I know what you mean about feeling like something deep inside has torn. The fact is that your son is not and will never be the same baby boy that he was before he chose this tragic role to play, and this knowledge does feel like a tear in the heart. In fact, I daresay he hasn't been the same boy for a long while. And nothing you do will be able to change him. Instead it will have to be you who changes. Everything about the way you deal with him, communicate with him, think of him, in short, everything about your relationship will have to change, even the nature of the love you feel for him. I too have gone through a similar process with my 25 year-old heroin-addicted son. It's been over a year since I've been working on my recovery from this awful blow to everything I thought I knew about parenting and family dynamics. I'm only just beginning to understand the concept of detaching. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to learn to do, and yet, it's going to be the key to my sanity and to his chance at recovery. As long as I stand in his way, ready to pick him up when he falls, ready to smooth his path when it gets rocky, there will be no progress for him. I know that now. But it doesn't make it any easier because that's what we moms do and have done for our kids since they were born. Yet this is different. This is life and death, and his life will depend on learning to navigate through life solo without us rescuing them at every turn. You should get past the sadness and depression soon. When these pass, begin focusing on strengthening your resolve to stop the enabling and building a path forward in your relationship with your son, different but positive. As far as letting him into your heart: he's probably always been there; it's your trust you will need to guard. And for the first time in my life, I have realized they are two different feelings and not at all dependent on each other. Good luck and stay strong.

I know what you mean about feeling like something deep inside has torn. The fact is that your son is not and will never be the same baby boy that he was before he chose this tragic role to play, and this knowledge does feel like a tear in the heart. In fact, I daresay he hasn't been the same boy for a long while. And nothing you do will be able to change him. Instead it will have to be you who changes. Everything about the way you deal with him, communicate with him, think of him, in short, everything about your relationship will have to change, even the nature of the love you feel for him. I too have gone through a similar process with my 25 year-old heroin-addicted son. It's been over a year since I've been working on my recovery from this awful blow to everything I thought I knew about parenting and family dynamics. I'm only just beginning to understand the concept of detaching. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to learn to do, and yet, it's going to be the key to my sanity and to his chance at recovery. As long as I stand in his way, ready to pick him up when he falls, ready to smooth his path when it gets rocky, there will be no progress for him. I know that now. But it doesn't make it any easier because that's what we moms do and have done for our kids since they were born. Yet this is different. This is life and death, and his life will depend on learning to navigate through life solo without us rescuing them at every turn. You should get past the sadness and depression soon. When these pass, begin focusing on strengthening your resolve to stop the enabling and building a path forward in your relationship with your son, different but positive. As far as letting him into your heart: he's probably always been there; it's your trust you will need to guard. And for the first time in my life, I have realized they are two different feelings and not at all dependent on each other. Good luck and stay strong.

I know what you mean about feeling like something deep inside has torn. The fact is that your son is not and will never be the same baby boy that he was before he chose this tragic role to play, and this knowledge does feel like a tear in the heart. In fact, I daresay he hasn't been the same boy for a long while. And nothing you do will be able to change him. Instead it will have to be you who changes. Everything about the way you deal with him, communicate with him, think of him, in short, everything about your relationship will have to change, even the nature of the love you feel for him. I too have gone through a similar process with my 25 year-old heroin-addicted son. It's been over a year since I've been working on my recovery from this awful blow to everything I thought I knew about parenting and family dynamics. I'm only just beginning to understand the concept of detaching. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to learn to do, and yet, it's going to be the key to my sanity and to his chance at recovery. As long as I stand in his way, ready to pick him up when he falls, ready to smooth his path when it gets rocky, there will be no progress for him. I know that now. But it doesn't make it any easier because that's what we moms do and have done for our kids since they were born. Yet this is different. This is life and death, and his life will depend on learning to navigate through life solo without us rescuing them at every turn. You should get past the sadness and depression soon. When these pass, begin focusing on strengthening your resolve to stop the enabling and building a path forward in your relationship with your son, different but positive. As far as letting him into your heart: he's probably always been there; it's your trust you will need to guard. And for the first time in my life, I have realized they are two different feelings and not at all dependent on each other. Good luck and stay strong.

