Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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whatdididosowrong 05/09/2011

As some may not know, my children were molested by my husband's mother. As my children are safe, my nephew and niece still live with the monster.
Here is a little bit abot the situation. My sister had a child with my brother-in-law. My sister gave her son up at 2 years old and only sees him a few times a year. I have been the mother figure in this childs life since he was born. Until all of this came out I was still seeing this little boy, who is now six, everyday. The day my oldest told me Nana was touching her, she started the conversation with Nana hurts DD. He told her secrets (which she has told.) My sister goes to court to get visitation rights on May 19th. She could care less about seeing him, she is doing it for us. The little boy is going to stay with this monster and my sister just wants to visit him once a month. I feel that it is my duty to him to keep him safe the same as my own children. It kills me inside to even think about the pain that D feels. It hurts for my children, too, but is different they are here with me and are safe.
If my sister does get visitation what can I do. I have drove my self crazy. I so want to purchase a hidden camera or voice recorder and put it in something that he will take home and not say a word to any one. Is this wrong of me? Help me out, please. I will go to this exterme if nothing else keeps this little boy safe.

deleted_user 05/09/2011

It all depends on your state's laws, but I know in Texas, that is illegal and anything recorded that way is inadmissable. Parents get away with Nanny Cams because they are used in their own homes. And the only way you can record a conversation is if you are actually part of the conversation. That may be helpful when talking to your own child about what she saw happen to your nephew. What about anonymously reporting the abuse to law enforcement? Is there a crime-stopper number you can call? Is there a state-wide CPS number you can call to report the abuse, but also state that MIL is friends with the CPS investigator so it will be covered up unless investigated by someone else? What about your sister? Does she know what has happened?

I wish I had more advice, more answers. My heart breaks for you. I'll continue to pray for your situation.

mommaKL 05/09/2011

Praying you get some help to get him safe. Is your sister not wanting to get him back? Are they not doing anything to your MIL? Crazy!! Hugs for you.

deleted_user 05/09/2011

Thinking about brokensun's excellent suggestion -

I googled and found http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/reslist/rl_dsp.cfm?rs_id=5&rate_chno=11-11172 . It has hotlines where you can report suspected child abuse for each state.

Might be worth giving a try? I can't even imagine what it's like to be in your shoes. I'll be thinking of and praying for you.

whatdididosowrong 05/09/2011

My nephew's discloser to my daughter was dismissed because when he was asked about it the CPS worker asked him with the grandmother present. Like he was going to say anything. The school reported him saying that he was able to see girls naked and they was able to see him naked. But yet again the same CPS worker said that it was not true. I feel like my head is in a vise I see his little face so sad. It just sickens me to think they have left this little boy to suffer because they thought I reported out of spite. My sister does know about the abuse and chooses to do nothing. She lives with a convicted sex offender, if she was to believe this she would have to leave him. I am sorry about the rambling but my heart is torn, my children are torn because the cannot see him. They have grown with eachother since birth and do not understand why if it was so right to tell the secret, why does it feel so wrong. All I can say is if this little boy ever gets the courage to tell his story the CPS worker better hold her feet up! After the hell she has caused in her laughing in my families face she will pay dearly. Then both her superviser and the district superviser helped her with the paperwork to cover her job, I just do not get people. How do they sleep knowing the truth.

deleted_user 05/09/2011

For starters, get an appointment with the supervisor of the CPS investigator. In most jurisdictions, children are not to be interviewed with the accused person present. Also, write to the District or States Attorney's office directly. Explain the situation. While things usually go through CPS or DCF or what ever your particular state calls it, they are not the only ones allowed to investigate.

whatdididosowrong 05/11/2011

I want to thank all of you! You gave me the strenth to do this the "legal" way. Yesterday I had a meeting with the ombudman's office and have gotten the same advice as you all have shared. She is even going to help me with the writing the "professional" letter. I told my daughter the news yesterday, she said mom I knew you would not give up. This killed and made me smile all at the same time. I will keep you all updated after I hear! {{{hugs}}}

annholly 05/12/2011

Good for you what!!!! Someone has to stand up for these kids and it looks like your it!! I pray for great strength and courage for you and that you get the help you need for these kids. This CPS person should not have a job protecting children, its sickening. I dont know what your situation is, but could you fight for custody of your neice and nephew? Hang in there, you sound like a fighter!!! H

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