My son is 17 years old and has been in a downward spiral for the last couple of years. I have suspected he was doing drugs. He has been acting out - getting expelled from school last year and this year rebelling against his father and I and stealing. I had tried to get him in counseling but he refused to go. One day a couple of months ago he had a melt down while we were arguing in the car. I told him that he picks on his younger brother too much and that it isn't fair for his brother to have to live with someone constantly "bullying" him. I told him he didn't have to grow up like that and neither should his brother. He responded with so much anger and started crying and telling me that no one had to grow up with what he grew up with... that his brother never had to deal with what he had to deal with and that I didn't even know because I was dumb. He was quite hysterical and I kept asking him what he was talking about. He just kept on saying you don't even know what happened to me. I asked several more times and he just shut down and told me to leave him alone. I pulled the car over and I very calmly told him that i loved him very much and I wanted to know what he was talking about. He wouldn't say it but asked him if someone hurt him and he said yes. I asked him a series of questions that he said yes or no to. He refused to talk too much, but admitted to me he was raped. After he spoke that he refused to give me any more detail. I cried and hugged him and stopped asking questions because he was getting hysterical again and did not want to talk anymore about it.
Now, a few months later he has gotten into legal trouble. Still acting out still self destructing. I finally got him into drug counseling. However, he still refuses to discuss the rape. He will not tell me who or when. About 3 weeks ago he took some pills and was acting seriously out of control. I tried to have him admitted somewhere and no one would take him. I tried to get community service board involved and they said he didn't meet criteria for admission. This particular evening dragged on with him being erratic and out of control. The following morning I called emergency services and eventually took him to a hospital. They still said he didn't meet criteria and refused to admit him. On the way home he had another emotional meltdown and this time he told his father that everything was basically his fault because he allowed his own son to be hurt by a friend. He screamed and cried and told us he hated us. His father was crying, I was crying. It was horrible. He was freaking out so bad I called the police because he said he was going to leave and we wouldn't see him again. The police came and said he wasn't doing anything wrong and they couldn't do anything. I just wanted them to have him evaluated. I called the community service board emergency number and they agreed to meet us at the hospital. They did a brief evaluation through a questionaire and sent us home. He did not meet criteria to be admitted.
Here is the thing that is killing my husband and I - someone hurt our son, someone we consider a friend and allowed around him. Someone did this when he was younger because it was before we moved. We moved when he went into 5th grade. Everyday all day it consumes us. We are going crazy literally. My husband can't sleep and started having anxiety attacks. I am slipping into depression. Our son has all this hurt and won't get help. In the meantime we have court coming up and he could get sent away. It is so overwhelming and I don't know wht to do. I want to know who did this to him. Everyone is a suspect! I don't want his life ruined. I don't want him to be damaged goods. Can I tell the counselors what he told me? Does that break his trust in me and hurt him more? I feel hopeless. I am so sad he has endured this. He was such a sweet, loving boy. How could somene do this to him? I feel like they have destroyed him.