I know what you mean about feeling like something deep inside has torn. The fact is that your son is not and will never be the same baby boy that he was before he chose this tragic role to play, and this knowledge does feel like a tear in the heart. In fact, I daresay he hasn't been the same boy for a long while. And nothing you do will be able to change him. Instead it will have to be you who changes. Everything about the way you deal with him, communicate with him, think of him, in short, everything about your relationship will have to change, even the nature of the love you feel for him. I too have gone through a similar process with my 25 year-old heroin-addicted son. It's been over a year since I've been working on my recovery from this awful blow to everything I thought I knew about parenting and family dynamics. I'm only just beginning to understand the concept of detaching. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to learn to do, and yet, it's going to be the key to my sanity and to his chance at recovery. As long as I stand in his way, ready to pick him up when he falls, ready to smooth his path when it gets rocky, there will be no progress for him. I know that now. But it doesn't make it any easier because that's what we moms do and have done for our kids since they were born. Yet this is different. This is life and death, and his life will depend on learning to navigate through life solo without us rescuing them at every turn. You should get past the sadness and depression soon. When these pass, begin focusing on strengthening your resolve to stop the enabling and building a path forward in your relationship with your son, different but positive. As far as letting him into your heart: he's probably always been there; it's your trust you will need to guard. And for the first time in my life, I have realized they are two different feelings and not at all dependent on each other. Good luck and stay strong.

I know what you mean about feeling like something deep inside has torn. The fact is that your son is not and will never be the same baby boy that he was before he chose this tragic role to play, and this knowledge does feel like a tear in the heart. In fact, I daresay he hasn't been the same boy for a long while. And nothing you do will be able to change him. Instead it will have to be you who changes. Everything about the way you deal with him, communicate with him, think of him, in short, everything about your relationship will have to change, even the nature of the love you feel for him. I too have gone through a similar process with my 25 year-old heroin-addicted son. It's been over a year since I've been working on my recovery from this awful blow to everything I thought I knew about parenting and family dynamics. I'm only just beginning to understand the concept of detaching. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to learn to do, and yet, it's going to be the key to my sanity and to his chance at recovery. As long as I stand in his way, ready to pick him up when he falls, ready to smooth his path when it gets rocky, there will be no progress for him. I know that now. But it doesn't make it any easier because that's what we moms do and have done for our kids since they were born. Yet this is different. This is life and death, and his life will depend on learning to navigate through life solo without us rescuing them at every turn. You should get past the sadness and depression soon. When these pass, begin focusing on strengthening your resolve to stop the enabling and building a path forward in your relationship with your son, different but positive. As far as letting him into your heart: he's probably always been there; it's your trust you will need to guard. And for the first time in my life, I have realized they are two different feelings and not at all dependent on each other. Good luck and stay strong.

I know what you mean about feeling like something deep inside has torn. The fact is that your son is not and will never be the same baby boy that he was before he chose this tragic role to play, and this knowledge does feel like a tear in the heart. In fact, I daresay he hasn't been the same boy for a long while. And nothing you do will be able to change him. Instead it will have to be you who changes. Everything about the way you deal with him, communicate with him, think of him, in short, everything about your relationship will have to change, even the nature of the love you feel for him. I too have gone through a similar process with my 25 year-old heroin-addicted son. It's been over a year since I've been working on my recovery from this awful blow to everything I thought I knew about parenting and family dynamics. I'm only just beginning to understand the concept of detaching. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to learn to do, and yet, it's going to be the key to my sanity and to his chance at recovery. As long as I stand in his way, ready to pick him up when he falls, ready to smooth his path when it gets rocky, there will be no progress for him. I know that now. But it doesn't make it any easier because that's what we moms do and have done for our kids since they were born. Yet this is different. This is life and death, and his life will depend on learning to navigate through life solo without us rescuing them at every turn. You should get past the sadness and depression soon. When these pass, begin focusing on strengthening your resolve to stop the enabling and building a path forward in your relationship with your son, different but positive. As far as letting him into your heart: he's probably always been there; it's your trust you will need to guard. And for the first time in my life, I have realized they are two different feelings and not at all dependent on each other. Good luck and stay strong.

I know what you mean about feeling like something deep inside has torn. The fact is that your son is not and will never be the same baby boy that he was before he chose this tragic role to play, and this knowledge does feel like a tear in the heart. In fact, I daresay he hasn't been the same boy for a long while. And nothing you do will be able to change him. Instead it will have to be you who changes. Everything about the way you deal with him, communicate with him, think of him, in short, everything about your relationship will have to change, even the nature of the love you feel for him. I too have gone through a similar process with my 25 year-old heroin-addicted son. It's been over a year since I've been working on my recovery from this awful blow to everything I thought I knew about parenting and family dynamics. I'm only just beginning to understand the concept of detaching. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to learn to do, and yet, it's going to be the key to my sanity and to his chance at recovery. As long as I stand in his way, ready to pick him up when he falls, ready to smooth his path when it gets rocky, there will be no progress for him. I know that now. But it doesn't make it any easier because that's what we moms do and have done for our kids since they were born. Yet this is different. This is life and death, and his life will depend on learning to navigate through life solo without us rescuing them at every turn. You should get past the sadness and depression soon. When these pass, begin focusing on strengthening your resolve to stop the enabling and building a path forward in your relationship with your son, different but positive. As far as letting him into your heart: he's probably always been there; it's your trust you will need to guard. And for the first time in my life, I have realized they are two different feelings and not at all dependent on each other. Good luck and stay strong.

