There is so much understandably overwhelming pain in this group. I think it brings a lot of hope to everyone to hear something good and hopeful. I am just a couple of weeks away from 5 years since our call to the child abuse hotline. It was my mother's birthday and although I walked in and personally discovered the abuse, it was mother that my daughter and son opened up to (as we fled to her house) because they were more embarrassed talking with me as their mom and more comfortable giving her the details. I am so sorry that my mother's birthday was tainted by that day. I thought I would post a little update and a few thoughts that I hope will give home to others here.

We are doing okay. We still have issues that pop up. My daughter is doing well. She has her first boyfriend now and that's kind of scary to me, but they are taking things really slowly. My son is having a few problems at school and there are days that I feel like I am fighting the school system because they have no understanding really for children that have a "history" and stick to the same rules and procedures, no matter that it may not be what the child needs at that time.

There are some issues and there will always be some issues. Abuse is life changing. So many times, I mourn what could have been. We were all robbed of that. Sometimes, I think about what our lives would have been like had this not happened to us.

And then I look at us now and I see things that I am not sure would have been had we not gone through this together. My daughter talks to me about everything. She discusses with me kids at school doing drugs, talks with me about friends who are having sex, tells me about her conflicted feelings about her own sexuality. My son shares his anger, at me, at his dad, at life. He tells me of his frustration with not fitting in at school and feeling singled out by teachers. There is a level of closeness and trust between us now that I think is rarely found between a teenager and a parent.

I can look each day at our devastation of a few years ago and see how much we have grown together, found strength and progressed under the worst of horrors. It has been a struggle, is a struggle and will continue to be a struggle. But, what we have found is also something amazing and special and real.

I would give anything to be able to turn back time and to save my children from this pain. But, I would not trade what we have gained, either. I remember as life was falling apart after the disclosure and everything that could go wrong was going wrong - I lost everything we had including my employment, everything was breaking (water heater, car, DVD player), our house was robbed, and people telling me that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I remember thinking back then that God was seriously overestimating me! There was so much pain and so much anger.

Now, the kids and I are able to look back and find a little bit of humor about how we had just been through the trial, the house had been robbed a few weeks back and the hot water heater burst and how I was standing up over my ankles in water with the shop vac trying to save the flooded house, and I was just half crying/half laughing hysterically and in truth, quite hopelessly.

There is hope, always, in faith and love.