Hi Arfie, as far as I can tell, none of the forums for estranged parents are all that active on DS now. At one point, they were very active. Then I think various "experts" started FB forums, a big group on here moved off and opened their own website called something like walk away and even that one is not active. The main "experts" now charge a monthly fee for their forums which help to promote their books, etc. Not necessarily a bad thing, but how it is.

Like you, one of our estrangements began with refusing to give an adult child money or free reign over our house (parties all night long in our house when we were normal working people needing sleep and on and on). The other estranged children (EC) were manipulated by their dad, my ex, with his parental alienation. Sometimes I have some contact, and sometimes we have none, and one is back in relationship although same old personality issues with that one. This on and off contact is sometimes called "semi-estrangement". Mine has been going on for a long time and there are resources for healing for parents if one wants that.

Sometimes parents are angry, sometimes they are very depressed, sometimes they will do anything to fix or change or make amends. Writing an amends letter to the EC is the big thing right now among the "experts". This can fit some situations and won't fit others, which is the problem with one size fits all advice. There is a cultural thing of cut the toxic people out of your life which feeds into estrangements. A researcher in the USA has calculated that 27% of USA families experience some kind of estrangement, in the UK that is 25% of families. But this means non-nuclear families, so could be an estranged cousin from your aunt or uncle, your parents estranged from your grandparents, your uncle estranged from your dad, or your own adult child estranged from you. We are not alone.

I have a lot of resources, books, etc. if you need something more. I hope others will respond to you. Most people on here write and then disappear, much like the rest of DS. A sign of the times, perhaps.

wow. somehow i missed all that talk. i know plenty of estranged parents, but i thought the topic was too unpopular to attract "experts" and even my brothers and sisters-in-healing who are estranged from their adult children aren't talking about it much.

in my own case, estrangement is the only sacred tradition on both branches of the family tree. my grandparents were estranged from their parents, my parents were estranged from their parents. cousins? aunts? uncles? i learned about those in sociology class. my estranged son never made it as far as sociology class, so he might not have learned about extended family yet.

Just after I retired, my son called me one day and said "I asked my girlfriend to marry me but I don't have money for an engagement ring". I was totally surprised and went to Google, eventually finding out that giving money to adult children is a bad idea, they just come back for more and when the money runs out they won't stick around". I told my son that I had retired on a budget and the budget didn't have any room for engagement rings. He bought her a ring that he could afford but she wasn't too impressed with it. Eventually after me getting mad at my son and saying some awful things to him, he ended contact with me, and said that he deserved better. It's been 12 years since he said Goodbye and I don't have any contact with them. My son was a hard worker and before he met this woman he had been a good saver, this girl used to spend on all kinds of things and give him the bills. It has taken me a while to get over the no contact thing, I have just focused on my own life and left them to their own. A few years ago I was robbed of my jewelery, the thief left behind a necklace that my son had bought me for Christmas, I don't know if it was my son and his wife behind the theft, I thought that a regular thief would just take everything. I have another girlfriend who hasn't seen her son for years, he too was always asking for money and when she refused she never heard back from him. There are people who are the bank of Mom and Dad and pay for all kinds of things for their adult children, I think they should be self sufficient and stop asking parents for things they should sacrifice for or save up for. Good luck,

yea, that old mom and pop atm --matm and patm-- routine gets old in a hurry. i was guilty of just doling out the cash on request for entirely too many years.

It starts in school this estrangement and seems like our society has labelled people now too. Narcissism being one i hear a lot of. My eldest daughter decided she was too busy to see me and has been for almost a year now. I do not see my grandson anymore because of what ever she has going on in her mind and its hard but what can we do but try and live our lives with some semblance of happiness. Its a different world out there now where family means not much anymore. Its a sad world too. I was brought up believing family was important but the new generations don't think so while they sit on their cell phones or computer games