I know what you mean about feeling like something deep inside has torn. The fact is that your son is not and will never be the same baby boy that he was before he chose this tragic role to play, and this knowledge does feel like a tear in the heart. In fact, I daresay he hasn't been the same boy for a long while. And nothing you do will be able to change him. Instead it will have to be you who changes. Everything about the way you deal with him, communicate with him, think of him, in short, everything about your relationship will have to change, even the nature of the love you feel for him. I too have gone through a similar process with my 25 year-old heroin-addicted son. It's been over a year since I've been working on my recovery from this awful blow to everything I thought I knew about parenting and family dynamics. I'm only just beginning to understand the concept of detaching. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to learn to do, and yet, it's going to be the key to my sanity and to his chance at recovery. As long as I stand in his way, ready to pick him up when he falls, ready to smooth his path when it gets rocky, there will be no progress for him. I know that now. But it doesn't make it any easier because that's what we moms do and have done for our kids since they were born. Yet this is different. This is life and death, and his life will depend on learning to navigate through life solo without us rescuing them at every turn. You should get past the sadness and depression soon. When these pass, begin focusing on strengthening your resolve to stop the enabling and building a path forward in your relationship with your son, different but positive. As far as letting him into your heart: he's probably always been there; it's your trust you will need to guard. And for the first time in my life, I have realized they are two different feelings and not at all dependent on each other. Good luck and stay strong.

Right now I am spending a lot of energy confronting the illness. It makes it hard to see the young man he is, or was. I know I HAVE to pay attention to his illness - and it IS life or death. But I would rather wallow in the past or let my vision stay blurred and rosy. You are right - this process is one of confronting myself as much as him.

Together we can support each other, share our experiences, strengths and hopes.
I've been dealing with my son's alcoholism and mental illness for a very long time.
However, I've decided I CAN be happy regardless of what my son does or doesn't do. It took time
to get to this point and I will not go back.

I know what you mean and how you feel. Sometimes I have felt like giving up to. But you have other people who need you. Keep looking towards better days, focus on the good, not the bad. I try not to get overwhelmed. Sometimes I lay in bed and think I don't want to get out and I think even though things are bad, I will make the best of it. Sounds like depression is setting in, try to get some counseling, that can be very helpful.

i didn't get out of bed 2day, do the laundry or cook dinner. i have 2 daughters instead of sons . oldest daughter is 29 addicted to alcohol and uses pretty much anything she can get her hands on. the more i find out that she's doing, the more it hurts. it's really hard to have family members understand she has bipolar and just put on lithium(the hospital said it is usual w/ addicts--due to the up and downs)after 4 solid months of being clean then a true diagnosis can be made.once he is through treatment,and gets bipolar under control -- God willing --It should get alittle better on u. He is still young he has a better chance. it doesnt feel better right now and there are ups and downs.-- i pray alot. talk my husbands ear off and am totally consumed some days. i actually quit my job months ago.(it was too much) but they r asking me back. this site really helps-- makes me feel i'm not alone. which i have felt for about 4 yrs.. TAKE TIME FOR YOU!! betty ford clinic has a family program for a week in rancho marage,ca. if that is an option for u and your husband. we r planning to go. hang in there

also, i never thought i enabled my daughter by helping w/rehab or talking w/soc. workers, but i did. i should have let her do all of it herself. my other daughter who is 27 and not addicted hasn't gotten much attention which all of these things i have come to with this site. i just want to grab her and squeeze the addiction away, believe me i think sooo much on how to fix her---but i know i can't now.. i'm sorry to my youngest.----
stay on here it really helps.

You too, frustrated29! Thanks for sharing your story.

You have the weight of the world on your shoulders. I hope you get yourself some help. I know you might feel you don't have the energy but it's vital. Counseling and Al Anon, and if you can find a family support group it can make a difference too. Mind you - it won't fix your son but it will help you. When we're healthier - it helps our addict - for we can be as sick as them if we let it.

I went through a very, very hard time with my son. At one point he was looking at going to prison as a juvenile for a year and a half. It was hell. I never, ever thought things would improve. I just want you to know they do get better. There is hope.

My son isn't in recovery but he's doing better than he once was. Perhaps the combination of treatment and the way his dad and I respond to him. All I can say is my faith has helped me to lean on God. One of the slogans in Al Anon is "Let Go and Let God". It took me a long time to be able to do that. These things take time - it's a process for all the things you'll hear before it sinks in.

I hope this helps - been there.......