I have gained fifty pounds since Sept. I have been to the hairdresser once and my pedicure has completely grown out from the last one in Aug. Letâs not even talk about how long my hair is on my legs. I told my mom, when she complains about my growing size, either I eat or I lose my mind, you choose! In addition I love to say, "I use to work on looking good now I am working on my personality!"

In reality, I learned through a research paper last semester what stress can do to our bodies. Because of the stress we have experienced we have a rise in particular hormones that causes us to hold on to weight. Our body is experiencing stress, our brain is receives the messages and in response the brain sends out messages to protect the body from the possible dangers. One message is to store fat. Another is to thicken the blood so be careful of cholesterol. It is a elementary way our brain protects us but it is not fun when my jeans donât fit any more.

Battle scares for now but keep telling yourself how beautiful you are, I donât have to see you because what I know from chatting you are exquisite!

Oooohhhhh, wow, I feel better already. Thank you. It feels amazing to not be so alone in anything I'm going through. Thank you.

I'm with you both!!! Here's a quick rundown of the last 2 years. March 08, I quit smoking, then had my gall bladder out, went to New Orleans for work and ended up with an infection in my foot. In turn, I ended up losing a toe (could have been worse, could have been the whole foot!) and was in a wheelchair and had 4 surgeries on that foot (including the amputation) and a groshong (an iv inserted in my chest for daily iv antibiotics) and of course, that's when the abuse stopped, because I was home and he couldn't do it anymore and I was laid up on the couch (or in the wheelchair) for months. Couldn't help but gain weight!!! I moved out in October 08, before I even knew about the abuse. I was just unhappy and I knew he was worthless to begin with, not even starting on what was going on with my daughter! Of course, found out in November about the abuse and the weight has packed on ever since. I have gained 150 pounds since my gall bladder was out and that's been 2 years. I'm desperately trying to get it off. It's endangering my life and I don't want her to see it as "normal". My diabetes was in pretty good check before this but damn, what a difference one "waste of oxygen" (that's what I like to call them) can do to a person's life and family! Ok, now that I've ranted and raved....sorry, that's just a touchy subject but you got me going! Thank you!!!

Well maybe we should consider starting another group Carb Loving, Over Weight Parents Whose children have been sexually abused. (hehe that's a joke)

Seriously Kymom1974 Ouch! Man I am so sorry! Do you think the abuse would have stopped if all that didn't happen?

We have overcome so much I think it is a matter of time and this too shall pass or pass the brownies... One or the other :)

Oh yes, superficial maybe, the truth, really! I pass a mirror and think...who IS that woman? Fact is, I gained a lot of weight, then lost a lot of weight, but overall, it is the stress lines, the worries lines, and just the overall lack of anything happy that shows.

I used to be a woman that lit up the room just with a smile. Now, I am happy if I get someone to say something funny enough to make me smile at all.

Sometimes, alone at night, in what I only wish would be my dreams, I see myself smiling, laughing, dancing...just happiness. Some part of me knows it's out there, somewhere, but I would love to know where the hell it's at?

The worst part, I know it effects the kids even more. They already feel so responsible and then they also feel responsible for MY happiness. I got my hair done, was feeling good the other day. Even though I can't afford anything, took the kids to the mall just to walk around, do something. We had such a great night. Everyone was in such a good mood. I asked them, why such a good mood tonight, and my daughter looked at me and said, "mom, you're happy, so are we". It almost devastated me. My kids have been through hell on this earth, things I cannot even comprehend and they are looking after me, worrying about me, feeling me.

I remember on the way to the police interview telling my daughter that God has a reason for everything and a plan, even if we don't see it right away, even if we never do...how can I tell her this, if I don't live it?

My kids, they are so strong, such miracles. They teach me about who I want to be. So, stress lines, worry wrinkles be damned, pounds gained, pounds lost, I need to show my kids what happiness really is and practice what I try to instill in them.

Hugs to all of you....Kae

I agree with you, Kae!!! My daughter's the same way! I was really self conscious about the way my foot looked after my surgeries and wear socks all the time and one night, my daughter asked if she could put lotion on my feet. I was really unsure but I finally agreed. Then she started tickling my feet and just giggling at the laughter coming from me, said that's why she wanted to do it, because it had been so long since I just laughed and she wanted to make me laugh. It's amazing what kids can teach us!

And no, Momwhohurts...I don't think it would have stopped. God put me in that specific place at that specific time for that specific reason. It had to stop. That was my reason for losing my toe. I could have lost a lot more.

Yes ... I very rarely look at myself in the mirror or allow my pic to be taken but the other day I did and I was shocked. It has been a year since my world as I knew it was flipped upside down. Last week the monster that did this to my little girl was sentenced to 25 yrs to life. Somehow it just didn't seem like enough. He is 71 and has to serve 25 yrs before a chance for parole. So, I know that he will die in there but in the back of my head there is that doubt that he will get out on appeal. Motherduck, yes I also don't recognize myself either.

OMG, thank you so much everyone. I feel like we are all doing the EXACT same things. Everything you are all writing is the SAME as what is happening in my home.

Can I just say I came here to review the posts today? I read Motherduck's journal, Kae's writing about shame and now all the posts here. It made me cry. Not because I was sad but because I am in ah of all of you. Not only that, I didn't feel alone in my tears. It was like a happy reunion at a horrific event. Ladies you are amazing!

I'm with you, Momwhohurts. I hate that everyone is having to deal with this type of tragedy, but I'm so relieved to know that I'm not alone. It means so much to me. Especially today. . . exactly 1 year since my daughter told me what happened. :'o(

I too have aged ungracefully. In only one year, I am up 65 pounds. I am beginning to think the dark circles under my eyes are a permanent fixture now. My gray hairs are shining bright while the rest of my hair has turned dull and brittle. I am battling adult acne, and my thyroid and other hormones are so out of sorts. My husband has started having heart trouble at only 38 years old. It definately affects our children. They were so used to us playing with them and running around outside with them. Now we are both just too tired. I used to tell people "you dropped it", and when they asked what, I would say "your smile!". My youngest was looking in bookshelves and under the couch the other day. When I asked her what she was looking for, she said "Your smile. It's lost."

I hear you, Broken Sun. It is sad that this has affected so many and that it's going to continue to affect so many due to our crap laws. I think that's what makes me so angry...so much could be prevented!