doing great

I hope to redeem myself with my family once I have proof in hand and Im quite sure my dad will send his girlfriend packing but if not I will do the same as you because our children come first. Regardless of any other family.

Our whole family has come along way...Eventually you realise no matter what kind of proof you have certain people will always be in denial and there isn't anything you can do about it. It is what it is and you have to tell yourself (I literally did this at times) and your children not to let them keep you down. The healing is hard enough without the added guilt of certain people.