I understand what you are going through. We have been battling addiction for 4 years now with my son. He has completed several rehabs, been kicked out of a few, been arrested, in jail, and is now in a court ordered rehab for a year in lieu of jail time. This was the second time we had to have Christmas without him because of his addiction. I am grateful that he is currently sober for a almost 6 months however I know not to get my hopes too high because last year he was here for CHristmas and had been sober for 1 year then returned to CA and relapsed far worse than ever and that is when he ended up getting arrested twice for stealing. I know what it feels like to not know what is going on, where they are and if they are even alive. I let it consume me and finally went to the doctor as was put on antidepressants. It helped so much. I still worry but it is different. The medicine allows me to at least function. If you are not currently on them I strongly suggest you go see a doctor. I was totally against taking anything but thank god I went. As much as we know this is their journey and there is nothing we can do to stop it it still hurts us. I always tried to "fix" things for my son and it did not help but as a mother I had to try. I know know what everyone says it right they have to fall. My son is 25 years old and has to live with 2 felonies on his record. He had everything and now has to start over with nothing but this is what he chose for himself. I am slowly realizing I have a husband and two other sons and it is not fair to them to allow one person to ruin all of our lives. In January it will be one year since I have seen my son and I probably can't see him until after March. I do miss him terribly but I am hoping that he is starting to see that this was all his doing. I will pray for you and your daughter. Please try to find strength in knowing you are not alone.

I have been "faking Christmas" for four years now. How to go on? One day at a time, just as alanon teaches. Giving kindness to others and loving yourself despite it all. Accepting that her behaviors are not a reflection of you. I understand why you made the stocking for her, but since she chose not to receive it, move on, put it away, and do not allow yourself to become too melancholy about it. It does no good. There is much joy to be found in life, and your daughter's illness has taught you to be more compassionate and human. Just take it one day at a time. Hugs to you.

One thing that helps is embracing my other family members, such as my sisters family. Yes, there was a void where my son should have been, but it was still nice. I have a husband and younger son, and we three had fun playing Beatles Rock Band. If I didn't have my family I would hope I would volunteer on Christmas at a Homeless Shelter, instead of being alone and depressed. Also, seeking help from a Doctor is a good idea.

We spent Christmas at the Alano Club. First the noon meeting followed by a wonderful dinner. Program friends are the best.
We don't have family nearby so we've learned to create "new" family members. Our son said he was going to "drink all day" and probably did.
The choice is mine as to whether I let this destroy my day or not.
We have been dealing with the challenge of the choices my son has been making since he was 15 years old. We get through the holidays and find ways to truly enjoy them...regardless.
Yes BAB09, One Day at a Time.

God is allowing your daughter to go through these trials in order for her to hit bottom so that one day she will become more Christlike. You don't and can't see the "Big" picture that he has in store for her. You must be patient and Thankful that God gives us hope to help us get through these hard times. I found it much easier and a much quicker process when I handed my son over to him on a silver plater and said do what you need to with him in order to make him more like you and he did! I laughed at Satan everytime bad times came my way (and don't get me wrong - I cried too) But I leaned on my faith and alanon and naranon to get me through and I survived and today I am in a good place, but tomorrow????? Just remember...... God never gives us more than what we can handle. Be safe and try to enjoy you other children. Their time will slip right away from you as I would catch this happening to my 13 yr old. Stay strong! XXXOOO Hugs.....

So very sorry you are hurting so much! It is one of the most devastating and agonizing pain to feel when we as Mothers cannot undo what our kids have done to themselves. You are very astute in all you've said and the only thing I can think of is to let go. You have family that loves you. Embrace this love and start to love yourself. There really isn't anything you can do for her. BUT!!! You can make the choice to move on, get help for yourself. So much advice has been given to you and each one has dealt with it one way or another. You have to make a choice for yourself and your family. Your daughter has made her choice. Hard to accept, but in order to move on with life and grow with what life throws you it will be a struggle, but still YOUR choice.

Maybe you'll be able to make a good resolution for this New Year that is best for you!! Make some good plans and stick to them. Getting yourself out of that black hole that's sucking you in could really help.

Good luck and all the best!

bdms is right on! Thank you!!

Ethel that is a good idea volunteering at a shelter. My daughter have been a weed head since high school and now she is 31 years old. She also drinks liquor. She has five children and made this Christmas season the worse because she was MA. Every twice a year she makes and excuse to get high. I am getting older and I am tired of the high mess. And to make it so bad when my baby son which is 22 comes in town both of them smoke weed like it is going out of style. You would think she would be an example for her baby boy, but heck she is not a good example for her own children. My granddaughter that I keep tells me that My mom and uncle was in the bathroom smoking. I am really sick of this

I understand rubyd, I really do.