Not only that, but the guilt I felt. My head tells me it is't my fault, but I can't help but sometimes feel like it is.

Not only that, but the guilt felt. My head tells me it isn't my fault, but I sometimes still feel like it is.

I understand completely. Holidays are very difficult. Seeing "happy" families or families together celebrating is hard at times. My journey has lasted a long, long time. I have been away this holiday week and return home tomorrow to what...I don't know. I am so grateful for the mental and emotional support I receive.

I still check in a few times a month. My son has been doing better. THe best thing at Christmas was that he isn't using, he is trying to change his life now. But I must be prepared if he relapses-or starts to use again. I would still like a better life for him, but I think it is finally sinking in for him to want a drug free life. I hope everyone is doing well, hopefully we can hear some good stories/updates soon on this long struggle we all face.

I agree, would love to see this group stay active. coming from the Parent angle. I have learned and been helped so much by the advice and support I have encountered. Thank you all, and let's keep sharing.

<3 K

I was so happy to come here today to see there are new posts. I really do think that being the parent of an addict is unique. Cardinal, you are so right. If my husband were doing the same things that my son has done, we would have been divorced long ago and I would have moved on with my life. It's so different with a child. Please keep posting. It's great to know that I'm not alone and it's also so good to hear the occasional positive story.

The nice thing about this site is that people understand what your going through.I've made some really great friendships through this site DS and to be honest I couldn't talk to my loves ones the way I do with complete stranges that understand.People who haven't walked in these shoes can't begin to understand.Like right now I'm depressed and worried about my son but by listening to others it makes me feel alittle better .Thank God for this site or else I'd be jumping of a bridge...Thank you everyone!

I'm new here, but REALLY like the interaction! I hope, also, that this keeps going. It helps me to know I'm not alone. It also helps me to be honest with what's going on in my family. Since I have had no one to talk to about my son (21-year-old) and his addicitons, I was pretty good at denying that fact that he really had an addiciton. When I hear the stories by contributors that sound so much like my own, I cannot deny the fact any longer. Your stories are my story also. Thank you -- and let's keep meeting here!

What a hard thing to have to admit the child you put your all into chooses drugs I have struggled so much with dissapointment ...i see my friends kids doing great things and I just try so hard to feel happy for them but MAN I am jealous ...Im praying to The Lord for that to stop and to forgive my feelings .Im starting to realise now ..that I need to feel proud of grants choice to recover what a HARD and UNRELENTING journey for him . ...Be blessed

I completely understand your jealousy of families who "seem" to have perfect children. I have felt that same thing. I have been in bible studies where other mom's don't have a clue about what struggles belong to me. Many times I keep quiet about what's going on -- when I should be able to find help and encouragement in such a setting. Mom's who haven't experienced what I have experienced just don't understand and like to look down upon my family. But -- there are times when I feel so blessed because of the trials I have experienced. I have seen God work in ways that those women will never know. My husband and I will be going for our first counselling session in a few days. There is so much mental and emotional work to do in our lives. Right now, our son -- Peter -- is doing his work in rehab. We also have work to do to deal with anger, bitterness, jealousy, guilt, blaming others, etc. I am anxious about the counselling, but I know it is so necessary. I am so glad your son has sought the help he needs, Wendy. It least it is a relief to us both -- knowing that they are living in a safe place that offers the help they need. My son was soon to be evicted, depressed, suicidal, lonely, etc. When he entered rehab, my daughter said you could see the relief in his face -- to finally have admitted the problem and be seeking help. A great relief for ALL of the family! I'll keep you and Grant in my prayers ------- Karen K.

I just have to write a note and say, "God is good!" I just got off the phone with my daughter, who is the only one (and her fiancee) who Peter will talk with. She saw him today (a week ahead of the scheduled time allowed by the rehab center.) She says he is doing very well -- looks good -- and is taking much better care of himself. Since he is 21-years-old, everyone else at the center is older than he is. They are all encouraging him to finish the program and conquer his addicitons. They have many more years of struggle that have included wives and children in the mess. They don't want him to get that deep into it that he ruins many other lives. My son does not express a desire to leave the center and actually has a desire to stay and find a way to help others with the same struggles. We have been blessed today! KK

