Kimho, you are not failing your child. You are doing a wonderful job loving your daughter and pushing hard to make things easier for her. It's a bummer that the school system isn't supporting you or her needs like it should, but that's what happens when funding gets cut and they try to mainstream everyone (which is what happened in our system). There are a lot of square pegs that simply do not fit round holes. The system does not work like clockwork because the cogs are of different sizes and different notches.
From growing up with ADD, I can tell you that who you are dealing with and how they deal with you can make a big difference on performance. Pushing harder sometimes simply means more likely to fail, and self esteem to drop, and the infamous self-destructive "ADDitude" comes out, simply because no matter how hard you try, you can't succeed, you're never good enough, you're always the weird one out...I could go on, but sitting in a pile of negative thinking only breeds more negative, and it's time to start focusing on the positive things.
The teachers and neighbors who chose to see the positive potential and brag about me were the ones I was most likely to perform best for - even turning around D's and F's to A's and B's. When you do get a chance to go to an IEP meeting, bring that with you, and be sure to discuss it with the teacher.
Another option is to consider a charter school, which some school systems will pay for if the child does have a diagnosis and an IEP. The right charter school will have teachers specially trained in special education and smaller classroom sizes.
My experience with meds is, more doesn't help for long. I was on ritalin growing up, and they kept upping the dose until I was taking twice the recommended maximum dosage for my size/weight limit. Because it's an appetite suppressant, I was about 22 lbs underweight when I stopped taking it in the 7th grade. My boys were on and off Concerta until about 6th grade, when each decided they would rather self-manage. My older son had every side effect imaginable to deal with, and for a while had to take clonidine to help him sleep at night. The teachers preferred he be on it to make him fit in the classroom, but truth be told, he needed a classroom that could fit to him.
The good news about ADHD is, all the stuff that is instantly being forgotten now is probably being simply lost in the endless clutter in her head, and will reawaken someday. I have astounded my own family with childhood memories long buried. Sorry for the long reply - I get carried away sometimes.

Did the hydroxyzine seem to help any?my 6. Yr old is on tenex and they just added hydroxyzine and it's been 3 days and I am not noticing anything as far as a reduction in outbursts..

I'm so sorry. We had to hire an educational advocate to help us with the iep bc they always drag it out. U need help and having someone fighting for u and ur child will take some of the pressure off u while providing u all the info U need to help ur daughter. -it's so hard. And no one gets it unless hey live with it. Good luck.

I know how you feel hun. My son is now 12 and has ADHD. He was in public school for 2 years, then homeschooled for 2 and then back to public school. When he was in the public school here after we moved, he was doing ok at first. Then he started failing two subjects. I started asking for meetings to see what was going on and what could be done. He was in the 4th grade. Towards the end of the school year we had another meeting. They said that they would request for him to be tested by the school and I would to sign the paper to do the test when they got it. I told them that was fine, even if it was in the summer time we would be there for the test. We waited and waited for months. When the school started again, he was put back in the 4th grade since he failed it. After the first report card came home and he was still failing the same two subjects, I was on the phone with the school, the school board asking for answers to why he hasn't been tested yet and what was taking so long. I also started looking into other schools for him in my area. I ended up going with a homeschool in my area that has a campus about 45 mins from me. The day that I went to the school to pick him up early from school to get his things that he took on the first day of school, well what he could get of his supplies, they had the paper for me to sign for the test, after 7 months. I grabbed my sons bag and walked out of the school and never been back.

My other child was tested by the school board and I haven't had on problem with him in school with his IEP or anything. He has a learning disability, speech delay, almost blind in one eye, autistic. He is in the general class room and gets pulled everyday for some one on one help with speech.

My neighbor has had the same problems I have had. She has one child that she has no questions asked about what he needs with school and his IEP. But her other child she is fighting with the school to get her some help and has already failed kindergarten.

I think it is crazy how the schools are now days with kids. Its like if you don't do one little thing that they like then don't want to help. I mean, these are kids that need help and when you go do what you can for your child, they don't want to hear it. Kids are having trouble in school and they need help and we just try our best to work with the school. Its not easy on anyone of us that's going through this. Its hard.

Don't give up. Here if you want to talk.

It's been a while, but my daughter was also diagnosed with ADHD, She was also placed on meds and she lost a lot of weight. I found that my daughter handled this better because we helped her understand the medicine was just an aid; but she was still responsible for her actions. For my daughter it actually empowered her and made her want to "destroy the beast" that is what she called it.
As parents we pushed; just as you, to get our daughter assistance. Don't stop and continue to support her. It always seems worse before it gets better:)

I would highly recommend getting an advocate too, or going to a higher authority or contacting the school districts main board. I was lucky and the school was ready to help me when my daughter destroyed the principals office after an outburst. Good luck.