Hi! I have bipolar 1 with various co-morbid conditions like anxiety and PTSD.

I have 2 sons ages 10 and 18.

I think I struggle with the exact same thing as you, being present and getting out of my own constant yo-yo thought patterns.

I have schizoaffective disorder and major depression. My son is 20 but is living at home for now as he has some disabiities. I struggle with everything but for now I will say discipline and structure

I have a collection of various mental illnesses but the ones I'm currently suffering from the most are anxiety, manic depression. For almost a month now I've been having back to back panic attacks morning to night!, it's consumption of my life is becoming unbearable!, I have a 9 year old son and a 1 and a half year old son and I find it hard to focus on anything but the miserable discomfort I'm going through daily!.

That's a great way to describe it for me too, C.

Just this constant mental anguish. I tell my husband it's the equivalent to being on fire, mentally.

I have panic attacks and have been having extreme anxiety too.

This is not easy.

Heidi, that's a double whammy. I'm so sorry.

I'm a child sex trafficking survivor. The resulting psych portfolio is pretty diverse. Dx's include bipolar, PTSD, and OCD. My sons are 34 and 38 and still pretty dependent, both financially and emotionally. They were proud to give me the Toxic Mom rhetoric while that was in vogue. No stigma attached. . .

Parenting with mental illness is definitely a challenge. Even with middle aged cherubs, it remains a works in progress.

I have MDD/GAD and I have a 4 year old son I'm raising all by myself after becoming a widow in Summer 2015. I also have a 22 year old son with 2 kids but I don't see them.

I have a very hard time with thinking I'm not doing enough for my 4 year old since my 22 year old made me feel like I failed him big time. I have a very hard time trying to not look into giving him up up for adoption so he can have this big family as I'm his only one around. I feel everyday I don't spend enough time with him because every minute of the day I'm not spending it with him. I now feel absolutely like a bad mom because a few months ago I let him start watching youtube kids on my phone and that's pretty much all he does now *sigh* I mean he still plays with his toys and that, he just love that app. But then again it helps asI can get things done too. Yep I'm the worst mom on the planet...why do I even continuing trying...

Arf, hello friend! Glad to see you on board!

I think we all feel like a "toxic mom" even without the label. I'm so sorry for your difficult past. It's sort of disheartening to know that raising kids doesnt get any easier.

Baby, I always feel like the worst mom on the planet. I think it comes with the territory. Alot of "normal" moms feel like that and for us everything is magnified by our conditions.

The only way to keep going, is to keep going. I struggle with that everyday.

I so struggle with the “worst mom ever” syndrome too.

Fortunately I have a good support network to keep reminding me i’m Not. However, it doesn’t stop the incessant feelings of inadequacy.

My favorite tdoc used to always say....”we do the best we can with what we know at the time, and when we know better, we can do better”.

Knowing better and doing better doesn’t always happen for me. But this still gives me at least some comfort especially the part about how we are all doing the best we can. I really cling to that and then as you all said....try to do the next right thing. Even if that’s surviving at the least.

Exactly split. You cant be a good mom or dad if you're dead. That's the only thing that keeps me here sometimes, thinking how much that would destroy my kids. I think we prove our love by simply trying so damn hard every day for them.

Thanks for the invite and to Anxious to write all my stuff. Single dad with four kids 4-7. I have spine issue and party of mental illnesses.

I also can’t get out of my head. I have to be fidgeting with something at all times and have headphone on from the moment I awake to cloud the chatter. Issue of being present I have been trying to meditate work on that. It’s so hard to sit with the kids with out getting sidetracked and then going nuts.

A party of mental illnesses. That's an interesting way of looking at it. lol

Good to see you here, anon. Glad you updated your profile pic. It's nice to see your face. Try one where you're smiling, the next time you ever feel like smiling. (-: ((Hugs))

Hi firefly! Good to see you here.