I am so happy for your blessings !!! SO encouraging as my son is beginning his second month in treatment and doing very well .Just to see his clear eyes and hints of the young man he once was is so promising ..Its like God is slowly leading him back to us ..We are all well aware of the struggles ahead but HOPE is Gods GIFT ....Be Blessed

My 27 year old son Michael (narcotic addict) called me for the first time in nearly a year last Sunday, his voice was ragged "Mama I almost murdered my daughter" was the first thing he blurted out. He said that he and his wife Lynn had had company last Saturday, a 15 year old cousin, after they let him out the door and said good bye they turned to see their 1 year old daughter Melinda standing at the coffee table with a straw in her mouth. The baby started to look strange and they ran to her, taking the straw away and probed to see if she had anything else. Melinda's eyes started to roll back, they called 911 and the family rode to the hospital via ambulance where the baby nearly flat lined he said. That night the hospital released them and let them take the baby home (OMG) . Shortly after arriving home a lady showed up and swabbed both parent’s mouths and said they would be in touch after the results came back.
My son has been an addict for years and we have moved heaven and earth do try and "fix" the problem. Last year we moved him and his family cross country from up north to our home in Florida set them up in our "Mother-in-law house", got Hans working for our family business. We actually had an outlined highly detailed plan to get them on their feet and free, a written contract agreement notarized and signed by my husband (step-dad), myself, Michael and Lynn. They had three months to consider every detail as we refused to change one iota of it. There were to be no DRUGS or Alcohol use or possession of any kind or they would be out, no second chances. It lasted two weeks, the punch line is that they were using us to bring them down and set them up. They were going to hit a large list of pain clinics and pipeline the pills up north, using us as a shield!!! They had their own "written" plan in express detail stored on the company lap top we issued Michael for work and we accessed it. We threw them out on their ass and they stayed across town with my youngest son until Lynn’s parents came to bring them back up North.
This has been the worst trip towards hell I have ever been on. Monday was spent getting the baby’s interests covered first and foremost, I retained the services of a Family Lawyer that is with the CHINS program and I talked the kids into legally handing temporary guardianship of the baby to Lynn’s Grandparents (they are local to the kids) and to this second it has been a waiting game. I found a great criminal lawyer that advised the kids and family NOT to talk to detectives or anyone and that he personally could do nothing until the kids were charged with something and arrested.
My son has three past misdemeanors on his record, no drug charges or anything like that which is surprising that he has went under the wire so long, had he ever been caught maybe my Granddaughter wouldn’t have suffered what she survived! His wife has no record but she has two sons that she gave to their fathers due to her alcohol issues she had prior to meeting Michael. The irony is she exchanged drinking for drugs. They both could face 20 years or more, worst scenario.



The thought of my son facing 20 years is beyond my acceptance, my heart is just butchered. We have held the kids in our every prayer for healing. I’ve pounded the internet with every conceivable question of the seemingly millions of them that are filling my every waking moment. I sleep with my cell phone clutched to my heart, waiting for “the call”. He agreed to call me on speaker when he gets arrested so I will know when it happens. He knows I am not going to bail him out of jail and that I only have 5,000 total left of any cash I can pull together for a retainer for a criminal lawyer and the one I have been calling is on overload and may refer me to someone I can afford.
My husband has enabled my son into the thousands and thousands of dollars bailing him out of messes from child support for Michael’s six year old daughter from a past relationship, used cars, rent, bail, fines, utilities and more. My darling supportive husband said he doesn’t have a penny for Michael now and I can’t get angry, in my heart I know he is right but if a criminal lawyer could make the difference between 20 and 3 to 5 years my mother’s heart won’t stop until I can get one.
There are so many praying, holding vigil, lighting candles, we have been blessed by the quiet support that our priest has started for us. Any peace I have in my heart holding me from losing it is from the Lord. Every morning I wake and when I remember, when I realize it wasn’t all a nightmare it is like walking in the dark over scorpions and snakes getting through the day. My son calling me or me calling him just to hear his voice. Apparently, his wife’s Grandparents and my husband and I are the only people who will step up to help, we are all they have other than God.

PS; My darling baby Granddaughter had Oxycontin and Cocaine in her precious body at the hospital!

Oh crap, I feel for all of you. It's a shame that our kids put themselves and us thru this. Thank God.
As for spending your last dollar and gettig him a lawyer ARE YOU NUTS!!!!!?????
Take care of yourself FIRST
Joe