Parents of estranged adult children Community Group

One or more of our adult children walked out of our lives and never looked back.

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AreYouKidding 05/10/2021

Hi folks! What an epiphany! I just realized I had not one thought all Mother's Day of my estranged adult son of over 14 years (he 51 now...me almost 70). Not until the morning after did I give a thought to the matter. I had a lovely day. I gardened. I spoke and texted friends. I laughed with my other children, and didn't think to burden them with my issue, (or should I say their bother's issue). Time has indeed heald this wound.

Looking from outerspace now I realize I am so much better off with the estrangment. What type of twisted, broken, insensitive person would cut-ties with their own Mother? Who would wage-war with the person who gave them life, cared for them as an infant, taught them, encouraged them, housed them, fed them, clothed them? Someone you can not trust as you grow old and become more fragile.

I am quite sure I was not the "best" mother on this earth but I was pretty-darn-good. I am so happy I have come this far on my journey that the pain is not defining me.

I spent time on this site years ago. What pain I had at that time. Not any more. Just keep your head high folks. Keep your pride intact. If you have an adult child with a screw-loose you can't fix that. You now must Mother (or Father) yourself and enjoy your life without the added complication of a nasty, miserable, angry, thankless, insensitive, unemotional adult person (former child) in your life.

Cheers and Happy Mother's Day!

urbangardener 05/11/2021

This site has gotten slower, I don't know why. It used to have a lot of people on it but maybe there are other forums online that serve the same need?

I think your point of moving forward and letting go is a valid one. It seems wasteful of our lives to be so caught up and damaged by the actions of our unhappy adult children. You give good advice.

jannytheresa 05/16/2021

I have just joined, lol. I promise I'll keep things hopping. I only learned about this group from another group. I think that parents are being estranged more than ever. Without making any assumptions, I am wondering if part of it is generational (i.e., it's all about me). Anxious to be a part of this group as I have just gone through a traumatic experience. My love for my own mother, who is gone, had guided me in providing unconditional love for my (daughter figure of 23 years). Though there were times that I pulled back from my mom I would never have done to her what was done to me. I knew that love was what held us together no matter what.

urbangardener 05/17/2021

Welcome Jannytheresa, this is a good place for peer to peer support. Feel free to start your own thread if you would like. I am not sure if this forum is any more active than the other forum - it was me that posted these links on the family issues group. The problem with some of the other forums that don't pertain to estranged adult children is that many people have no idea what this phenomenon actually is. They tend to blame the parents or say "just apologize" or "write the amends letter" - they don't understand what is going on. At one point, there seems to have been many many forums for estranged parents. I am going to copy and paste the two links to the two forums that I have found to be most active, which is still very slow. Feel free to maybe even post the same thing on both forums and we'll see what response you get.

I post this for anyone else interested:
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/parents-of-estranged-adult-children
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/parent-of-estranged-adult-children

jannytheresa 05/26/2021

Hi
Thanks for your thoughtful post. I am really struggling right now, I wrote a post today, but I know that this site is not very active.
I feel the same as you. How could someone....?
I loved my mom so much and miss her everyday. I could never
hurt her the way that I've been maliciously hurt. I am physically sick over what's been done to me.

MOM4life 06/13/2021

Very new here, you give me real hope.. Im going on year three of estrangement from my only daughter, Im totally in it now, everyday I question myself.

BunBun 07/25/2021

Well, join the club.

DoneBeingAVictim 08/22/2021

I agree! What kind of person decides to cut off a parent who did nothing but place them ahead of themselves for 22 years? I ask myself what kind of adult did my daughter grow up to be? What makes her decide to hurt her own mother? To be so cruel? Do I even trust her or respect her? I see so much in her that creates doubt that we can resume a relationship. She insists she needs an apology. What about her apologizing? These adult children livd in LALA Land.

DoneBeingAVictim 08/22/2021

None of us would have done this to our mothers. Today, children are encouraged to discard people. They have no communication skills b/c they’re addicted to social media and they have little interaction. They become strangers to us and to themselves.

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