We have a big week ahead and I'm hoping we will at least get some sense of peace at the end.  The not sleeping and constant stress over what the outcome will be is really wearing on me.  On Tuesday, we are attending what is called a "staffing" meeting where we will be sitting down with my stepson (the offender), his mother, my husband, his defense attorney, and members of the department of juvenile justice to discuss what we will the appropriate next steps are.  The panel will prepare a report with their reccomendation to go to the judge.  We have been told the judge follows the reccomendation 90% of the time. The state is pushing for him to go to a non-secure (he can't leave but it's not a secure jail), inpatient facility for juvenile sex offenders.  My husband and I support their case and feel it is the best treatment for my stepson.  His mother, does not agree and wants him to stay with his current plan.  He is currently under strict house arrest, cannot even go outside and has to be home shcooled as he is not allowed any contact with minor children.  He attends outpatient therapy 1 hour/week.  I don't see how this is any type of a long term solution for a 12 year old and I don't see him getting the help he needs.  At the inpatient facilty he would receive education, daily therapy and phsyical activity outdoors.  The length of stay is determined on his progression, but is typically 6-9 months.  I think it's well worth it for him to go away for this temporary period of time to get the intense mental help he needs.  He was originally offered a chance at a diversion program, which he got kicked out off when he had a sexual encoutner with a peer at summer camp. There were no charges filed for this incident as the other child did not disclose when questioned by the policy/DCF.  Had his case originally been handled with charges and not the diversion program, he would have likely been 6 months into treatment, and we would probably be discussing his transition plan to come home at this point.  Not to mention, we could have avoided there being another victim.

My husband and I don't know what to expect at this "staffing" meeting, and it is only 30 minutes long.  I also don't know if I will be allowed in the room and given the opportunity to speak.  Even though I am considered a "parent", being his step parent, I am also the mother of one of the vicitms.  I am going to prepare a letter for the panel and also a speech, in the event I am given the opportunity to speak.  My husband is going to come prepared with notes to be sure he covers everything he wants.  We want to ensure the people making the decision have all the information on this case.  The police reports and other case documents only tell a portion.  We had no idea the full extent of what we were dealing with when my son initially disclosed to us. We know the mother will not disclose everything.  She didn't even mention this meeting to my husband.  She has no idea the state attorney prosecutor told us.  My husband had lunch with his son on Friday, and on leaving said "I'll see you Tuesday afternoon" - that's when his counseling appointment is.  To which his son informed him - "oh, my counseling is cancelled.  I have another appointment at 1:30 where I have to go talk about myself.  You should come. "

Thursday morning we have the sentencing with the judge where the next steps will be decided, and no matter what the outcome I'm hoping we will have some peace.  It's still a long road ahead. If he gets sent to inpatient, my husband and I know we will be blamed and his mother will never forgive us.  If he doesn't get sent to inpatient we have no doubt he will sail through an outpatient program and will end up reoffending.  The judge we have is one of the more lenient judges, and we have a feeling she will not go towards inpatient.  Also, one of his recent psych evals (which we have not seen even though we had to pay for it), apparently reccomends that he continue with his current treatment for 6 months and then if not successful, be evaluated for inpatient.  I am going to argue that the current program is not effective, given that he reoffended while in the program, his safey plan has gotten more restrictive instead of less, and he failed a polygraph. Not to mention the court/DCF won't even allow him to attend school right now. I'm hoping and praying that the panel sees the need for a more intense treatment program and makes the reccomendation to the judge for inpatient. 

I'm somewhat glad we have a long weekend to prepare.  I also feel I need to write a victim impact letter as my son is only 6 and doesn't have a voice in this so I have to be his voice.  Although you could say he is doing fine now it has impacted him greatly and will be for the rest of his life.  I have his therapist writing a letter that will hopefully speak to this. It has impacted our family.  The last family picture my son drew only had 3 people, his brother was not in the picture.  His therapist said this is how his brain has learned to process and accept it at this point.  It's heartbreaking to say the least.  I have no idea what reunification will look like.  I highly doubt my stepson will ever live with us again, but I would at least like to get to the point where the boys can have a converation on the phone or maybe we all go out to dinner together.  A few weeks ago my son had a complete meltdown and was angry at me all over a video game that he wanted to tell his brother he earned a new charcter in.  While I fully understand and support the no contact order between the boys, it's hard when it seems like a punishment to my son who just wants to talk to the brother he still adores. 

Up until the disclosure at the end of January, my stepson has always been a great kid.  Honor roll student, never in trouble.  If asked to describe him, I always said he had a heart of gold and was willing to help anyone.  He was the type of kid who would give up his food if he saw another kid who didn't have lunch.  It doesn't make sense that he went from that to doing the sexual abuse that occured.  I don't believe he set out to hurt anyone.  Something happend that caused him to do this.  He might have been a victim himself, or at the very least was exposed to some highly inappropriate stuff.  I won't get into details, but there is stuff that occured that is beyond what you would consider any type of normal sexual activity.  As odd as it may sound, my heart aches for him as I can't imagine what it's been like for him to keep this inside.  7 months post disclosure we still know where this generated from.  His legal protection has take priority over his mental health.  I'm hoping once the legal stuff is over this week he can move on to getting him the help he truly needs before it's too late. 

Sorry this is long, just please keep us in your thoughts and prayers this week.  If anyone has any advice or sample letters they can share it would be much appreciated!