Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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ACN214 02/17/2018

So when I thought things were going okay and we were getting back to some sense of "normal", I have been very angry the past few days and this is not an emotion I am used to dealing with. A little background - a few weeks ago my 5 year old son told us he was being sexually abused by my 11 year old stepson. Currently, my stepson has been removed from our house (he is staying with his mother), and there is no contact order between the boys while the investigation is ongoing. We are waiting on child protective services to finalize their report and then everything will be submitted to the state attorney for review and next steps. The report should be submitted next week,but I'm not holding my breath. We also don't know how long it will take for the state attorney to review and proceed with next steps.

The main source of my anger has to do with my stepson's mother. When we first learned what occured we all agreed my stepson needed some mental help and got him setup with a counselor. During the first session, his mother got so scared over the potential legal consequences that she hired a laywer for her son. The lawyer advised against counseling as the counselor could be called to testify in court. So, my stepson is currently dealing with being removed from the home he spends half his time in, lost his brother (they are at the same school and not even allowed to say hello), and I'm sure a mix of emotions on dealing with the situation and worried about the consequences. Not to mention, whatever caused him to do this in the first place. My husband and I have tried to plea to get him back into counseling, but his mother is only concerned about protecting him legally. I explained we all want the best possible outcome legally, but he clearly needs help and needs it now. My husband took him to dinner this week and he even expressed the desire to talk to someoone. I also told her to think about what if he harms himself of others and it's something that could have been prevented by getting him the help he needs. While I agree that I don't want to see him labeled as a sex offender for 25 years and his life destroyed over this, I do not agree with the decision to put his mental well being at risk. I also don't believe the lawyer will be able to do much. My stepson admitted to what he did, which we told the authorities when we reported it. Also, my son was interviewed by child protective services (it was recorded as evidence), and he was open about what happened. A lot of the legal consequences rest in the hand of the state attorney and whoever reviews the case and what they decide to do.

I am so angry that she would make a decision like this as I truly feel my stepson needs help. And I'm sure he will be ordered to counseling, but it could be months before that happens. We have tried to plea with her and it's just pointless.

Momabearx10 02/17/2018

:( Similar situation here. Apparently this is a long process. 2 months into it here. A month ago the state police said the perp was interviewed and denied all. He said it would go to the DA that week and see what they want to do. A couple weeks later we called and called the state police, 4 emails to CPS and finally got a phone call saying we haven't taken it to the DA yet. UGH. So I feel your pain and anger though. Frustrating and nerve wracking.

I cant fathom what your family is going through. I'm so sorry you all are having to go through this. I can imagine the emotions with the kids some. Mine also is sad to have lost a good friend. And when it gets warmer, seeing each other will inevidable. Unless something is done soon, I got no hope on this one.

I can relate to the wanting your stepson to get the help he needs no matter what. That is how I feel with the kid next door. I hope at the very least, very least, they are made to get help and then the mothers don't have a choice. But I agree sooner than later for peets sake. Who the hell is helping by prolonging this. And same here, when we went to the mother initially and told her what was said, she was all for getting down to why her kid knew how to do this and counseling etcc. She didn't do shit.

Feel free to message me privately. This process is not easy. Hugs to you.

hopefulmama 02/17/2018

I get it,I was close to my sister in law( the abusers mom) and I told her I just wanted him to get counseling and I had no desire to prosecute.She gave me some crap of an explanation that she took him and the therapist said he was sorry and didn't need counseling,please,no therapist would put themselves in a position like that with a child they only met once.I do have to tell you my mother in law hired him a lawyer and he didn't even have to talk to the police.His lawyer is correct in saying his therapist can be called to testify,but it is up to him mom to decide which is best.She is taking a very dangerous path.Unfirtunatly nothing much will probably happen anyway,maybe just therapy.But she is playing with his mental well being.Does anyone even know the reason behind the abuse?Is he safe?Is/was he abused?If you were the judge would you want to know the parent is taking responsibility and getting him help? In my opinion it just looks better.

Momabearx10 02/17/2018

hopefulmama, That's so scary. The mom can be advised to not seek mental help for the kid, I get why I guess, but how does that help.

Momabearx10 02/17/2018

ACN214, Just a thought can your husband take him to a counselor?

ACN214 02/17/2018

I agree that it would look better for him if he was getting help, I actually think it looks bad that he has a lawyer, although I understand as this could potentially get bad legally. Unfortunately, my husband has done everything he can to try and reason with her and there isn't any more he can do at this point. I just hope nothing bad happens while we wait for the legal action to proceed.

Momabearx10 02/17/2018

That's how I feel. I hope its not continuing somewhere else.

CasMac1 02/17/2018

In Canada all therapist and counsellor take an oath, I am sure it is the same in the USA , unless a person is going to harm themselves, ie) suicide or hurt someone else. then everything is kept private. you cannot tell information it breaks the Phia act. which is the personal health information act. I think you need to talk to the Police and DA, about this , something seems wrong. Otherwise these kids could be offended others, every day they are free. My heart goes out to you, I had a hell of a time getting a restraining order against a ex boyfriend. they kept claiming but he's your ex, what's the problem. no matter how dangerous I said he was. I am here for you for support. Casey

CasMac1 02/17/2018

Hi there,
I looked this up online, Look up your state and federal legislation laws. Because all counsellors and therapist have to take oath. They have confidentiality Acts and code of Ethics acts. Plus as long as your spouses are considered legal guardians ,they can take a child to a counsellor or therapist. A mother would have to have total parental rights to stop a father from taking his child to counselling.So if his ex is trying to stop counselling the father has every right to take the child if he has joint custody. you can check about this with your lawyers.
All counsellors and therapist around the world have to use the confidentiality act it just differs some from state to state. I hope this helps you. good luck Casey

FakeFruit 02/18/2018

Nothing about this surprises me and I think it is another example of how our legal system is broken. I think a lawyer that discourages a client (especially a minor) from getting the mental therapy they need in order to help their potential case should be brought before the bar.

hopefulmama 02/18/2018

Exactly fakefruit,he admitted to the act right? No judge is looking to put a child away and throw the book at him.Take responsibility,get therapy and the judge will really have nothing else to do..I agree his dad can take him to therapy if they have joint custody.Perhaps the boys mom is scared something will be discovered? I am an advocate of reporting and justice being served but when it comes to children it's a little different,especially when they own up to what they did.He is screaming for help and if he does not get it I fear what it will do to him.Therapists can be called into court and testify to what was told,even easier if the perp was a child

Bandmom5 02/19/2018

I agree with FakeFruit and hopefulmama, the lawyer did not advise in the best interest of the offender, they are wasting their money. Most court decisions involving minor age offenders are centered around counseling, goals, ongoing assessments, setting up and respecting boundaries regarding the victim, acknowledging accountability, etc., certainly not incarceration and sex offender registry. Since the offender is not denying the allegations, the counselor is bound by confidentiality unless there are other instances or types of child abuse (to him, by him, or to or by someone else) revealed, or if the therapist perceives intentions of self harm or harm to others.

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